


come out and play

by b0tticelli



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Multiple Settings, Rich Boys Having Rich Fun, Underage Drinking (technically), Youtuber AU, side pairings mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2019-09-17 15:18:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 51,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16977036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/b0tticelli/pseuds/b0tticelli
Summary: It wasn’t supposed to be anything more than an excuse for Jaehyun to fuck around while he “figured out” what he wanted to “do” with his “life” after graduation. It was just something to appease his parents, a proof of productivity, a project to apply his skills, because at least he wasn’t wasting his gap year away doing drugs and drinking every night—which is valid because he only did that a few nights(a week).OrJohnJae are YouTubers who communicate well with their audience but badly with each other.





	1. see me in a crown

**Author's Note:**

> A/N UPDATE 07/15/19: She is finished! I want to start by saying THANK YOU to everyone who's been reading from the start or along the way before it was completed. Your comments really have made me so happy. <3 A second thank you to my main squeeze. Without you, I would have never finished this so thx bitch for ur naggings, encouragements, and ideas for these past 9 months, hehe.<3 
> 
> Lastly, a final thank you to everyone else who will take the time to read this story!!!! I've been in ficdom for yeARS and this is the first lengthy fic that I've completed, so it really means a lot to me. <3 Hope you enjoy it to the end. <3
> 
> WARNINGS: Nothing too intense, I don't think, but there is ANGST. Essentially, as observed by some people: This is just Gay Misunderstandings. For some of the spicier scenes, there's also a little breath play, but it's nothing too wild. <3

_June._

 

“Hello. Er— _hi._ Hola? _Sahwahdeekhrap_ , buongiorno _, anneyeong_! My name is Jaehyun, and this is my first video posting on YouTube. Oh, and also the first week of my gap year!” 

It wasn’t supposed to be anything more than an excuse for Jaehyun to fuck around while he “figured out” what he wanted to “do” with his “life” after graduation. It was just something to appease his parents, a proof of productivity, a project to apply his skills, because at least he wasn’t wasting his gap year away doing drugs and drinking every night—which is valid because he only did that a few nights

(a week).

“I guess a few things to note about myself is that, well I just graduated high school! I’m nineteen. Yes, that means I was held back year, and no I won’t tell you when because it’s embarrassing. I consider myself your average dude. I like to party with my friends, travel with my friends, and uh, just hang out with my friends! So I figure that this weekly vlog can just be about me and my experiences throughout the year while I try to figure out whatever it is I’m supposed to do now that I’m done with high school—” 

He was a natural born camera whore, and had the

(see: his parent’s)

expenses to do most of what he pleased. Sure, he wasn’t using this year to become more worldly,

(his ex Wendy left a week after graduation to globe trot across Europe),

or god forbid, obtain job experience

(Lucas flew off to China 2 weeks after to intern at his father’s company headquarters. It was a sad day for everyone because he always threw the best parties and his younger brother is much too square to follow in those footsteps).

Nor was he going straight into college, right out of high school like Kun, Doyoung or the remaining 75% percent of his graduating class were planning to do once August and September rolled around. But—he was planning to have fun in a way that stroked his ego because people _actually_ started watching his videos.

And then Johnny watched a couple videos and decided he wanted in on this too—and what was he gonna do, say no?

“So you just tell the internet about your week and they _actually_ _enjoy_ hearing about it?” 

Jaehyun wants to scowl at the question, but finds himself shrugging instead.

“I mean, yeah if that if that’s how you want to put it. I’m interesting, what can I say?”

“You know,” Johnny then says, with a slight tilt to his lips, “I was mentioned at least 3 times in each video you’ve posted so far.”

“Yeah, well. Lucas and Wendy are gone. Kun’s on vacation in Macau for two months. Taeil never wants to hang out with me unless you’re there. You’re all I have now. To hang with I mean. Like, on a regular basis.” It’s not a lie. Doyoung was someone he refused to hang out with unless someone like Kun was there to mediate. Mark was cool for being a grade younger than he was, but was far too annoying to hang with outside of school or parties because he had younger, more annoying friends who tended to trail after him—Jaehyun’s brother Jaemin being one of them.  And then of course, Wendy’s friends, had no interest in pursuing any friendship with him anymore out of loyalty. Johnny, however, is always here, save for a few months of the year he dedicated to traveling. He graduated 2 years prior with Hansol and couple other guys in their circle of friends, but had zero intentions of college because he’s a _photographer._  

Jaehyun can feel his ears burn slightly, but fortunately for him, Johnny is too busy tapping at the glass on Jeffrey V’s tank, trying to get the fish’s attention. It’s a bit sad actually. The Jefferys have always been terrified of Johnny.

“Exactly,” Johnny says, interrupting Jaehyun’s distracting thoughts, “So if that’s the case, let me do the videos too. I have much more experience with audio. Your sound editing is shit, Jaehyunie.” 

To that, Jaehyun does frown.

“But it’s called JaesGap. You know, me. And my gap year, you’ve already had your gap year, or two? If you can even call it that at this point.”

“Jae’s…gap.” Johnny’s looking at him now, and it’s then that Jeffery V finally feels safe enough to swim out of his castle. Jaehyun nods.  

“Yeah. My gap year, as I just said.”

“No shit, but it still sounds...well, you know.” Johnny cocks his head to the side, as if waiting for cogs to start mechanically moving Jaehyun’s remaining brain cells.

They don’t move. 

Johnny sighs and speaks again after basking in the moment of sweet, stupid silence. “Change it to J’s Gap. Still sounds the same, and maybe its meaning can change to something about our gap of knowledge with the world and our quest to discover and try new things. Or our age gap. Either works, probably.”

Jaehyun couldn’t find a way to argue out of that (and he really _was_ shit at audio).

So then Jae becomes J (for Jaehyun AND Johnny, Jaehyun will emphasize proudly when he introduces Johnny in week 4’s video), and somehow, 500 thousand subscribers later, they find themselves becoming pretty popular duo in the YouTube community. It’s the best of all worlds, really. There’s mild fame to be made out of it, plus he gets to spend time filming around Connecticut and wherever their money takes them with his best friend. What more could he ask for?

 

▷▷▷

 

_August._

 

Jaehyun shoves the camera in Johnny’s face, eyes shining at the mild annoyance on his face before it melts into a genuine smile. 

“Care to tell us where we’re going tonight, Johnny?” He asks him, zooming onto his lips for a moment because he knows what their fans like, obviously.

“It’s Friday. Our friend Doyoungie’s leaving for university in Seoul next week, so naturally it’s up to him to throw the last huge banger of the summer.”

“A party then?” Jaehyun says, his grin widening. “Didn’t we agree to some complete some fan challenges at a party once we hit 500k subscribers?”

Johnny looks into the camera, then makes eye contact with Jaehyun.

“Why yes, I believe we did.” 

They stop upon walking up to the house gates, as they agreed to film this bit before entering the property.

Jaehyun turns the camera around to himself, then maneuvers so Johnny’s in the shot as well.

“Then as promised,” Jaehyun states, looking at Johnny, “we’re making it our mission to fulfill these challenges.”

“And what are these challenges, Jae?” Johnny asks naturally, staring into the camera.

Jaehyun clears his throat for dramatic effect and holds up his index finger.

“One, we both have to make each other’s drinks.” Two fingers. “Two, one person has to dance on a table.” Another finger. “Three, one person has to switch shirts with a complete stranger. Four, play a friendly game of beer pong”. He shoves his entire hand at the camera playfully, then gives a dimpled smile. “And lastly, the loser of four has to do a body shot off the winner”. He looks at Johnny after listing the last one, anticipating whatever reaction he has for the camera.

“Looks like I’m just gonna have to kick Jae’s ass.” Johnny says, wiggling eyebrows. Jaehyun doesn’t really know what to say to that, so he shoves at him playfully, then shuts off the video camera and lets it rest against his chest.

Johnny fits his arm naturally around Jaehyun’s shoulder, leading them through the gates, “I really am gonna kick your ass.”

Jaehyun straightens his back as the need to win begins to prickle his skin. He grabs at the film camera around Johnny’s neck, checking for the third time to make sure he remembered to put film in there. While Johnny's photography skills are well above par, his memory can be shit. The last thing Jaehyun wants to do is have to deal with Johnny completely forgetting his film, and forcing them to go back to his apartment to grab it—so of course Jaehyun would want to check for things like this. Filming their experiences through photos is Johnny’s favorite method, plus they make great posts for their social media. You gotta have your bro’s back, you know?

Jaehyun pulls his hands away, and glares at him with no bite behind it, “Yeah, we’ll see about that. I’m the one who played basketball for two years.”

“You were benched for the majority of both, Jae.”

▷▷▷

Jaehyun knows he’s fucked the moment his drink gets put in his hand.

“What the fuck is this?” he asks flatly, failing to hide the disgust on his face. 

“Mark calls it ‘jungle juice’. Something he and his crew brought. He warned me that it definitely shouldn’t be your first drink, so I thought, why not make it your first drink!” Johnny replies with far too much glee in his voice. And Jaehyun, who just spent 5 minutes having Kun film him making Johnny a stupid Grey Goose cranberry cocktail recipe that he googled on their ride to Doyoung’s, feels cheated. He eyes Johnny’s drink enviously. Jaehyun gave him a drink clearly meant for gods, while Johnny got _his_ drink from satan’s gremlins.

And of course, he can already feel the buzz creeping under his skin after one sip.

“This taste like ass.”

“But it looks just as nice as what you gave me. I even put a cherry in there for you, don’t you like it?” Johnny protrudes his bottom lip out, blinking purposefully at him and—listen, Jaehyun’s knows it’s because Kun is videoing them, but it really makes Jaehyun want to punch that pout away.

Definitely punch. 

Instead of replying to him, Jaehyun looks at the video camera and holds his drink up, “Kids, don’t try this at home. Or your friend’s home. Or ever.” He takes a deeper drink from his cup, swallowing down over half of its contents before smirking at the camera in baseless confidence. It falters seconds later when he feels it go straight to his head and he opts to lean against the kitchen counters. An actual fucking giggle escapes his lips, but by his next sip, he’s already lost the ability to feel shame.

Johnny snorts and motions at Kun to stop filming, taking the camera away from him and putting it around Jaehyun’s neck with one hand.

“Oh, you’re going to have fun tonight, Jae,” he murmurs, taking a leisurely sip from his cup, “Might wanna hold off on another drink for a while once you finish that.”

Out of spite, Jaehyun finishes his drink and walks out of the kitchen, shouting for Mark and his jungle juice. And if he feels himself swaying in his walk, he keeps it to himself. He hears the flash of Johnny’s stupid film camera as he leaves, but he keeps that to himself too.

▷▷▷

Two cups of the cheapest vodkas, rums, and god knows what else mixed with shitty powdered juice mix makes dancing on a table a lot harder than Jaehyun anticipated. He finds himself clinging slick up next to Johnny’s side for support as he laughs into the camera, trying to steady himself after jumping* off the table

(*see: stumbling, while Johnny grabs him by the waste to steady him).

At this point, Jaehyun can feel the drunken flush on his face and upper body, but he’s much too happy to care. He thinks he may have even accidentally smacked someone (Doyoung) on his way down, but he was having so much fun he couldn’t bring himself to care. Not that accidentally hitting Doyoung in the face was something he would regret sober, but he digresses.

He’s still grinning when the flash of Johnny’s film camera blinds him, but his eyes are halfway closed anyway that it doesn’t bother him.

“ _Johnny_!” Jaehyun preens, shoving the camera down. Johnny just looks at him, eyebrows raising in lieu of answering with a ‘yes, Jae?’. Jaehyun looks him up and down for a moment, then grabs at his shirt.

“Johnny~! What is this, what happened to _your_ shirt? Why are you wearing black? It looks so tight on you.” It actually looks _really_ good on him, but Jaehyun still has one remaining brain cell that keeps the dangerous thought stored away.

Johnny eyes Jaehyun’s hands for a moment before pushing out a laugh and knocking his hand away. He wraps his arm around his shoulder and guides him into one of the other, more crowded rooms.

His voice raises slightly to accommodate the increased noise level, “C’mon Jaeby, let’s go play some beer pong.”

▷▷▷

It should have been easy, really. Jaehyun sort of played basketball for _two_ years. The most Johnny did was play piano and take pictures and okay—maybe he was on the varsity men’s volleyball as a sophomore because he reached 6 feet before everyone else, but it’s all beside the point really.  

Probably, anyway.

The alcohol still burning in Jaehyun’s stomach, washed down with the 3 cups of beer he had to drink so far, was making it difficult for his mind to string together logical arguments. The ball misses the mark again and bounces onto the floor under Johnny’s feet because Kun sucks even more than Jaehyun. 

Johnny and Doyoung only have had to drink one cup each, which was really unfair because no amount of inebriation could fool Jaehyun into thinking Doyoung was good at this game either and— 

“Shut the fuck up, Jung,” Doyoung says as he picks up the ball and throws it, missing the table completely. They all watch it disappear pathetically into a crowded spot in the room. After a moment, Kun hands Jaehyun a new ball while Jaehyun regards Doyoung with what he hopes is a face of annoyance.

Johnny interrupts his thoughts with a short laugh.

“You’re screwed regardless of whether you make that shot or not, you know.”

Jaehyun furrows his eyebrows and stares at the other teams cups instead of answering Johnny. He wasn’t going to let his stupid words get to his fuzzy head. He definitely still has a chance!

The ball lands in one of the cups smoothly and Jaehyun yells in both surprise and celebration as he and Kun high five. There _was_ still a fighting chance! He wasn’t going to let Johnny win this. He and Kun were gonna be the underdogs! He can already imagine smiling smugly into the camera that Taeil has been filming with for the duration of the—

_Ploop._

Jaehyun blinks. Johnny’s bright orange ball sits gracefully in Kun and Jaehyun’s last remaining cup.

He looks up at Johnny to find him staring back, still sipping from the cup Jaehyun won moments ago. Jaehyun looks back down at their sad, ball-filled cup before fishing it out. He can feel his ears burn at the realization that he and Kun lost.

A moment later Johnny has grabbed him by the arm and places them in front of Taeil, Jaehyun with his fourth and final drink in hand. Johnny grins at the camera as he takes holds of Jaehyun’s wrist so the cup is in front of Jaehyun’s face. 

“As you can see, me and Doyoung totally slaughtered Jae and Kun.”

“Shut up,” Jaehyun replies, rubbing his face as he smiles into the camera and lets Johnny wrap an arm around his shoulder. After a moment he separates himself from Johnny so he can finish his drink.  He watches as Kun makes a show in front of the camera of placing winner's crowns on Doyoung and Johnny’s heads. 

It wasn’t fair, he could have easily got his hands on the crown if he 1) had the same alcohol tolerance as Johnny and 2) hadn't drank twice as much as Johnny.

He suddenly feels Johnny putting a hand through his hair and Jaehyun does his best not to lean into it like his mother’s cat does whenever she wants attention. He doesn’t bother keeping his dimpled smile from spreading across his face as he stares into the camera. 

“I guess I gotta take my punishment now, huh?” Jaehyun asks, giving a sideways glance at Johnny who still has a hand in his hair. Johnny nods and pulls away from him completely, beckoning the camera to follow him into the kitchen.

The slight prick of rejection buzzes slightly under Jaehyun’s skin at the loss of contact, but then his single brain cell finally locates another to work with when he realizes that— _oh fuck_ _we gotta put our tongue on Johnny_. His throat suddenly feels very dry as his feet follow Johnny and Taeil into the kitchen. At this point, the air feels very awkward. He clears his throat and watches as Johnny hoists himself on the island in the center of the kitchen. Johnny smirks at him— _fucking smirks_ at him as he sets a tequila bottle down firmly at his side. Jaehyun finds himself staring at Johnny’s stupidly full lips, because where else is he gonna look when he stares at him like _that._ Jaehyun swallows and averts his eyes to the tequila bottle.

The tequila bottle that contains the liquid that will soon be on Johnny’s stomach,

that will soon be against Jaehyun’s tongue.

Which, if you asked Jaehyun, that’s pretty uh—

“Stupid.” The word slur out of Jaehyun’s mouth as he glances a little nervously at the camera. Johnny just laughs grabs the camera from Taeil. He brings it close to his chest and shuts it off, letting his feet bump against the cabinets below him. Jaehyun vaguely realizes that the film camera Johnny was using was no longer around his neck. He wants to ask where it went but he forgets immediately when Johnny speaks again. 

“What’s stupid, Jae?”

“Why did you shut off the camera?” Jaehyun asks instead, taking a step closer as he eyes the video camera curiously.

Johnny just smiles at him, leaning back slightly on the island. He waves as Taeil dips out of the kitchen, leaving them alone save for a couple at the other end of the kitchen refilling their drinks.

“I think we have enough film for tonight.” 

Jaehyun blinks, eyes falling to the tequila.

“But we haven’t filmed the last challenge.” He says, licking his lips 100% absentmindedly. He shifts his weight to one side and crosses his arms.

Johnny laughs again and shakes his head, “There’s no need to do that, don’t worry. We can edit this in a really fun way. Imagine it, film of us walking into the kitchen, then it cuts to black and text says something along the lines of ‘not suitable for pure eyes’ or something like that. Then just some b-roll I got of the party earlier tonight to follow it up. Easy peasy.”

Easy peasy? Fun editing aside, Johnny wants to _lie_ to their fans like that?

“You want us to lie to our fans like that?”

Johnny raises an eyebrow, sitting up straight and adjusting the crown on his head. “What, you _want_ to do a body shot with me?”

Jaehyun takes another step closer, the reason for his elevated body temperature melting into something else as the alcohol seems to clear from his brain momentarily. He reaches out to Johnny and grabs hold of the camera, switching it on.

“It doesn’t feel right to lie to our viewers, Johnny.”

Johnny studies him quietly and it makes Jaehyun wonder if this _is_ a little much and they should just go back to the party, cameras tucked away for the remainder of the night. He feels the flush in his cheeks suddenly and can’t tell if it's from alcohol or sudden embarrassment. But the feeling flies away when Johnny’s lips form a smile.

“Do you even know how to do a body shot?”

Jaehyun grabs the bottle of tequila and the one of many shot glasses littering the island counter.

“Of course I do. Wendy showed me at her valentine’s party two years ago.” Now _that_ was a wild night. Jaehyun was just turning seventeen but also _just turning_ _seventeen_ and thus a stupid, horny adolescent and how was he not supposed get a boner in front of her friends after licking a stripe up her navel?

Well, he’s still a stupid, horny adolescent, but that’s neither here nor there. Wendy had too high expectations in him as her boyfriend, but he guesses that’s what he gets from dating the chick who ended up 2nd in their class.

Johnny takes the bottle and glass from him because he knows Jaehyun’s drunker than he feels what with standing in place, swaying and lost in his own thoughts. He pours a shot without spilling a single drop before handing it back to him. Jaehyun blinks away his memories of Wendy and looks at Johnny again.

“Wendy, huh?” Johnny says before he pulls the camera from around his neck as he takes his whole shirt off. Jaehyun thinks it isn’t necessary but he is not going to be the one to say anything. “This time will probably be a little different, you know.”

Jaehyun only half hears him as he tries not to stare, but totally does stare at Johnny’s stupid fucking _abs._ Because of course he has abs—and of course Jaehyun’s seen them plenty of times throughout the 15 odd years of their friendship, but there’s only one time he’s seen them after a few liquored up drinks and an intention to lick them

(tonight—he means tonight).

He licks his lips slowly and looks at the shot glass Johnny put in his hand. Johnny, meanwhile shifts to lay down, his back resting against the countertop, leaning on his elbows so he can turn on the camera. He adjusts it for a moment, then looks at Jaehyun when he turns it on.

“Now it’s time for the final challenge of the night. Which, Jaehyun has the _honor_ of completing because he sucks at beer pong.” He adjusts the camera so it focuses on Jaehyun’s face instead of his own. With the feeling of the camera on him, Jaehyun feels revitalized as he grins at it and holds up the shot glass.

“And I’m gonna complete the challenge like a champ because my mama didn’t raise no bitch,” he says before stepping closer to Johnny. Carefully as his hands will let him, he pours the tequila in a strip up Johnny’s navel. Jaehyun pretends to not notice how his muscles contract a little at the contact. He clears his throat and looks around for a moment, grinning when he finds at least one of the things he’s looking for.

“Can’t forget this!” Jaehyun chirps, shoving the lime slice in front of the camera, giving it a moment to adjust on it before he puts it in front of Johnny’s mouth. “Ready?” Jaehyun doesn’t see any of the salt lying around, but he figures they can make do without.

 Johnny eyes the lime before taking it between his teeth. He looks at Jaehyun and nods, speaking the best he can around it, “m'weddy.”

 Jaehyun stares at him for moment, then looks at the camera.

“I just need one more thing before _I’m_ ready, though.” Then without any hesitation, he grabs the crown on Johnny’s head and places it on his own. It’s probably lopsided but he smiles anyway, “Now I can do this with some dignity.”

Johnny raises his eyebrows and shifts his weight as he watches Jaehyun through the camera. Jaehyun clears his throat and steps back a little until he’s lined up with Johnny’s torso. Once again, Jaehyun is aware of how dry his throat feels as he leans down, placing one hand flat against the countertop near Johnny’s hip. He regards the alcohol near Johnny’s navel and swallows. When he looks up at the camera, he tries to smile, but instead he catches intensity in Johnny’s eyes and it stop it from forming. Instead, he bites his lip and leans back down.

Without further preamble, he licks up the length of Johnny’s belly button and torso, forcing his eyes to stare at the camera. There is slightly salty layer underneath the taste of tequila, but for once he does a decent job of masking his confused feelings in regards to it.

He doesn’t catch the way Johnny stills completely, nor the way his Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows. 

Jaehyun lifts his head up slightly when he reaches the end, finding himself much closer to the camera than when he started. He stares at it for a moment before he remembers that _oh yeah,_ he isn’t done yet and stands up completely to move behind the camera. Without a word, Johnny switches the camera so it’s now on them both as he looks up at Jaehyun. He watches as Johnny’s eyes travel from his former crown now on Jaehyun’s head, down to his eyes, nose, and then lips. Jaehyun feels his cheeks redden as he averts his gaze to Johnny’s own lips and leans in, tilting his head. Johnny lets the lime shift in his mouth slightly in anticipation and Jaehyun opens his mouth, carefully taking the lime. He lets the breath of Johnny’s small exhale ghost over his lips before he pulls back to squeeze the juice into his mouth.

Vaguely remembering that the camera is still rolling, Jaehyun makes a dramatic show of reacting to the sourness of it before taking it out of his mouth with his fingertips. He laughs as he looks at the camera, cracking the intensity of the atmosphere. 

“That wasn’t too bad,” he finds himself saying as he adjusts the crown on his head, “His stomach was a little, uh, sweaty for my taste, but if I had to take a body shot off any dude, I’m glad it was Johnny’s!” He feels very stupid once the words rush out of his mouth, but he grins through it and looks at Johnny, waiting for him to reply.  

At this point, Johnny is silent and just staring at Jaehyun. It causes a panic to jolt through Jaehyun’s bones and he wonders if he accidentally selected the wrong choice of words.

But then Johnny laughs and sits completely up, reaching to pinch one of Jaehyun’s cheeks.

“Oh, you’re so cute, Jaeby.” Johnny says and Jaehyun’s glad he’s already too flushed from _just_ the alcohol for any other blushes to go noticed. He laughs at that statement and averts his eyes downward while Johnny switches the camera off. Without another word, he slides off the counter and puts the shirt back on. He pulls the camera off from his neck and looks at Jaehyun, who’s just been standing in place and watching Johnny. “I’m gonna go put this in Doyoung’s room with the other camera.”

Jaehyun nods. “And I’m gonna go find Mark. He was telling me they also brought weed, so uh. You know.”

Johnny hums and places a hand on his shoulder briefly as he moves to walk by him.

“I’ll catch up with you later then. I promised Doyoung I’d get karaoke started. He likes it when I take the mic and coax people into it.” 

For some reason, that sends Jaehyun into thoughts of Johnny holding the microphone and he finds himself staring at his hands before he remembers to nod.

“Okay.” 

Johnny moves to the kitchen threshold before he stops to glance back at Jaehyun.

“And by the way, you were really good today, Jaehyunie. We have a lot of good film to work with.”

Jaehyun feels warmth melting through his skin to his core at Johnny’s praise and can’t help but beam at his friend. There’s a sparkle in Johnny’s eyes and neither are inclined to break eye contact.

“Thank you.”

Johnny stares at him for another moment, then exits the kitchen. Suddenly, Jaehyun is alone and left to ponder his confusing mix of emotions that wrestle through his body like agitated bees.

(At the end of the week, when the video is posted, they end up going with Johnny’s original plan. It cuts to black when Jaehyun’s just about to do the body shot, cheeky text bubbles warning against the content and an audio of Jaehyun laughing ends the clip. Jaehyun never asks about what happened with the actual body shot footage, and Johnny never brings it up either—and that, is that, on that).

 

▷▷▷

 

_September._

 

“So I’ve been thinking,” Johnny starts one afternoon while Jaehyun is feeding Jeffery VI those little flakes fish go nuts for. Jaehyun purses his lips. It’s always scary when Johnny’s been thinking because you never know what’s going to come out of his mouth.

The last time Johnny had a thought, he had the pair attempt to make something called ‘apple taters’. It ended up being a huge mess and they accidentally started a grease fire in Jaehyun’s kitchen. His mother wasn’t too pleased, but their personal chef was even more livid and now every time Jaehyun even glances at the kitchen, Miss Kwon is ready to defend its honor with one of her many sharpened knives. All for some stupid recipe Jaehyun’s half convinced that Johnny just made up.

Jaehyun glances over at Johnny who’s lounging in his desk chair across the room, laptop in his lap.

"About what?” He asks finally, setting the fish flakes down and moving to lay on his bed.

Johnny looks up from his laptop and smiles at him, “How do you feel about doing a collab?”

“A collab?”

“Yeah, like with other YouTubers.”

Jaehyun thinks to himself for a moment as he stretches and starfishes on his bed for no other reason than to take up space. Though he’d become at least mutuals with various YouTubers in the community on various social network platforms, he’d never really interacted with them aside from a like or comment thrown in from time to time. He was however, somewhat aware that Johnny was much more active and had seen him often @ing or messaging others on Instagram or what have you.

“But...why?” he eventually asks, looking at Johnny through the hair that’s fallen in front of his face.

Johnny rolls his chair closer to Jaehyun, shutting his laptop.  

“I mean, other than it being fun and an excuse for us to like, travel?” Johnny starts, scooting right up to the bed. He shrugs, “It’ll help grow our subscribers. We’re so close to a million, Jae. I’ve been talking to Ten, you know that beauty and lifestyle vlogger? He told me he’d love for—er well, us to come to Korea to shoot with him!”

Ten. Jaehyun knows Ten, alright. He thoroughly enjoys leaving comments on every one of their videos talking about how hot Johnny is. It doesn’t bother Jaehyun at all, because why would it bother him? There’s nothing wrong with him ogling his best friend because he was probably just doing it to tease Johnny because they were friends or something. He’s aware enough to know they’re on friendly terms and text occasionally.

Which is totally cool! Jaehyun is totally for friendship! Even with very eccentric and overconfident YouTubers with a fucking number for a name. Jaehyun starts to wonder if that’s his real name when he remembers that Johnny is probably expecting him to say something.

He turns his head to Johnny and startles slightly when he realizes that Johnny has rested his arms and head on the bed, staring at him expectantly.

“Well, I do like Korea,” Jaehyun begins, eyes fixed the wave of Johnny’s hair, “The last time I went there was Christmas a few years ago with my family. It’d be nice to go with a friend this time.”

Johnny’s mouth immediately spreads into a grin and he stands, setting the laptop down and moving onto the bed. Jaehyun has no time to move before Johnny’s weight presses onto his stomach as he lays perpendicular over Jaehyun to reach for his phone. Jaehyun huffs and folds his arms across his chest, but doesn’t make any movement to shove Johnny off.

“Ten will be excited, huh?”

It takes Johnny a moment to reply, as he’s busy typing out whatever into his phone—probably to Ten. He then looks over at Jaehyun and laughs. “He already has like a hundred and one ideas ideas for our videos. It’ll be pretty fun narrowing it down to just two.”

And then he’s back focusing his attention to his phone and Jaehyun just lets him be, letting his head rest flat against the bed. He’s not quite sure how he feels about collaborating with Ten, but Johnny is clearly more than thrilled.

 He supposes that’s enough for now, because whenever Johnny’s happy, Jaehyun knows it’ll be a good time—even in the presence of others.


	2. crawl inside your veins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [johnny voice at chenji] hi. did i say i would post 2 chapters by xmas only to ghost for a month? don't recall! anyway, i do apologize for the wait. life etc happens ;p i hope the length makes up for it though. once again thank u to sarah for being my homie thru this process uwu. happy halloween?

_October._

 

“So where the fuck is Connect...coconut...connect the dots—”

“Connecticut,” Jaehyun corrects, hoping it comes across as polite and not annoyed, “We live in Connecticut and we share a border with New York State, if that helps.”

His arms are folded against his chest as he sits in the corner of the couch. Johnny is sits next to him, with Ten on Johnny’s other side. There's a movie on that no one is watching and a coffee table littered with empty takeout containers, and Jaehyun is in fact, annoyed.

But then Johnny’s laugh bounces off the floors and walls of Ten’s apartment and Jaehyun can’t help but smile in spite of himself.

“I like the idea of calling it ‘connect the dots’, though,” Johnny says, “That’s funny.”

It wasn’t funny at all, but Jaehyun lets him have it because there was an unspoken promise that he’d be on his best behavior.

When Ten had met them at the airport earlier Jaehyun had told him—

“Wow, you’re a lot shorter in person!”

To which Ten replied, “And you look like you smell like a dumpling!”

There was a sharp smile at the end of his proclamation, but it didn’t soothe Jaehyun at all. Johnny had laughed at their exchange, but Jaehyun felt himself shutting down. He never knew how to react to people that don't obviously like him right away. Because of this, he stayed silent from the walk to the car, all the way through the drive to Ten’s home. It’s not until they get out and Johnny squeezed his shoulder with a look that said _please be friendly_ that Jaehyun realized he should at least make an effort.

So here they were, 2 hours later and Jaehyun has muttered approximately 5 sentences—which he was very proud of! They were all either polite or neutral (“Your curtains are nice.” “Where is your bathroom?” “Can you hand me the dumplings, why are you laughing?” “No Johnny, your apartment is in _Junggu_ , not Jongnogu, remember?”).

“Oh, _hyung,_ you make me feel funnier than I really am!” Ten says and Jaehyun pretends to be interested in the TV. He pretends not to notice how much Johnny loves hearing Ten using honorifics with him. They go into another conversation between themselves as Johnny tells him about the gold coast, while Jaehyun sifts quietly through his Instagram feed. He entertains himself by favoriting fan posts he’s tagged in, particularly ones about him and Johnny because he knows it always sends those accounts into a frenzy.

He laughs to himself a few times, only brought out of his personal bubble when Johnny lets his hand move restlessly around Jaehyun’s body—from a firm squeeze to the knee, to around his shoulder, picking at a loose string on Jaehyun’s sweatshirt.

After another thirty minutes go by, Johnny is coaxing them both to lean in as he clicks a couple of selfies on his phone. They then take turns taking them with each of their phones at different angles.

It's not long after that, that Jaehyun is once again shut out as Johnny and Ten look through the photos Ten took on his phone, selecting their favorite shots.

“I like that one best, Jaehyun’s eyes look really pretty in it. You should post that one for sure.” Johnny says, much to Jaehyun’s pleasure. He can’t help but smirk as he presses closer to Johnny’s side.

“Sure thing, Johnny. But we look really hot in it, too! Oh my, God, hyung. I can’t wait to do your makeup on Wednesday. You’re going to look so good.”   

Jaehyun’s leg begins to bounce restlessly while he switches to a different app and starts browsing through their channel's Twitter timeline. If he has to actively listen to Ten gushing over Johnny’s looks one more time, his brain is going to melt into a bowl of goop in his skull. The only thing that makes it worse, but at the same time okay, is that Johnny absolutely revels in the attention. It causes him to act much more animated and excited.

“I still think Jaehyun would look better in makeup. Or you. We could try to do your makeup for the challenge, instead. Since we both have way less experience at it, it could be funny!” He hears Johnny say, but for once he’s on Ten’s side for this one. He’d much rather see Ten doing Johnny’s makeup out of any of the combinations. Jaehyun knows fuckall about makeup and he’s sure Ten would make him look like a second rate  _It_ clown if he did his makeup.

“Nah,” Ten waves the idea away to Jaehyun’s relief, “The viewers will love this much more. Oh, Jaehyun. By the way…”

“What?”

“I invited Jungwoo as well. I hope that’s okay, but I think it’d be cool if you did his makeup or vice versa. That way it’s a bit of a competition between you two versus me and Johnny, ya know? But if that’ll be too awkward, then you don’t have to!”

Jaehyun feels his heart drop into his stomach and his leg stills.

“You know Jungwoo?” “Why would it be awkward?” He and Johnny say at the same time.

Ten’s eyes sparkle as he prepares his reply while Jaehyun stares at the floor, “I mean, since they dated and all. I’m sure it might be weird, no? Or wait, I guess dating wasn’t the proper word for it, huh?” 

▷▷▷

The taxi ride to Johnny's apartment is fucking awkward. Johnny’s staring out the window on the other side of the backseat. He hasn’t said a word since they left Ten’s apartment and Jaehyun has decided that he himself is not too fond of Ten, after all. 

“I’m excited to see your place in person,” Jaehyun says eventually, hoping small talk will warm Johnny up again. 

“I didn’t know you and Jungwoo dated.”

Jaehyun swallows, feeling his face heat up. He stares at his lap and takes a deep breath and hopes the driver is polite enough to not try and listen to understand their English conversation.

“I—I guess I wouldn’t really call it dating.”

Jungwoo attended Jaehyun’s high school their junior year through an exchange program and stayed with the Kims. When he wasn’t busy being guarded by Doyoung, Jungwoo found company in Jaehyun. It pleased Jaehyun endlessly because he was completely smitten in Jungwoo’s presence. With his soft voice and features, and long limbs he didn’t know what to do with, Jaehyun couldn’t help but smile during the moments they spent together locked up in Jaehyun’s room. 

And when three months into the school year Jungwoo tries to kiss him, Jaehyun kisses back. And whenever Jaehyun is curious enough to do more, Jungwoo meets him halfway.

It was a secret between themselves, so there’s no reason that Johnny would ever know about it. Besides, he spent the better part of that year in and out of the country the moment he graduated, so it’s not like he and Jaehyun hung out enough that he felt he had any time to tell him about it, anyway.

It was short lived, too. When Jaehyun’s family flew to Seoul for the winter holidays, he convinced himself that he was just experimenting around and it didn’t mean anything. By the time term started back up in January, he was dating Wendy and he saw Jungwoo significantly less. They remained friends, somewhat. That is to say, once Jungwoo went back to Korea, Jaehyun hadn’t spoken to him since. 

Sure, he knew that he had a YouTube channel as well, what with Doyoung around to talk about it from time to time. Maybe hearing about that is what probably planted the idea in his head to start his own channel in the first place. He never once watched a single one of his videos, though. Jungwoo did _pilates_ and Jaehyun didn’t think he could make it through one video without blushing.  

“So you two just...fooled around then? How come you never told me that?” Johnny asks. When Jaehyun chances a look at him, he makes an effort to keep eye contact with him.

“Um. It didn’t really...matter, I guess? I don’t know. It was just—I was just experimenting. I’m not—” Jaehyun takes a moment to breathe, tugging at his own fingers restlessly. “It’s not a big deal, okay? I didn’t tell you because I didn’t think there was anything to tell. And I didn’t want you to think of me differently.”  

 Johnny’s eyes soften at that and he reaches over to grab Jaehyun’s shoulder. “You’re my friend, Jaehyunie. I don’t care who you date or don't date—or kiss. Or anything like that. Nothing will change our friendship. I’m sorry Jaehyun, I hope I didn’t sound like I was demanding answers or anything. I was just curious, I guess.” 

“No, don’t apologize.” Jaehyun’s blushing again and he rubs his face, glad the time of day is enough to hide it. “You were gone when it happened, and still gone when it ended. It was never intentional that I kept it away from you, I think. No one knew about it, except maybe Doyoung eventually because he just seemed to hate me more toward the end of the school year.” They both laugh at that, the tension finally easing in the air.

“Is it going to be awkward, though? If Jungwoo films with us? Ten never mentioned that to me, I’m not sure why he sprung that on us so suddenly.” Johnny pulls his hand back into his lap and adjusts slightly so he’s angled toward Jaehyun.

Jaehyun snorts, fighting the urge to roll his eyes.

“Ten doesn’t like me. He probably wanted to get a reaction out of me. I didn’t even know they knew each other.” he replies, rubbing his hands against his jeans, glancing at Johnny.

“They’ve been on each other’s channel’s many times,” Johnny says because _of course_ he would know that. “What makes you think Ten doesn’t like you? I think he doesn’t like being called short is all, if you’re referring to his comment when you first met.”

Jaehyun sighs.  

“I’m sure it’ll be fine. We’re getting dinner with them tomorrow, anyway. Me and Jungwoo can have a conversation then if we need to.” Jaehyun begins to chew on his lip at the thought, hoping everything will run smooth as possible. 

Johnny smiles slightly. “Only if you’re sure.”

The cab finally slows down as it pulls up in front of their building, ending the conversation for now. They pay the driver and grab their belongings. Johnny leads the way into the building and Jaehyun’s heart feels light again. There’s anxiety sitting low in his stomach for tomorrow, but he and Johnny are fine, and he knows he’ll at least sleep easy tonight.

▷▷▷

They’re running late to dinner. They spent the better part of the day sightseeing with their cameras in hand—Jaehyun filming for their channel and Johnny taking photos for social media and other personal projects. Neither are really bothered by letting the time get away from them. Jaehyun almost suggests to just cancel dinner plans with the others, but he knows Johnny isn’t the type to stand people up. 

It’s the rain, actually, that pulls Johnny back into reality. Jaehyun raises the hood of his pale pink sweatshirt over his hair, and hides the camera in the front pocket as Johnny does the same while trying to flag down a taxi.

October is far enough into the fall that the rain brings misery at skin contact and they huddle close together in the cab while Jaehyun gives the taxi their destination. Once they’ve settled in, the taxi generous with warm air, Johnny finds himself laughing. Naturally, it causes Jaehyun to join in.

“What?” Jaehyun asks as he adjusts the hood over his head.

“It’s just funny that if the rain hadn’t come, I probably would have completely forgotten about meeting Ten and his friends up for dinner.”

 Jaehyun watches as Johnny ties the strings of his own hoodie into a neat little bow before he speaks again. “Oh. Yeah, me too.”

“I’m sure I got a lot of good photos. Too bad I left my other rolls of film at my apartment, otherwise I wouldn’t have had to be so selective with my choices,” Johnny says while he inspects his film camera carefully. It urges Jaehyun to check the digital camera for any water damages also. He’s grateful when he doesn’t find any, either. With a sigh of contentment and relief, he lets it fall against his neck and crosses his arms across his chest. Before he can even think about anything else, he’s asleep.

▷▷▷

_For Johnny, it’s the moments between moments that he likes the most. He observes Jaehyun’s sleeping form, his head resting against passenger window, curled in on himself.  It makes Johnny smile and he has no qualms using the very last of his shot of film on Jaehyun’s sleeping form._

▷▷▷

When they walk into restaurant, Jaehyun’s still rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, his hoodie covering the top of his head. Johnny leads them to their table, with his hand resting at the small of Jaehyun’s back. He tries not to take too much comfort in that while he looks at the table they’re approaching. It seats six and Jaehyun frowns at the two remaining seats. One is next to someone he vaguely recognizes from a gaming channel and across from Ten. The other, Jaehyun swallows because he knows that’s where he’s going to be seated, is next to Jungwoo and in front of a complete stranger with intimidating eyes. 

Ten grins and waves them over as they approach, and to no surprise, motions for Johnny to sit in front of him. Jaehyun finds himself chewing on his bottom lip when he feels the warmth of Johnny’s hand disappear as he moves to sit down, his eyes already smiling for Ten.

Jaehyun carefully sits down, pretending to yawn as an excuse to not have to look at anyone while he covers his mouth. He can feel Big Eyes staring across at him with a blank expression and Jungwoo on his right—neither was he inclined to acknowledge just yet.

“Okay, that’s everybody. Taeyong said he wouldn’t be able to make it tonight after all, so time for introductions!” Ten says cheerfully on the other side of Jungwoo, clapping his hands together. “I know we all already sort of know each other, but it’s Johnny and Jaehyun’s first time meeting some of you, so. Let’s start with you, Johnny.” 

Johnny sits up straighter, shooting Jaehyun a reassuring smile before glancing at everyone else. “As Ten said, I’m Johnny. I do J's Gap with Jaehyun—” Jaehyun feels his ears burn at the mention, purposefully staring at Johnny so he doesn’t have to see if anyone is looking his way. “It’s really great to meet all of you in person! And sorry for being late, by the way. We got sidetracked with filming.” His laugh is infectious and the guy next to him is still smiling when he begins to speak.

“I’m Sicheng,” he says, “or Winwin from—”

 _AlliDoisWinwin,_ Jaehyun finishes in his head while Sicheng says it out loud. Jaehyun feels a little more at ease when his mind places the familiar face with the YouTube channel. Jaehyun glances at the man across from him and next to Sicheng as he finishes up his introduction. He’s startled to see him smiling at Sicheng, his demeanor completely changed into something softer with the  wide stretch of his lips and a twinkling in his eyes. He watches his hand move slightly under the table toward the other’s and opens his mouth to speak. 

“I’m Yuta,” he begins, grin still on his face as he looks at Johnny, then at Jaehyun. “Sicheng's boyfriend. No YouTube channel! You’ve probably seen me bother Sicheng on his channel or broadcasts from time to time—” Jaehyun hadn’t, but the bright look of excitement in Yuta’s eyes had him nodding along. “—and eventually, I really want to open a channel too for my cooking.”

“Yuta’s cooking is the _best!_ ” Ten says to Johnny. He says a few other things that Jaehyun doesn’t catch because suddenly it’s Jaehyun’s turn to introduce himself and it feels a lot like the first day of his second year in eighth grade. His whole face feels hot and his right leg is bouncing restlessly. Somehow, this time when he looks at Johnny, his nerves only exaggerate.

When all eyes are finally on him, he clears his throat to buy him a few seconds more of time to collect himself.

“U-um—so. My name is Jaehyun. I’m also in J's Gap. Um—” his mind races to think of something else to say, but he must take a beat too long because suddenly Yuta’s speaking.

“You seem so much more different in person.” The smile on Yuta’s face shows that he intended the words to be kinder than Jaehyun took it, but he suddenly wishes the ground would swallow him whole. Or at the very least, he could have sat next to Johnny so he could squeeze his knee when he needed him to fill in his blanks.

“I—”

“He’s still cute, though. That’s always been his thing, at the very least.” A gentle voice says in Jaehyun’s defense. It pulls Jaehyun out of his thoughts and he snaps his head to look at Jungwoo properly for the first time that night.

His hair is dyed a bright orange, but it still has that oddly fitting middle part with his bangs that set his face nicely. Jaehyun’s face must be of surprise, because in the next moment he’s smiling at him in amusement and pats his leg gently. Then, he’s looking away and introducing himself and his channel— _wooilates_ or something like that. While he finishes up and Ten starts talking as if he hasn’t met everyone or was the one who fucking invited everyone, Jaehyun uses the moments to ease the knots that formed in his stomach. When he chances another look at Johnny, their eyes meet. This time, Johnny doesn’t smile, but instead seems to be deep in thought about something as he regards him. 

A few bottles of soju and several refills of side dishes and meats later, everyone is in their own conversations. Jaehyun is listening to Yuta and Sicheng discuss some video game he has no idea about as he finishes off the remaining meat on his plate.

“Pink is always been such a nice color on you,” Jungwoo says quietly and it takes Jaehyun a moment to realize he’s no longer taking part in whatever Johnny and Ten were talking about, but staring at the strings of Jaehyun’s jacket.

“Oh, thank you,” Jaehyun replies lamely, trying to figure what he should complement Jungwoo on. There’s so much that’s the same about him, he just simply looks more grown into himself. “I like your hair.”

Jungwoo laughs; it’s light and soft and Jaehyun almost feels like he’s back at home again.

“Thanks. Ten dyes it for me from time to time. I don’t normally go for such bold colors, but I don’t mind the attention it’s gotten me either. He actually filmed the process, I’m sure you remember seeing the video?”

“Oh yeah!” says with a little too much enthusiasm that based on the smile Jungwoo gives him in reply, he knows it was overkill, “I actually don’t catch most of anyone’s videos, if I’m being honest.”

Jungwoo’s hand is on his knee again, and Jaehyun is suddenly aware of how quiet both of them are speaking when he starts up again. 

“No worries, Jaehyun. I know you’re not much of a live in the past kind of person. You’re always moving forward.”

Jaehyun states quiet for a moment, averting his eyes to his plate while he tries to assess the meaning behind Jungwoo’s words. Eventually he glances at the hand on his knee, then to the eyes of its owner.

“Listen, Jungwoo. I never meant to—”

“Don’t apologize, Jaehyun. We were just curious kids.” Jungwoo says like it wasn’t only two years ago. “I was just a phase. I understand, and I was never mad. I think Doyoung was angry enough for me.”

Another small laugh escapes Jungwoo’s lips at the tail end of his sentence. Jaehyun frowns.

“It wasn’t a phase, Jungwoo.” He admits truthfully, more to himself than the other. “You weren’t a phase.” They stare at each other in silence for a moment. Jungwoo’s the first to look away and he smiles at his lap.

“You could have at least kept in touch when I went back home. Now _that_ I’ll accept an apology for.”

Jaehyun finally cracks a smile at that. “Can I make up for it by keeping in touch with you from now on?”

“No,” Jungwoo replies flatly, but without any bite, “You can make up for it by making sure I stay prettier than Johnny when you do my makeup.”

At the mention of his name, Jaehyun looks over at Johnny. He’s sitting very still as he listens to whatever Ten is telling him. Before Jaehyun can even think of how to get his attention, Yuta says his name and pulls him and Jungwoo into a conversation. 

Slowly, but surely Jaehyun begins to feel more at ease with the people around him, conversation flowing more easily from his lips. For once, he’s calm even when the arm draped around his shoulder isn’t Johnny’s.

▷▷▷

“Jaehyun, did you understand that?”

Jaehyun quickly looks at Ten at the mention of his name, ears reddening. He hadn’t been listening because he had stumbled upon a pretty lewd fanart of him and Johnny and felt pretty deer in the headlights about it. There’s a sharp chin on his shoulder and hand on his hip that he can instantly tell isn’t Johnny’s. He locks his phone quickly and shoves it in his pocket, clearing his throat.

They were taking a break, as they just finished filming the videos for Ten’s channel. With a slight change to their format, Jungwoo was the one who finished doing makeup on _him_ , and Johnny to Ten. The latter pair had taken to doing a mini photoshoot with each other, so it’s not like it’s Jaehyun’s fault that he got lost in his phone instead!

“I think Jaehyun was distracted by porn,” Jungwoo says simply over his shoulder.

“It-It’s not porn!” Jaehyun defends even though it’s definitely porn. It’s just porn that a fan probably put a lot of effort into and even though Jaehyun was scandalized at the position he was drawn in, it was still art! He clears his throat, glad there’s already blush on his cheeks to hide any other discoloration. “I was just scrolling through instagram is all. Sorry, could you repeat that?”

Ten sighs and Jungwoo chuckles in his ear.

“Ten was saying that you and Jungwoo might want to plan out what you’re gonna do to him, so you don’t mess up too much on camera.” Johnny says. Jaehyun watches him check the two cameras carefully, paying no mind to anyone else.

“Oh.” is all Jaehyun says before he turns around to speak to Jungwoo. He’s a little unsettled by the tone both Ten and Johnny have with him, so he can’t really bring himself to match the smile on Jungwoo’s face.

“So, what were you thinking of doing?” Jungwoo asks.

Jaehyun runs a hand through his hair. “I’m not entirely sure. I’m sorry Jungwoo, I probably should have done better research.”

If Jungwoo is upset or frustrated by this, he doesn’t show it.

“That’s fine. I can guide you in the right direction, Jaehyunie.” He says with a shrug. Jaehyun tries not to think how unfamiliar the name sounds on Jungwoo’s lips compared to when Johnny says it. He wasn’t calling him _hyung,_ however, so it wasn’t anything to complain about yet.

“Okay.” Jaehyun nods. He’s painfully unsure of what else to say, so he busies himself by making sure Jungwoo’s mic is properly placed and wired correctly. He does this in silence, as they pretty much got all of their small talk out of the way earlier when Jaehyun was getting his makeup done. He thinks back over the first shoot while he guides Jungwoo to sit down.

On camera, he felt a lot more at ease in making conversation with Jungwoo. So when he replays some of their conversations in his head, he’s already planning how to cut the video before he remembers what they filmed first is going on Ten’s channel. Maybe he could tell Johnny his ideas and Johnny will smoothly pass them on.

“You’re really good at all this behind the scene stuff,” Jungwoo comments as Jaehyun is standing at the camera, making sure the lighting looks sufficient enough. He glances at Jungwoo who’s watching him with interest, knees knobbed together. He can’t help but think about how further down at the other set, Johnny’s sitting in a similar chair but his pose is much more relaxed, his legs spread wide and unapologetic as he talks with Ten

(and yeah, Jaehyun is watching him out of the corner of his eye, so what?).

“It’s all thanks to Johnny,” he says eventually before the silence becomes impolite, “Without him I wouldn’t be half as knowledgeable about all of this.”

Jungwoo laughs while Jaehyun moves back to him, adjusting his own mic clipped to the color of his tan sweater.

“I believe that. I remember watching your first few videos.”

Jaehyun’s ears burn at the thought of _anyone_ watching his early videos. It wasn’t ashamed of them per say, he was just very aware how lacking his editing skills were before Johnny happened. Before they can comment any further, Ten moves in between the two sets to give direction. 

This time Jaehyun makes sure to listen so he doesn’t earn another look from Johnny again—even though they’ve already discussed this several times, but whatever! Ten goes on about how he and Jaehyun are to do Johnny’s and Jungwoo’s makeup for about 10 minutes. Which, obvious because that’s what Johnny and Jungwoo had to do to them. Jungwoo was far more experienced at it, so Jaehyun was actually impressed. It made him feel like an idol he saw on the music shows Johnny watched back at the apartment. Ten looked a bit less impressive, but Jaehyun knows they have a lot of good footage because their loud laughter that kept causing Jaehyun to forget to listen to whatever Jungwoo was saying at the time.

“—And then Jaehyun and I will switch. I’ll finish Jungwoo’s makeup and Jaehyun will finish Johnny’s.” Now _that_ Jaehyun was not expecting. He jerks his head to look at Johnny for his reaction. His calm expression tells him he knew about that. He and Ten probably even came up with the little twist together. Johnny smiles at him in amusement and it’s enough for Jaehyun to be aware that surprise is very obviously plastered on his face. “Me and Johnny think it’ll be a nice little twist for your channel.” Ten’s looking at him now, his expression curious but still cold. “Your viewers will love it.”

He’s not wrong, so Jaehyun just nods through the anxiety that starts to build in his stomach.

It eases a bit when Ten finally shuts up and they’re able to finally start filming. Jaehyun spends a few last minute moments making sure everything is working on their set before he moves into the view of the camera and checks he and Jungwoo out in the monitor.

He grins at himself in the monitor and gives a thumbs up at Ten and Johnny to begin recording. He and Jungwoo watch them do introductions, but not without making sure they look at their own camera from time to time. Once they finish, he and Jungwoo do their own short introductions and routing lines to Ten’s and Jungwoo’s separate channels.

At last Ten makes a dramatic show of starting the timer and they begin making up their partners. 

Jaehyun is applying foundation gingerly to Jungwoo’s face, Jungwoo compliant and smiling under his concentrated gaze.

“You take care of me so well,” Jungwoo comments and Jaehyun almost forgets they’re filming. He coughs into the sleeve of his sweater, then glances down at the makeup, trying to remember what the next steps are.

“Do I?” He says, putting on a smile and being grateful as Jungwoo hands him an eyeshadow palette. He grabs what he hopes is the correct brush.

“Mhm,” Jungwoo answers, tilting his head up slightly and looking down in anticipation for the makeup application, “But you’ve always been that way. I’ll never forget my year in America thanks to you.”

Jaehyun carefully applies a dark gold eyeshadow to Jungwoo’s top lash line, giving a quick glance to the camera and smiling wider.

“I’m sure most viewers are surprised to know that we actually knew each other before all of this,” he states as begins work on Jungwoo’s other eye, “Me and Zeus had several classes together during his year abroad. He was even in my choir class.”

Jungwoo’s looks at Jaehyun at the use of his beloved Youtuber nickname. There’s a slight glint in his eyes when he speaks again.

“Oh yeah, we spent lots of time together didn’t we?” He looks at the camera when Jaehyun sets the brush down to ponder what to do next, “My English wasn’t the best, so I spent _a lot_ of time with Jaehyun because he was patient with me and good friend. He was always willing to help me, so we spent a lot of time in his room, learning.”

He looks at the eyebrow pencil Jaehyun is now holding before making eye contact with him again. Jaehyun holds his gaze for a moment, before he leans again. He gives a quick wink to the camera because he knows what drives the viewers crazy. He also knows damn well what Jungwoo is doing and what this is going to create within their fan communities.

“Those were fun times,” Jaehyun admits carefully while applying makeup to Jungwoo’s eyebrows. “You even attended my basketball games even though I practically never played.”

Jungwoo hums and his eyes are closed now as he smiles probably at the memory.

“Yeah, and Doyoung always hated coming with me, but his mother always made him since he could drive.”

Jaehyun laughs, taking glee anytime Doyoung is annoyed at his expense 

“He was like the annoyed best friend of a devoted girlfriend.” He says before really thinks about it, but when he does he instantly feels flustered at the implications.

“Girlfriend?” Jungwoo replies, grinning as Jaehyun busies himself with choosing what to do next, “Is that what I was to you?”—And then when Jaehyun only laughs, for once clueless as fuck for how to respond in front of the camera, he says—“Anyway, Jaehyun was a good friend, so of course I would support him and his benchwarming. He already had a pretty girlfriend, anyway.”

And then before Jaehyun can attempt to gather any one of his thoughts, there’s a timer beeping from somewhere in the room and it’s time for him to switch places with Ten. For good measure he pats the top of Jungwoo’s head before quickly moving over to Johnny, glad to be freed from the weird direction their conversation had taken.

Only the moment he lays eyes on Johnny, he feels like he might much rather go back to Jungwoo and he’s not entirely sure why.

Completely unsure why.

The mess Ten has left behind is anything but. Johnny’s makeup is subtle, but of course Ten is expert enough to make it look _good._ There’s a slight dip of brown, sparkly eyeshadow that lines the corners of Johnny’s eyes and a dark, but not black, liner on his lash line. It’s the first thing Jaehyun notices as he approaches Johnny sitting leisurely in his chair, watching Jaehyun watch him. 

The next thing Jaehyun notices is the faint amount of blush on the apples of his cheeks and Jaehyun's mouth feels very dry when Johnny suddenly smiles at him. It takes him a moment to recall that the camera was still on. He meets his smile when he’s standing in front of him.

“Looks like Ten didn’t leave me much left to do,” Jaehyun tells him shyly, observing the makeup laid out for him. His hands are hiding in the sleeves of his sweater while he looks through, before he chances another look at Johnny.

“You’re right, actually,” Johnny replies, sitting up straighter, “but he didn’t have time to get my lips.”

Jaehyun swallows, letting his eyes fall to Johnny’s lips.

“Oh,” is all he manages to say, and quite frankly he confuses himself at his lack of words.

“So, anyway,” Johnny says in his YouTuber voice, looking at the camera, “Now we have Jae here to finish making me pretty. I’m in good care with you, right?”

The tiny metaphorical hamsters in Jaehyun’s brain start running in their wheels again and Jaehyun laughs as he looks in the camera.

“Johnny, I think our viewers would agree with me when I say you’re pretty enough without the makeup. I could even say you don’t need makeup to cover up. The way that you are is—“

“Please stop before I have to cancel our friendship forever.” Johnny whines with a grimace. It’s playful though, so Jaehyun just continues to laugh while he sifts through his choice of lip makeup.

“Okay,” Jaehyun replies, grabbing a reddish lip tint, “I’ll shut up this time.” He uncaps the tint and regards it for a moment. Seconds later a large hand wraps around his wrists and he stills completely, staring at Johnny in surprise.

Johnny just stares at him briefly before he grins. “C’mon Jaehyun, you’re not going to put that on my lips without making sure they’re prepped and ready.” Jaehyun just continues to stare at him before Johnny lets go to grab a jar of what Jaehyun belatedly realize is lip scrub.

“Oh yeah,” Jaehyun says with a laugh he hopes doesn’t sound too nervous, “How could I forget?”

He takes the lil scrub and grins as he holds it in front of the camera, hand behind it like he saw last night in the beauty videos he watched for last minute research.

“First thing's first,” he giggles into the camera as he unscrews the lid, “We gotta make sure Johnny’s lips are free of any dead skin?” It’s a question because he’s more of a chapstick guy and never really understand what lip scrubs did. Johnny just puckers his lips in response, staring at Jaehyun expectantly.  

Jaehyun rolls his eyes playfully, but puts what he hopes is a generous amount on his fingers, then swipes it on Johnny’s lower lip. If his heart skips a beat at the first contact, what about it!

He tries not to stare too hard as Johnny rubs his lips together to spread the scrub. He instead busies himself with organizing the brushes uselessly.

“So Johnny and I got invited to a Halloween party. I’m pretty excited for it. Care to give any hints on what you’re going to be for Halloween?” he says, then makes the mistake of looking at Johnny while he’s licking the scrub off of his lips.

“All I can say for now, is that it’s gonna be _great.”_ Johnny replies and Jaehyun just stares at him for a few seconds because frankly he forgot what he just asked.

“Even I don’t know what he’s planning to be, so if that’s a hint I’m just as clueless as you guys are,” he says at the camera, once he does remember. Johnny smiles and hands him his own chapstick, and Jaehyun applies it to his lips easily. 

“What about you then, hm?” Johnny asks once he finishes. Jaehyun grabs the lip tint once again and hums, stepping closer to Johnny.

“Secret,” he says simply, carefully grabbing hold of Johnny’s chin. Johnny hums, watching Jaehyun’s hand as he rolls his wrists with the lip tint in his grasp.

“Jaehyun loves his secrets.” he murmurs quietly. He and Jaehyun stare at each other. 

Jaehyun clears his throat and tightens his grip slightly on Johnny’s chin, urging him to open his mouth so he can apply the lip tint. He does it gingerly, convincing himself that he’s only staring so intently so he doesn’t accidentally swipe any on his skin. Their conversation dies at that point, but neither make an effort to start a new one because they know they’ll be able to edit it in their favor.

When Jaehyun finishes applying the lip tint, Johnny asks him _How do I look?_ and for once he’s grateful when Ten comes into the shot to talk about how hot he looks

(because he isn’t wrong, but Jaehyun wasn’t going to admit that, or say anything really as his brain seemed to momentarily forget how to form words).

The rest of filming goes easily, however, with playfulness from everyone. Jaehyun even admits to Johnny that he enjoyed the whole experience and is excited to do this again with other YouTubers in their growing circle of friends. There’s clear excitement in Johnny’s eyes when they further discuss the prospects over soju and takeout at the apartment, and Jaehyun swears it’s just the makeup Johnny’s still wearing that has him watching his best friend so closely the rest of that night. 

▷▷▷

Okay, so Jaehyun is willing to admit he really had no idea what he was going to be for Halloween, so that is the _only_ reason he agreed to do a couples costume with Jungwoo because his roommate (Doyoung actually, he’ll discover later tonight to his surprise) backed out at the last second.

He’s alone at Johnny's apartment for the first time, standing in front of the bathroom mirror to style his hair. Johnny had gone to pick up his costume from an old friend—hours ago, mind you—and Jungwoo is running about 10 minutes late.

His suspenders are hanging unset off his pants and the stupid long string in place of buttons on his shirt remain untied. He’s a little more than flustered at being left alone. Jaehyun huffs after running his fingers through his hair one last time before he moves back into the main room to pace around. He’d already filmed a little bit via his Instagram story, but didn’t feel up to do much more when alone, so he stopped doing that pretty quickly. He settles in the kitchenette area, pouring himself a glass of water just to keep himself busy.

At last there’s a knock on the door, which tells him enough that it’s Jungwoo. He sets the glass down and runs to the door, a smile already on his face to greet him.

It falls immediately the moment his eyes fall on Jungwoo because what the _fuck._

Jungwoo looks at him through his fake eyelashes and light brown contacts, a sly smile on his face as he gently pushes his way in.

“Hi, Jaehyun,” he says, glancing around the apartment, “Oh this place is really nice. Small though, you don’t go crazy in here having to share with Johnny?”

Jaehyun’s brain reboots and it allows him to shut the door before he turns to look at Jungwoo again.

“You Rose,” Jaehyun says stupidly because currently his brain is more of a 7 year old, porn virused Windows XP, and thus unable to comprehend questions directed at him for the next 4 minutes it takes to get to the desktop screen.

Jungwoo plays with a small section of his wig? Extensions? He's dyed his hair from orange, to a light brown.

“You Jack,” Jungwoo replies playfully, walking to the kitchenette, “I take you like my costume.”

Jaehyun follows him, very much in need of that glass of water.

“It’s…yes.” he answers, grabbing the glass of water and gulping it down quickly, cooling both him and his brain down. His thoughts begin to string together logically again. “It’s very authentic?” For the most part at least. The dress was questionable, but Jaehyun felt no need to point out the wrong dress color.

Jungwoo doesn’t reply for a moment and takes the glass from Jaehyun, filling it with more water and drinking from it himself. He sits down on one of the stools and crosses one leg over the other. It vaguely reminds Jaehyun of what Wendy used to do when she was getting ready to lecture him on how to behave in front of her friends. 

“Of course it is. I always take care when it comes to my costumes. Don’t you remember junior year?”

Jaehyun does. He made Doyoung be the 1960’s Batman to his 1960’s Robin and it was really awkward for everyone because even now Doyoung still doesn’t have the frame to pull off Batman, but he did have a point. The memory makes him smile.

“Oh yeah,” he replies, fidgeting with the strings of his shirt, “Thanks for having Ten drop off the Jack costume, by the way. It’s really comfortable.”

Jungwoo smiles up at him, “It looks really good on you, too. We’re going to be the hottest couple there tonight.”

The words settle weirdly in Jaehyun’s head and he opens his mouth to reply, but then suddenly the front door opens and Johnny walks in.

“Sorry it took so long. Sehun and I get really chatty whenever we meet up, and then I had to stop by the convenience store really quick.”

Jaehyun forgets what he was going to tell Jungwoo the moment he looks at Johnny. He’s closing the door, already in costume and _oh my,_ _God_ he looks so stupid and Jaehyun’s heart has never felt such a fondness that fluttered like butterflies into the pit of his stomach. 

“That’s your costume?” Jaehyun says while approaching him, “A tiger?”

“Not just ‘a tiger’,” Johnny replies with a grin on his face, pulling out a box from the grocery bag in hand, “Tony THE Tiger.” He holds out a box of Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes and Jaehyun develops a sudden urge to slap it out of his hand.

“You’re wearing a onesie.” He comments instead of succumbing to his urges.

Johnny sets the box down in the kitchenette, greeting Jungwoo politely before turning back to Jaehyun.

“Yeah, isn’t it genius? I get to be comfortable, cute, and clever all in one costume.”

“I don’t know about clever,” Jaehyun mumbles mostly to himself. “You could have at least painted your face.”

“Oh! That reminds me,” Johnny begins and begins to search himself. He pulls what looks to be black eyeliner from his pocket because _of course_ the onesie has pockets. “Can you draw a nose and whiskers on me? Then my costume will be complete!”

Jaehyun squints at him, half wanting to tease Johnny and half wanting die, but that was only because he felt his heart beat pick up and he refused to think about why.

“Couldn’t Ten do a better a better job of doing that?” Jaehyun asks in lieu of either.

“But I want you to do it,” Johny replies, shaking his head. Jaehyun smiles at, accepting it as a little victory. He takes a steps closer, grabbing the eyeliner from him.

“Sit down.”

 And Johnny does, hoisting himself onto the island that separated the kitchenette from the rest of the apartment. Jaehyun steps in between his legs and grabs his chin, tilting Johnny’s head downward.

“Don’t hate me if this turns out shitty.” He tells Johnny, making eye contact for a moment. He almost swears he can feel Johnny’s breath hitching briefly, but then he’s smiling at Jaehyun in a mock smirk. 

“You know I could never.”

“We should probably leave soon, by the way.” Jungwoo voices, soft, but firm. They both turn their heads to stare at him because quite frankly they had forgotten he was there. He clears his throat, “We’re approaching the point where it’s not even going to be fashionably late.”

“Oh,” Jaehyun says, “Yeah, no worries. Let me do this real quick and we can head out. Can you called a cab?” Jungwoo agrees and Jaehyun turns back to Johnny right away.

Johnny’s eyes are closed while Jaehyun carefully darks his nose with an oval and cheeks with a set of whiskers. Jaehyun finds himself laughing when he finishes, taking a small step back. Johnny opens his eyes and give Jaehyun a look. 

“What, did you mess up?”

Jaehyun shakes his head, “No, I just made you look really cute.” He misses the way Johnny blushes because he notices something large and matching to Johnny’s costume in the same bag the cereal was in. He moves and pulls it out of the bag.

“What’s this?” he asks, holding it up and getting his answer right away. It was a matching headpiece for his costume, along with a red bandana and _oh my god_ there were giant white gloves too. “ _Johnny—”_

“I’m not wearing any of that,” he replies immediately, “The onesie and whiskers are enough.”

But of course with a little pout and pleading from Jaehyun, he ends up wearing it all.

▷▷▷

By the time Jack and Rose (and Tony!) get to the party, they are in fact right at fashionably late. There’s a sizable amount of people at the venue, but not too many people seem shitfaced just yet. Jaehyun can see slight parallels of this party with ones he would go to back home. It’s crowds of people he vaguely recognizes _—_ only this time instead of classmates, they’re YouTubers or other online personalities. The people at his side are his friends, so it’s a sense of comfort in an environment of a busy jungle.

However, one thing he wishes he would have considered is that by attending the party as the Jack to Jungwoo’s Rose, he’s committed himself to having Jungwoo’s vice grip on his wrist for most of the night. Somewhere along the way, Johnny’s lost them in another group of people, but where Jaehyun lost sight of a friend, he gained a drink in his hand. He has no idea what it is, but just knows that it’s at least his third and pleasantly tropical.

Whenever Jungwoo coaxes him into another selfie, he can feel his eyes losing focus and his face reddening with each set of people they’re with. At some point, Jaehyun gives into the role and keeps an arm around Jungwoo as the alcohol and closeness gives him confidence to talk with other people. They’re standing with a group of girl beauty vloggers dressed up as the sailor scouts, when he chooses to pose with Jungwoo like in the  _Titanic_ scene where they’re standing at the bow.

His arms are at Jungwoo’s waste and he’s close enough to feel his body heat. They’re standing in front of someone’s camera. Jaehyun lets himself exhale on Jungwoo’s neck before he makes eye contact with the camera. Only, right in the line of vision he catches the orange mess of Johnny’s costume. Not even a second later, they’re making eye contact. Jaehyun digs the blunt of his nails in Jungwoo’s waist briefly before he’s letting go and breaking both from his act and eye contact with Johnny. In the next moment he’s laughing and rubbing at the warmth of his ears, turning away from the camera and to Sailor Venus. Jungwoo clings to his arm again, but Jaehyun feels less inclined to reciprocate.

After another drink and empty promises of agreeing to be on Sailor Saturn’s and Uranus’s youtube channel next year, Jaehyun agrees to being dragged away with Jungwoo to take a break from standing and meet with their friends in one of the booths.

“You seem to be enjoying yourself a lot,” Jungwoo observes with genuine amusement. His hand is back to circling around Jaehyun’s wrist.

“These drinks are really good,” Jaehyun replies through a giggle as he holds his drink up. Jungwoo smiles at him and lets his head wrest on Jaehyun’s shoulder for a moment.

“You’re always so cute, Jaehyunie,” he says and then stands up straight again to greet their friends at the table.

Jaehyun looks around, and to his surprise sees Doyoung and his younger brother. Next to them is someone he can’t quite remember the name of, but knows to be a gamer. He’s chatting with Winwin and Yuta. On their other side also tuned into to the conversation is Ten, Johnny, and Doyoung’s older brother. It’s an odd mix of costume and aside from Johnny being a cute Tony the Tiger, he really has no idea who anyone had attempted to dress up as.

Most of them look up as they approach the table, Jungwoo tugging him down to sit on Doyoung's end.

“Aw, the happy couple has arrived,”’ Ten coos and Jaehyun just stare at him, but mostly because he has no eyebrows. It’s familiar in Jaehyun’s mind, but he’s one drink past from remembering why, and two past caring.

“Oh, I don’t know about couple. My Jack has been cozying with Seulgi and Irene most of the night so far.” Jungwoo says without any bite, snaking his arms around Jaehyun’s right, then letting his head rest against his shoulder again.

Jaehyun feels himself blush and takes another sip from his drink.

“I was just being nice,” he eventually mumbles in reply, eyes looking down at the table so he wouldn’t catch anyone else’s _—_ and then the conversation thankfully turns back to whatever they were talking about beforehand. Jaehyun tries his best to at least listen, but the only video game he ever plays is Mario Kart so he doesn't feel confident enough to participate.

At some point, one of Jungwoo’s hands finds its way to Jaehyun’s thigh and he hopes that no one sees him startle slightly at the contact. He think’s it’s nothing, but then Jungwoo gives his thigh a small squeeze and he starts rubbing small circles with his thumb. Jaehyun blames the alcohol and sense of familiarity for the way his body reacts.  

He tilts his head slightly toward Jungwoo, looking at him out of the corning of his eye.

“What’s up, Jungwoo?” he asks quietly, like there was a risk of anyone hearing them over the roar of the music and surrounding conversations. Jungwoo turns to look at him, moving his hand up higher.  

“Nothing, just getting a little bored, you know?” Jungwoo says and Jaehyun reacts by staring straight ahead to avoid his gaze.

“Maybe you should get up and go dance. People are actually starting to use the dance floor now,” Jaehyun replies with a dry swallow, moving a hand over Jungwoo’s to still his movements. 

“I was thinking maybe _we_ could get up and go do something else,” Jungwoo says, this time against Jaehyun’s neck. His breathing hitches, causing him to look up. To his horror, he accidentally makes eye contact with someone.

His stomach flutters at the realization that it’s Johnny that he’s staring at, and they don’t break eye contact for a while. He doesn’t even notice when Jungwoo finally pulls his hand back.

Eventually, Johnny’s the first to look away.

“Does anyone want another drink? I’m going to the bar,” Johnny declares. Ten shakes his drink at him and Yuta says something in response on behalf of him and Sicheng. Jaehyun himself is just a little shook because even though he had a drink in his hand the whole night, he wasn’t aware there was a bar.

“I’ll go with you,” he finds himself saying, sliding out of the booth to stand, hoping he doesn't look as flustered as he feels.

Johnny looks at him again and nods, sliding out easily because Gong Myung had already gone somewhere else about ten minutes prior. The walk to the bar is quiet between themselves, letting the noise around replace any attempt at conversation. 

When they reach it, Johnny orders a round of various drinks and goes quiet again. Jaehyun finds himself chewing on his lip. He feels nervousness mixing in with the heaviness of his lack of sobriety, and he isn’t sure why.

“I think Jungwoo is a little too eager tonight,” Jaehyun says weakly with a small laugh, taking his hat off briefly to pat down his hair.

“I’ve noticed.” Johnny replies. Jaehyun feels a tightness in his throat and fixes his gaze to Johnny’s bandana. To his surprise, Johnny laughs and suddenly the tension is gone from his face. “But that seems to be the case with everyone with you tonight. You haven’t had to buy one drink tonight, have you?”

 Jaehyun smiles sheepishly, feeling much happier all of a sudden.

 “Guess people can’t resist my charm.”

 Johnny wraps an arm around Jaehyun and he relaxes into it instantly.

 “You have no idea, Jaehyunie.”

▷▷▷

It’s sad really, how fast Jaehyun’s mood can change. When they had gotten back to the booth, only Ten, Sicheng and Yuta had remained. Jaehyun didn’t bother asking where Jungwoo was, but then soon after Ten dragged Johnny away to dance because he wanted someone  _tall, orange, and handsome._  

And then suddenly Jaehyun was alone when Sicheng and Yuta decided to go be a couple somewhere else. He sips the tail end of his last drink a little miserably, sitting alone in the booth and watching the party around him. At this point, most of the crowd is well past regrettably drunk and Jaehyun finds himself getting annoyed at everyone.

Didn’t Jungwoo want to take to a private room somewhere to do God knows what like thirty minutes ago? Where was he now? And more importantly where was Johnny! Johnny, of all people _knows_ how Jaehyun is when he’s forced alone in such a public space. He spends some time just on his phone, browsing through Instagram. He stops on the photo Johnny had uploaded when they were in the cab earlier. It’s a selfie of themselves after Jaehyun had all but forced the headpiece and gloves on Johnny. Jaehyun can’t help but smile at the picture as he double taps it and screenshots it to save it to his phone. 

In a sudden rush of enthusiasm, he finally stands and begins to search for Johnny and the others. The first pair he finds is Sicheng and Yuta getting very handsy near the bar. He hopes the alcohol will erase the image from his brain overnight and he makes his way to the dance floor, where he notices a small crowd had gathered around two people. He sees flashes of orange and forces his way through to see.

His heart drops into his stomach and it’s so stupid really. No, it’s actually _stupid_ because Ten grinding his ass on Johnny in his tiger costume is so _stupid_ and ridiculous, yet Johnny’s laughing along with everyone while his giant gloves hang onto Ten’s hips.

Jaehyun immediately turns back around and makes his way to the exit without anyone stopping him. Once he’s outside and feels the cold night air scratching his face, he pulls out his phone and orders a cab.

It’s not until he’s safely inside that he chooses to send Johnny a text that he had gone home. Not that it would matter anyway. He doubts Johnny would be looking at his phone anytime soon.

▷▷▷

This was a much better way to spend the night. Or morning, rather since it was just a little after midnight.

Jaehyun was sitting on the couch back at Johnny's place with a bottle of wine in hand. They had originally bought it along with a few others to play a drinking game to _Boys Over Flowers_ as apart of their month in Korea theme for their channel, but never got around to actually doing it.

Until now at least, and so what if Johnny wasn’t here! It was a lot less of a game alone though, and more of just taking a sip whenever Junpyo made him want to throw the bottle at the TV.

Needless to say, Jaehyun got pretty drunk, pretty quickly _—_ _again._

Unfortunately, the longer he watched it the more lonely he found himself getting because there’s so much he wanted to comment on, but had no one to voice it to. He thought about live texting Johnny, but then he would remember he’s mad at him (and also he abandoned his phone near the cabinets the wine was stored in and was too lazy to get it). He pouted when he thought about Johnny and took another sip from the bottle. It was more than halfway finished now and he was coated in a warm, flushed feeling all over his body. Jaehyun’s attention went back to the show pretty quickly, and remained he engaged until the front door knob started jiggling pretty aggressively.

 Jaehyun glances over just in time to see Johnny rush into the apartment, a frantic look on his face as he shuts the door, his gloves and headpiece squished together in his right hand.

“Johnny!” Jaehyun exclaims in surprise, feeling his cheeks warm even more under the look Johnny was giving him.

“Jesus, Jaehyun, why didn’t you text when you got here! We were all worried when we couldn’t find you, but then when I saw your text saying that you were going home, I thought you would have been okay, but then no one could get a hold of you. I've been calling and texting you for an hour!”

There’s an intense, predatory look in Johnny’s eyes and Jaehyun’s brain is too overwhelmed to make sense of it. Instead he holds out the bottle of wine to Johnny and says, “You sound like you could use a drink.”

Johnny’s eyes briefly flicker to the bottle then back at Jaehyun and he just _stares._ Feeling an odd sense of shyness, Jaehyun turns away and looks at the TV again, trying to focus on Jandi getting food thrown at her. He hears Johnny sigh loudly, and then a moment later his phone is tossed into his lap before Johnny sits down next to him on the couch.

“You really did have me worried, Jaehyunie.” Johnny says as he takes the wine bottle to sip from it.

“Didn’t seem too worried when you were dancing with Ten,” Jaehyun mumbles in reply, arms crossed only briefly before he realizes he wants to hold the wine bottle again. He takes it from Johnny, looking at him when he feels his eyes on him.

“I _—_ we were filming. Ten wanted it for his vlog channel. We were just messing around. Besides, surely I’d thought you would have found your way to Jungwoo again.”

Jaehyun frowns and drinks from the bottle before speaking again, “The last time I saw Jungwoo was before we went to the bar. I didn’t see him since then. I was actually left alone for the rest of the night.”

Johnny’s face softens at that, concern washing over his expression.

“Alone?”

“Yeah. I mean, Sicheng and Yuta boyfriend asked if I wanted to come dancing with them, but I could tell they wanted to be alone.” He takes another drink when he remembers seeing them at the bar.

“You could have come and found me, you know,” Johnny says gently, taking the bottle out of Jaehyun’s hands. Jaehyun was frowning again because obviously he _did_ try and do that and that’s when he found him and Ten enjoying their time together. He wasn’t sure how to voice that though, like somehow his brain was trying to shove it away.

Jaehyun just hums in response and just tries to focus on the TV. There’s still weird feeling in his chest when his mind wanders back to Ten. He can’t seem to sooth the frown on his face. 

“You really should have at least texted when you got back.” Johnny presses again while he takes off the bandana around his neck.

“I don’t think you would have seen the text for a while anyway.” Jaehyun shoots back, not looking away from the TV.

“But I would have seen it before I started to worry when I couldn’t find you.”

“Yeah well _—_ ” he starts, looking at Johnny this time, only finding himself losing his words what with the way Johnny’s staring at him again. He swallows and says more quietly, “You were having fun with Ten. I didn’t want to bother you, _hyung.”_  

There’s a very pregnant pause in the way the atmosphere changes.

Something flashes in Johnny’s eyes before his eyebrows knit together in confusion.

“‘Hyung’?”  

Jaehyun nods, unable to stop himself from scooting closer.

“Ten uses it with you. I know you like it when he does that.”  

Jaehyun’s gaze falls to Johnny’s throat when watches him swallow. He shifts to sit on his knees so he can stare at him, his body facing completely away from the TV.

“I mean," Johnny starts, licking his lips, “When in Rome, right?” Jaehyun scoots closer.

“We’re in Korea,” he replies stupidly, brain too sluggish to understand. He reaches up, running a finger along one of the whiskers he had drawn earlier in the night.

The touch causes Johnny to turn his head in surprise, resulting in Jaehyun’s finger brushing against his nose and lips. Johnny’s gaze falls to the finger and Jaehyun lets it brush against his lips a little more before he pulls it back.

“Johnny?”

Johnny looks at him while Jaehyun sits up a little straighter on his knees, making him slightly taller with they way they’re both situated. Johnny has to look up him slightly, and it gives himself a falsified sense of courage.

“Yes, Jaehyun?”

Jaehyun rests his arm on the back of the couch, letting his cheek rest in his hand, a slight pout on his face when he asks, “Do you like Ten?”

There’s a short pause.

“I mean, yeah. He’s a cool dude.”

“No,” Jaehyun shakes his head and fixes his eyes to the wine bottle Johnny had put on the coffee table, “I mean, do you _like_ Ten?”

Their eyes meet again, Johnny’s wide in surprise.

“You think I like Ten...like that?”

His question for a question makes him feel a little stupid and he looks down, biting at his lower lip.

“I mean,” he starts, “At the very least, Ten likes you, he’s always _flirting _—_ ” _

“Ten has a boyfriend,” Johnny rushes out before Jaehyun can finish, “And I just see him as a friend, by the way. You don’t need to worry about me getting my heart broken or anything.”

Jaehyun feels like his world has been tilted slightly. Ten is in a relationship, even though he flirts so openly with so many people. He tries to wrack his brain for anyone he’s met through out the last few weeks that Ten acted at least a little different around. He even tried to think back to the times he’d been in Ten’s apartment for any signs that more than one person lived there. 

“What, but who _—_?”

“They’ve been long distance for the last few months,” Johnny answers, shaking his head, “But I’m not really sure who it is either. Both of them value their privacy together, so they’ve been keeping it hidden. Apparently he isn’t really one for social media, and Ten respects that.” 

Jaehyun begins to wonder if that means Ten’s mystery boyfriend is in someone in the mafia, or just an average librarian scared of any spotlight, but then he decides he can ponder that another time. The realization hits him suddenly that Johnny _doesn’t_ like Ten like that, that neither of them see each other that way.  He looks at Johnny again, this time with an intensity in his eyes that he knows Johnny can feel.

“Johnny _—_ ” he starts, but then stops because he isn’t sure what he wants to say. Johnny waits for him patiently, and Jaehyun uses this moment to let his eyes wander across his form. His hair is a little sweaty from the headpiece he had been wearing all night. There’s a thin layer of oil or sweat that covers his face probably from dancing all night, but it doesn’t look disgusting in the slightest. Jaehyun’s mouth feels dry when he thinks about how Johnny’s skin beneath the stupid onesie probably matches his face.

Jaehyun breathing hitches when he realizes, that in spite of all of this, he is still very much attracted to Johnny, furrie suit and all (does this make he, himself a furrie?). He’s not sure what makes him do it _—_ the alcohol or the sudden wall of feelings that slammed into his heart and pushed it against his ribcage. Jaehyun climbs into Johnny’s lap in the next moment, steadying himself by placing his hands behind Johnny on the back of the couch.

Johnny’s eyes are wide as he stares up at Jaehyun.

“Jaehyun?” 

Jaehyun leans in, wondering if Johnny can feel the rhythm of his heart as he presses closer. He lets his eyes purposefully fall to Johnny’s lips.

“Can I try something?” he asks quietly, knowing that if he were to look up all courage would leave him, and he feels too much of a pull to not try it. He feels a pair of hands rest on his hips. Johnny gives them a light squeeze and nods wordlessly in permission.

There’s only a fraction of hesitation before Jaehyun lets his eyes close and presses his lips to Johnny’s. They’re soft and a sticky wet from when Johnny had licked his lips a few moments ago. He moves a hand to rest it against the back of Johnny’s neck, and it’s then that Johnny begins to kiss back.  

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he thinks he should be worrying about the lasting consequences of doing this, but it’s squashed away into nothing because kissing Johnny is just so _good_ and he no longer is able to think about anything else. Johnny is the first one to deepen the kiss when he feels the swipe of his tongue against Jaehyun’s lip. He accepts it eagerly with a quiet whine as his nails dig lightly into Johnny’s neck.

Johnny reacts by giving Jaehyun’s hips another squeeze, before untucking the shirt that was still tucked into Jaehyun’s pants. His warm hands ride up the side of Jaehyun’s bare skin and his sure he’s made an embarrassing noise _—_ but none of that matters because then Johnny’s lips trail kisses along Jaehyun’s jaw, down to his neck.

Jaehyun’s hand tangles through Johnny’s hair as his name escapes his lips, body flushed pink at the feeling of Johnny’s teeth against his skin. As quickly as they appear, they’re replaced by the press of his lips, and then a hand moves from the bare skin on his side to his chin as Johnny tilts his head down so their eyes can meet.

The noise of the TV is secondary to their slight heavy breaths ghosting against each other’s skin as they stare at each other. Johnny’s pupils are blown wide with desire and that idea hits Jaehyun hard in the pit of his stomach. He lets his lips brush against Johnny’s and Johnny just pulls him even closer against him.

“You’re making me really hot,” Johnny mumbles against his lips as he moves his hands to slide Jaehyun’s suspenders off his shoulders. Jaehyun hums in response, placing his hands on either side of Johnny’s face to feel the warmth of his cheeks. He rolls his hips experimentally against him, reveling in the reaction Johnny displays for him. 

“No kidding,” he says, taking Johnny’s lower lip between his teeth experimentally.

And then Johnny reacts unexpectedly. An actual giggle escapes Johnny’s lips and he places his hands over Jaehyun’s to pull them down.

“No I mean _—_ well actually I have multiple meanings at this point,” Johnny starts, laughter stuttering a little when Jaehyun rolls his hips again, “Like you’re making me too hot to be in my costume any longer.” 

To that Jaehyun pauses, taking a moment to sit back and regard Johnny carefully. He’s watching Jaehyun warily, face pink and Jaehyun realizes that he probably actually is a little uncomfortable being so confined in the onesie. For some reason, the thought only fuels Jaehyun’s desire and confidence because Johnny is reacting this way because of _him_.

He pulls his hands away from Johnny’s to run them through his sweaty hair, enjoying the site of pulling his head slightly back. He leans in to kiss him slow.

“You should let me take it off of you then, _hyung._ ” he murmurs quietly against Johnny’s skin as he kisses along his jaw. Johnny’s hands find purchase at Jaehyun’s thighs this time.

“Do whatever you want, Jaehyunie.”

And so he does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> halloween 2018 has haunted me ever since its occurrence, so i had to include it in here somehow u_u


	3. when the party's over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK FIRSTABLE. Sorry it took so long! I've started working on some other things and they preoccupied my mind for a while hehe. But also, this chapter is VERY important, as it's the halfway point and all that, so it took time to craft it the way I wanted to. I hope the content of it makes up for lost time. <3 
> 
> SOME WARNINGS: This is where the rating comes into play so uh, sexual content ahead. _Mild_ choking/breath play but nothing too overwhelming this time around.
> 
> And lastly ofc, all mistakes are my own, n once again thank u to sarah for being my cheerleader, critic, and bro. <3

“I wonder about something,” Johnny says. He’s hovered over Jaehyun, hands on either side of his head and kneeling between his legs. They moved from the couch after settling on using Jaehyun's bed since it was the lower of the perpendicular and probably Swedish bunk bed set up Johnny's apartment had.  

Jaehyun cocks his head to the side, one hand laced in Johnny’s hair, the other rubbing at the fabric of his shirt.

“And what is that?” he asks.

They’re both in various stages of undress. Johnny, is thankfully out of his Tony the Tiger costume, hovering over Jaehyun in a plain white t-shirt and boxer briefs, while Jaehyun lays pliant under him, devoid of any clothing save for his own underwear. It’s a bit unfair that Jaehyun’s further along than he is, but he understands that it’s a bit easier to take off a loose blouse and suspender pants than an oversized fursuit. Jaehyun, at least, didn’t fall over and almost break his neck trying to undress.

Johnny leans down and presses his lips against Jaehyun’s neck. Any prior thoughts melt out of his mind and into the void. What’s a fursuit? Jaehyun doesn’t know.

“Do you remember when you and Wendy broke up, how her friends spread those, uh, rumors about your sex life all over Instagram?” Johnny mumbleasks against his neck. Jaehyun feels himself flush at the memory.

“Yeah,” he replies, “What about it?”

“How much of it was true?” Johnny looks at him when he asks, a hand ghosting up the side of his neck, barely touching. The warmth emitting from his hands cause goosebumps to rise against Jaehyun’s skin.

Jaehyun tilts Johnny’s head up so they can kiss.

“All of it.” Jaehyun answers before bring their lips together. They kiss slowly while Jaehyun begins to feel the weight of Johnny’s hand resting at the base of his neck. He watches Johnny with slanted eyes as he breaks the kiss to bring his lips to Jaehyun’s ear.

“Even the dripping wax thing?” Johnny mumbles while he applies more pressure to his grip around Jaehyun’s neck. Jaehyun’s eyes flutter shut and he can’t help the strained groan that escapes his lips as he feels the building pressure in his head.

“Especially the wax thing,” Jaehyun admits breathlessly, a mischievous glint in his eyes. Johnny moves his hand to run it down his chest, his lips moving down to his neck.

“You never cease to amaze me, Jaehyunie,” he says, nipping at a particularly sensitive part against his skin. Jaehyun bites his lip, allowing his eyes to shut.

“Mm, careful. We gotta shoot tomorrow, remember?” Jaehyun murmurs. Johnny pauses and for a moment Jaehyun thinks he might have said the wrong thing when he watches Johnny sit up. They stare at each other for a moment, their labored breathing mixing with the background noise of the TV that they left on. There’s an intensity in Johnny’s eyes that forces Jaehyun to break eye contact. He begins to feel panic rising to his throat. He had obviously ruined the moment. “I just mean—”

Johnny leans down and kisses him again before he can stumble through an apology. He grabs Jaehyun’s hand, lacing their fingers together.

“So I should mark you in places where your clothes will hide it, right?” Johnny asks between kisses and Jaehyun feels himself blushing again.

“I-If you want to,” he stutters lamely. Johnny pulls back to look at him again, grabbing hold of Jaehyun’s chin.

“But, do _you_ want me to?” he asks, “Do _you_ want me to mark you with my mouth?”

At that question, Jaehyun realizes the shift in dominance between them. It feels very different from when he had taken charge and straddled Johnny on the couch. Now, he lays pliant and willing under him, ready to give Johnny everything.

Jaehyun finds himself nodding, taking the small initiative to close the gap between their lips once more.

“Please do.”

Johnny kisses him one last time while squeezing his hand, then nudges Jaehyun to lay down. He obliges and watches as Johnny leans down to press a kiss to his collarbone. Jaehyun reaches down to let his fingers once again settle in Johnny’s hair. His breathing hitches when Johnny moves his lips further down and lets out a soft gasp at the feeling of Johnny’s  tongue gliding along his chest.

“Johnny,” he exhales as Johnny takes his nipple into his mouth, letting his tongue swirl around the bud. Jaehyun chances a glance at Johnny to see that he’s staring right at him, savoring every reaction he can get out of him. He lets his eyes close as he tightens his grip in Johnny’s hair while he switches to the other nipple, giving it the same amount of attention.

“Feeling good?” Johnny asks against his skin, trailing his kisses further down before settling on spot at the base of his ribcage. His teeth graze lightly at the skin before he starts sucking a dark mark into it. Jaehyun can’t help but moan at the feeling, his hand falling to grip the soft bed sheets.  

Johnny leaves a second hickey on his right hip bone and Jaehyun’s hips twitch upward instinctively as Johnny lets his tongue travel toward his navel, licking along the small stripe of hair that leads down to his black underwear. He feels Johnny shift further down when his hand grips Jaehyun’s thigh and the other at his waistband. Jaehyun pulls at the bedsheets and notices Johnny looking at him again, a smirk on his face as his thumb presses into one of the forming hickeys.

“You look so good from this angle, baby,” he says and Jaehyun only groans in response. Johnny pushes Jaehyun’s underwear down slightly and takes his cock into his hand. He begins to stroke it slowly and Jaehyun lets out another moan as his nails dig into the bed. “All flushed and needy because of me.”

Jaehyun opens his eyes just in time to see Johnny moves back up to him, bringing their mouths together in a filthy kiss. It’s all tongue and teeth and Johnny’s hand is still around his dick, stroking at just the right angle. Jaehyun grabs at his shirt and tugs forcefully, remembering once again how overdressed Johnny still is.

“Can you take off your shirt?” he pants against his mouth when they part for a moment to breathe. Johnny nods and sits back up. Jaehyun’s brain is two steps behind his body when he’s reminded that it takes both of Johnny’s hands to take off his shirt. The disappointment at the loss of contact is only temporary though, because in the next moment Johnny is kissing him _again_ and Jaehyun gets to _touch_ every inch that his shirt was hiding.

After Jaehyun has taken the time to feel every toned muscle on both Johnny’s back and stomach, he lets his hand travel down to feel the outline of his cock that’s straining very obviously against his briefs. Johnny lets out a strangled groan and nips at Jaehyun’s lower lip before he kisses sloppily along his jaw and neck. Pleased with his reaction, Jaehyun rubs at the outline, thrilled when Johnny’s hips grind against his hand. Johnny gasps against his neck and the sound sends a wave of pleasure down Jaehyun’s spine.

“Johnny,” Jaehyun manages to say while Johnny sucks another hickey below his collarbone, “Can we—? I—I need—” He pulls Johnny into a kiss to give his brain a chance to form words. Johnny kisses back once, then pushes Jaehyun’s hand away so he can remove his, and then Jaehyun’s underwear.

Jaehyun pauses briefly to let his eyes travel across the whole of Johnny’s body, sitting up a little on his elbows. He finds himself licking his lips as Johnny closes the distance between them once more. This time, he shifts them so they’re both laying on their sides, facing each other. Jaehyun shivers when he feels Johny’s hand caress the outer part of his thigh before pulling it over his own so their cocks line up with each other.

They both moan at the contact and Jaehyun uses this new angle as an opportunity to mouth kisses along Johnny’s neck. He feels Johnny nose at his hair as they rut up against each other, his hand still attached to Jaehyun’s thigh. Jaehyun whines in a tone so high—so needy, that he would be embarrassed if his mind wasn’t so preoccupied with pleasure. Every part of him that was touching Johnny felt so _good._ His hands explored the vastness of Johnny’s shoulders and back as he shifts so he can kiss Johnny again.

Their kisses become more desperate as he feels Johnny’s hand wrapping around them both. Jaehyun mewls at the contact as Johnny begins to move his hand up and down their lengths. Jaehyun looks down and watches in fascination, their noses bumping against each other slightly in the process. He reaches down and places a hand over Johnny’s, urging him to go even faster.

“Jaehyun—” Johnny strains against Jaehyun's cheek as they both approach climax. Johnny’s the first to come—he moans Jaehyun’s name as he spills into their hands and stomachs before he bites down on his shoulder, knocking Jaehyun hand away in the process. The sensation of Johnny’s teeth and the sight of is face is enough to send Jaehyun over the edge and it’s only seconds later that he’s coming too. Johnny’s name leaves his lips repeatedly like a prayer as he strokes himself through it, stars bursting beneath his eyelids when he shuts them tightly.

After a moment, they separate just so they can each lay on their backs, their labored breathing filling up the space between them. Jaehyun finally opens his eyes and chances a look at Johnny, whose eyes are still closed, chest still moving quickly. He observes him quietly, admiring his swollen, pink lips and flushed cheeks. Jaehyun takes in the way his golden skin glistens at the layer of sweat that covers his body, all the way down to his come covered torso.  

Very carefully, Jaehyun reaches over to rub Johnny’s stomach with two fingers. Johnny’s eyes open at the sudden contact. He looks down at Jaehyun’s hand before he looks at his face, lips parting in preparation for a question.

Jaehyun meets his gaze before he can ask anything, though, and brings his fingers to his own mouth. He maintains eye contact as he laps up the mess on his fingers. He savors the bitterness and smiles a little coyly at Johnny, just enough for one dimple to show.

“Jaehyun,” Johnny begins, reaching over to place a hand gently against his cheek. Jaehyun leans into it, smiling a little wider.

“Yes?”

Too spent to do much else, Johnny pulls close again and they stay like that, kissing slowly and deeply until Jaehyun begins to feel sleep creeping up on them. He nuzzles at Johnny’s cheeks, letting his eyelashes flutter gently against his skin before he kisses the corner of his mouth and rests his head on his shoulder.

Johnny moves as carefully as he can, shifting on his back and placing an arm around Jaehyun.

Jaehyun is already more than halfway asleep and misses the way Johnny traces slowly patterns along his arm while he drifts further into the unconscious. And so they fall asleep like that, Johnny on his back and Jaehyun on his side, clinging to him like a koala. Jaehyun slips into scattered dreams of being a pirate who discovers a valuable golden statue and does everything he can to keep it in his possession.

His arm remains draped across Johnny’s chest all night. 

▷▷▷

_DECEMBER_

 

The transition from fall to winter sneaks up fast with the first heavy snow, and then suddenly November blows into to December and in comes gaudy and extravagant decorations that fill every corner of Jaehyun’s family home. The decorators even place a stone Christmas tree inside of Jeffrey VIII’s fish tank—hollow in the center so he can comfortably swim through it—as well as fun Santa and Christmas light stickers on the outside of the glass.

Typically, about now Jaehyun would have found time to admire his fish and see if he was enjoying the brand new furniture and decor. Currently, though, he was rolling around on his bed and sucking face with his best friend.

The majority of November was spent with lips smashing into each other and sneakily on other places, with wandering hands and various stages of undress. It was an exciting time for both of them and Jaehyun loved every moment of it. He had never imagined that Johnny would be so into this as much as he was. It was a fantasy come to life because he indulged every one of Jaehyun’s pleasures so well.

Johnny places his hands on Jaehyun’s shoulder, pushing lightly so he sits up. They pull apart with a sickening wet sound.

“Something wrong?” Jaehyun asks, looking down at Johnny as he wipes his mouth, smiling a little in amusement at the damage his hands did to Johnny’s hair.

“Yuta and Sicheng are gonna be here in like 20 minutes,” Johnny replies, his hands resting on Jaehyun’s hips as if to keep him from moving in spite what his words were implying. Jaehyun smiles at that, his own hands bracing on either side of Johnny’s head.

“Then we have at least 10 minutes before we should start setting up, right?”

Johnny seems to genuinely consider it for a moment, giving Jaehyun’s hips a squeeze while he leans in close enough that it would only take him inching closer _just a bit_  for their lips to connect.

“You should take a look at yourself in the mirror, Jae,” Johnny says instead while nudging Jaehyun to move off of him, a playful smile on his face. Jaehyun slides off of Johnny and the bed easily, laughing as he stands and smooths out his sweater.

“Speak for yourself,” he answers as he obeys and walks over to his full length mirror. His eyebrows raise a little in surprise at how wrecked he looked—so maybe Johnny had done a little more damage to his hair than what Jaehyun had done to his, but whatever! Not a contest.

His lips were a little pinker and puffier than usual from their activities, but he didn’t mind so much now. When he’s finished making sure he looks presentable for all ages, he glances over to see Johnny taking the time to feed Jeffery VIII. Jaehyun watches a little proudly as Johnny carefully sprinkles food for the fish. This one is a lot more amicable to Johnny. He eagerly swims upward to eat, and a feeling of pride finds itself growing inside Jaehyun’s stomach and blooms into his chest

Eventually Johnny must feel his stare because he slowly smiles before meeting Jaehyun’s gaze. Jaehyun looks away, ears starting to burn.

“I guess we should head down to the kitchen and start setting up,” he comments sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Yeah,” he hears Johnny reply before they both make their way to the kitchen. Having brought down the equipment earlier (meaning: before they decided to take a short break that didn’t really involve resting), all they really needed to do was set up. Jaehyun takes the initiative to set up the equipment, while Johnny begins to dress up the set with the right cookware and small appliances.

At some point, Johnny puts on one of his Christmas music playlists that’s less Christmas music and more so the cheesiest and most upbeat love songs he knows. The ringing of Jaehyun’s doorbell pulls him away from _Walking on Sunshine_.

“Your home is fucking huge,” is the first thing out of Yuta’s mouth when Jaehyun lets him and Sicheng in. Their eyes and mouths are wide in awe as they look around the foyer and the grand staircase. Not really used to this kind of reaction, Jaehyun doesn’t do much but shrug.

“Yeah, I guess it is,” he says with an awkward laugh, for some reason feeling a little embarrassed.

“You ‘guess’? I mean, I knew you and Johnny are both loaded but this…” Yuta trails off when he looks straight up and notices the chandelier. He quickly pulls him and Sicheng out of the way. Jaehyun must be giving him a weird look, because then Yuta’s eyes are sincerely open with worry, “Those things always fall in the movies and shows, Jae.”

Jaehyun’s lived here all his life, and the crystal chandelier probably outdated him at least 5 years, and not once has it even threatened to shake, but he feels too polite to mention it to Yuta.

“You have a very beautiful home,” Sicheng says this time, a polite smile on his face as he gives Yuta’s hand a particularly firm squeeze.

“Ah, thanks, though you should probably say that to my mother’s interior designer. This is all her,” Jaehyun replies, then quick to change the subject because he can already see on Yuta’s face, his brain working to respond to that information, “Let me show you guys to the kitchen!”

And so he does, letting the subject change completely when he asks them general questions about their flight and hotel accommodations.

“Oh my, god. Jaehyun, what the fuck?” Yuta’s half yells, immediately letting go of his boyfriend’s hand to walk around the kitchen, “This is like, the kitchen of my wet dreams, what the _fuck_ this is so nice.”

Johnny is messing with the camera when they enter and a takes a moment to just watch Yuta feel up all the appliances and cookware. Jaehyun and Sicheng join him at the camera.

“You’ll have to give him a moment,” Sicheng says as some sort of Yuta defense, “Nice kitchens get him really excited.” 

“Babe! _This_ is the kind of kitchen we need once we buy our own place!” Yuta says excitedly, eyes wide as he stands at the center of the kitchen, hands running along the white, marble countertops. Jaehyun vaguely wonders how Miss Kwon, his family chef, would feel seeing Yuta like this. She would either try to make him her protege or chase him out of the kitchen with her favorite wooden spoon. Her choice would probably be dependent on whether she saw Jaehyun first or not. Seeing him near the kitchen always put her in a wooden spoon hitting mood.

Yuta continues to babble about the kitchen and Johnny joins him to steer the conversation about setup for today’s video. Today they were filming for Yuta’s channel where he and Jaehyun bake classic Christmas sugar cookies.

“Hey, Jae. Where does Chef Kwon keep the clear glass bowls again? Yuta says those will be better to shoot with.”

“Ah. I’ll get them. She doesn’t like them, so she keeps them stored in the back of the cabinets under the island,” Jaehyun says with a sigh, moving in that direction. They move out of his way as he kneels to open the cabinet doors. Sure enough, the stack of clear bowls sit in the back of the cabinets. He has to shift onto his hands in order to reach them.

When he leans in to grab them, his shirt rides up a little. He doesn’t think anything of it, until Yuta says—

“That looks like a pretty nasty bruise, Jae.”

Jaehyun opens his mouth to respond that he doesn’t recall having any bruises, until he realizes what he must be seeing right now. His ears turn pink at the memory of _how_ he got the markings on the back of his hip—they had just gotten back from the grocery store after gathering ingredients for the their baking plans, and quickly ended up in Jaehyun’s bedroom with Johnny showing Jaehyun just how talented his tongue could be. Jaehyun coughs a little as he sits up, setting the bowls to the side so he can quickly pull his shirt back down.

“Uh, yeah. I um, can bruise pretty easily,” is all he says as he stands with the bowls in hand, placing them on the counter. He quickly moves back to the camera equipment, pointedly avoiding eye contact with Yuta and especially Johnny, knowing he’d have a stupid smirk on his face. Thankfully, Sicheng is too busy playing a game on his phone to have heard anything, and barely spares a glance at Jaehyun when he approaches. 

Jaehyun fumbles around with the equipment while Johnny and Yuta talk among themselves again. Soon after, they all regroup and stand in the kitchen, going over the semantics of today’s filming. Yuta and Jaehyun would be filming their segment today (they decided on them as a pairing because Yuta was obviously the best baker and Jaehyun, based on past experiences, was the worst). Then, tomorrow Johnny and Sicheng would be forced to follow one of Yuta’s lovely recipes on making Japanese dessert he insisted on keeping a surprise. They were expecting fun times all around, as well as a few mishaps here and there.

Making cookie dough, however, proved to be a lot less sexual than Jaehyun had initially anticipated. In his head, he had imagined licking up the batter from the mixer whisks in a very sensual way while making eye contact with Johnny—just for funsies of course! To his displeasure, cookie dough is a lot thicker than batter and instead of trying to look sexy he just found himself accidentally knocking the stirring spoon against his teeth pretty hard, causing him to receive pretty weird from looks all around.

“And then, by drawing and cutting out shapes into the wax paper, we can create our own stencils instead of using premade ones from the store! These will be much more personal!” Yuta says happily to the camera, showing his stencil drawing of some shape Jaehyun couldn’t guess even if he tried. Then again, Jaehyun couldn’t say much because he tried to make stencil of a chimney, you know, to keep the Christmas spirit alive, only it looked a lot less like a chimney and more like a—

“Jaehyun, are you trying to make dick cookies?” Johnny asks from behind the camera.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Jaehyun counters back easily before he can stop himself. Once his brain catches up with his mouth, he stills for a moment, ears reddening. He stares at the camera in a bit of an aftershock, then at Johnny, mouth ready for an apology. While they were all for skinship and flirting in front of the camera, they had never blatantly made a joke or reference to their sexuality. It’s an easy enough fix—something they can easily edit out—but Jaehyun still feels bad, especially what with the way Yuta is giving him looks. Before he can apologize, though, Johnny barks out a laugh, eyes shining brightly for Jaehyun. Truthfully, it makes his heart skip a beat.

“I’d eat anything made by you, Jaeby,” Johnny replies easily. Jaehyun tries not to appear too flustered at that, and he and Yuta continue to make their individualized stencils. He misses the knowing smile that takes over Yuta’s face.

Even though Jaehyun has the baking skills of a toddler, he and Yuta make a decent enough team. At the very least, Jaehyun is excellent at taking direction and setting the correct timers and oven presets. His cookie shapes end up looking a bit sad, but it’s nothing that a good amount of icing decoration can’t fix, according to Yuta.

Yuta’s faith, however, quickly diminishes after Jaehyun makes the mistake of putting flour instead of powdered sugar for the royal icing because hey, they have similar textures! They have to remake the whole batch, which was fine, until Jaehyun put too much and too wrong of color food dye when trying to make green icing. Third time, at the sole hands of Yuta, was the charm.

They end up taking a small break while the cookies cool off before they can ice them. Yuta uses this time to make the correct version of what Johnny and Sicheng are supposed to create tomorrow, Sicheng chatting happily with him while perched on one of the countertops. Jaehyun and Johnny, meanwhile, sit at the bar, thighs pressed against each other’s due to their close proximity.

Jaehyun is looking through their channel’s social media feeds when he feels Johnny’s hand rest against his thigh.

“Your parents are in Europe through Christmas, right?” Johnny asks him.

Jaehyun nods, glancing at his hand before making eye contact with Johnny.

“Yeah, then afterwards, they’re flying straight to Korea to visit family through the New Year.”

“And you’re meeting up with them in Korea?” Another nod.

“Yeah, I’m flying out the day after Christmas. In the meantime, it’s just me.”

“What about Jaemin?” Johnny asks, giving Jaehyun’s thigh a squeeze before resting both hands on the counter.

“Jeno invited him to go with the Kims to Argentina for Christmas. Apparently their dad just bought a winery out there,” he replies with a sigh, slightly envious that Jaemin was close enough with one of the brothers to receive the invite. Granted, he knew the Kim parents extended the invite to Jaehyun out of politeness, but he wasn’t lame enough to be the third wheel to Jaemin and Jeno, nor could he stand the idea of having to be buddy buddy with the two eldest sons.

“So, you’ll be alone for Christmas?”

Jaehyun expects pity to be etched on Johnny’s face when he asks that question, but instead he seems to look...nervous?

“Yeah,” Jaehyun replies quietly, for some reason, wanting to keep his voice soft, “You’re going with your parents to Chicago, right?” Johnny’s maternal grandparents resided in Chicago so typically they spent their Christmas’s there. To his surprise, Johnny shakes his head.

“Not this year. I’m doing some freelance work for the city on Christmas eve. I agreed to photograph the outdoor ballet event they have going on at the holiday festival that night.”

Jaehyun tries not to let his face sour at that. Wendy had forced him to go to the festival last year. Jaehyun was so cold and miserable the entire time, he couldn’t even get hard for a quick handjob on the ferris wheel.

“Oh,” is all Jaehyun can think to say, “I’m sorry. I’m sure that must suck having to work when you’d probably rather be with your family.”

“I don’t take jobs I don’t want to do,” Johnny answers with a shake of his head, “So don’t worry about that.” He pauses for a moment, as if trying to decide on what to say next. Jaehyun finds himself chewing on his lip, feeling very receptive to the nervous energy Johnny seemed to be emitting.

“But—” Johnny finally says, “Since we’re both going to be here, do you maybe want to spend Christmas together?”

Jaehyun feels his body sigh in relief as a smile bloom on his face. Knowing that that was all he wanted to ask makes him feel a lot better.

“Oh, I'd love that,” Jaehyun replies easily, knocking his shoulder against Johnny’s, “Your place or mine?”

Johnny smiles at his hands, “I was thinking mine.”

“If you lovebirds are done flirting, the cookies are cooled enough to ice!” Yuta says from across the kitchen, popping the bubble Jaehyun had imagined he and Johnny in.

He sits up straight, unaware that he had let his chin rest in his hand as he talked with Johnny for the last part of their conversation.

“Not lovebirds,” he says matter of factly, standing, then turns to Johnny, “Sounds good to me, Johnny. I’m assuming I’ll be going with you to the festival then, since your home is near the location?”

Johnny’s quiet for a moment before nodding.

“Yeah. We don’t have to stay longer than the entirety of the ballet, though. But of course you’re welcome to just chill at my place until I finish my job.”

“I don’t mind tagging along,” Jaehyun says with a reassuring smile before moving back in front of the camera while Johnny moves behind it with Sicheng.

When he approaches Yuta, he’s met with a startling smile. For some reason it makes his ears heat up.

“What?” he mumbles, grabbing the cooky tray and setting it on the island.

“I’ve noticed the way you two look at each other,” Yuta replies just as quietly while he prepares the icing bags. Jaehyun pauses to look at him.

“What do you mean?”

Yuta’s only reply is the smile that sits on his face and Jaehyun decides not to pry a more specific answer out of him.  

Jaehyun icing his cookies go just about as good as anyone would expect, but thanks to Yuta’s baking skills, they still taste good, and Johnny is totally happy to eat Jaehyun’s chimney dick cookies, while Sicheng marvels at Yuta’s computer shaped ones. It’s a weird combination, but very fitting for them all. The viewers go crazy when they upload some behind the scene pictures to instagram, and Jaehyun feels very content with the current state of his life.

▷▷▷

_CHRISTMAS EVE_

 

Of course, Jaehyun has no qualms about tagging along with Johnny and his job at the festival. He doesn’t mind playing assistant and keeping track of Johnny’s camera equipment. Truth be told, he spends more time watching Johnny take the photos than the ballerinas performing on stage—but in his defense, it was always fascinating to see Johnny so focused on his work. There was a determined shine to his eyes that could only be seen when he had a camera in his hand.

With the hand-warmers tucked in Jaehyun’s pocket, and attention solely on Johnny, he barely spares a thought about how cold the weather is that night.

When the ballet ends, he even agrees to walking the carnival portion of the festival with Johnny. They spend their money carelessly on games they never win the prizes for and warm, fried carnival food, documenting their time together with pictures and videos that they upload to Instagram to the delight of their followers.

After a few hours of that, they finally make their way to the exit. Johnny’s home is close enough to the festival that they find themselves walking to it shoulder to shoulder on the fairly empty streets. He lived at one of the properties his parents owned in one of the renovated downtown neighborhoods.The first floor hosted a strip of small businesses, while Johnny’s swanky loft sat comfortably on the second floor. Jaehyun had only been there a handful of times because one—he had only moved into it within the last year, and two—it was a little out of the way from where their parents and other friends typically lived.

On the walk to Johnny’s they talk about their plans to meet up in Seoul for Ten’s New Years party. Though he still hadn’t quite warmed up to Ten, Jaehyun was looking forward to the party and seeing some of his other friends. When that conversation dies, they don’t mind letting the comfortable background ambiance wash over them during lulls in the conversation, fingers brushes mindlessly against each other’s. Pretty soon they find themselves going inside Johnny’s building. The transition from outside air to the inside is a relief on Jaehyun’s bones and a smile from Johnny melts his frozen veins as he follows him upstairs.

Every visit to Johnny’s loft always excited Jaehyun because the space was so unapologetically and authentically _him_. It was an interesting combination of sleek and modern with vintage and traditional. The last time he had been here was before Halloween, so when Jaehyun steps through the threshold, a bout of nerves seem to wash over him like high tide waters.

And then they ease back when Johnny flips a few light switches and Jaehyun takes in the warm setting of his living room. It’s a little sloppy, but colorful Christmas lights snake around the walls of the open space—running along the windowed walls made of exposed brick, to the refinished, gray painted drywall that led to the kitchen.

“You bought a real tree?” Jaehyun asks after he slides off his shoes and jacket, approaching a sadly shaped tree, barely taller than him, in the corner of the room closest to the kitchen. It sat crookedly in the tree stand, decorated with only a single bright green ornament near the top. Underneath the tree sat only a single small, plainly wrapped box and sight of it all together made Jaehyun smile.

“Yeah. I felt bad because it was one of the few trees left when I went last week and clearly no one was going to buy it,” Johnny says, following Jaehyun’s actions and approaching the tree, "I was going to decorate it more too but apparently it was a bad idea for me to buy glass ornaments because when I dropped the box they all shattered immediately.”  

The image of Johnny trying to decorate his home makes Jaehyun’s heart swell.

“You did all of this last minute?” Jaehyun asks. Johnny nods, a shy smile on his face as he rubs the back of his neck.

“Yeah, I mean, if we’re spending the holiday together, might as well get in the Christmas spirit,” he replies and kneels to pick up the gift box under the tree, “Including presents.”

Jaehyun’s eyes widen a little.

“Oh Johnny, you should have mentioned that earlier. I—I didn’t get you anything,” Jaehyun begins while Johnny stands and grabs his hand to tug him toward the couch.

“You being here is a gift enough,” Johnny insists as they sit down. Jaehyun smiles at the reply, ignoring the way his ears burn, and takes the bow Johnny had stuck to the box, and places onto the top of his head.

“Now I even fit the look,” Jaehyun says in spite of the heat building on his cheeks. It results in a wholesome laugh from Johnny and they both find themselves just grinning at each other. Johnny breaks their stare by tapping the box.

“Go on, open it.”

Fortunately, there’s no actual wrapping paper or tape involved, just a fancy patterned box, whose lid tugs off with ease. Inside the box is a solid, dark brown, leather book. When Jaehyun pulls it out he studies it curiously and then belatedly realizes that it’s actually a photo book.

When he opens it to the first page, it features a picture that was most recently taken of them when Yuta and Sicheng were in town. They had all gone out to eat and Johnny had let them take pictures using his film camera while they were walking downtown. Jaehyun’s not sure when they had taken the picture, but he knows it was one of them because it shows Jaehyun and Johnny walking a little ways ahead of them. Johnny has an arm wrapped around Jaehyun’s shoulder, and a side profile of Jaehyun’s face reveals a giant, dimpled smile taking over his face.

Jaehyun feels his heart beat speed up a little. He can’t help but wonder how many times his face revealed just how fond he was of Johnny. The photos, Jaehyun can easily tell, were all carefully developed at the hands of Johnny. The one on the current opened page is taped to the paper with a ‘December, 2018’ scrawled under it in Johnny’s loopy handwriting with a permanent marker.

“Johnny, this is…” he begins, only to have the words die in his throat as he begins to carefully sift through the pages. Each page contains various photos in different sizes, appearing in a reverse chronological order. Memories from halloween, mini vacations, summer parties, random snapshots from various projects they worked on for their channel fill the contents of the book. Some pictures were just of Jaehyun, other’s of them both or with other friends, and even a few that Jaehyun vaguely remembers taking of Johnny.

“It’s a photo album of us, using all the pictures that were taken using my film cameras.” Johnny says eventually, voice soft. “I never throw away my film, so it was really fun sorting through my binders to find my favorite pictures—” He points out one of them from one of the parties where Jaehyun is flushed pink on alcohol and eyes shaped into crescents as he grins blindly at the camera. “That’s one of my favorites.”

Jaehyun finds himself smiling when he reaches pages that predate J's Gap. From his high school graduation—Johnny had surprised him when he showed up—to Johnny’s a couple years prior and a few instances in between. The pages from that time period are a lot less, but Jaehyun tries to not dwell on that for too long, because after Johnny's graduation, the photos from when they were both in high school begin to appear and Jaehyun gets butterflies in his stomach. He pauses on one page in particular, from around Christmas of Jaehyun’s sophomore year, and Johnny’s Senior year.

It was at a Christmas party their closest friends had all gathered at. That year they organized a secret Santa gift exchange and Jaehyun had drawn Johnny's name. He can still recall the nerves that shook his bones the majority of December while he tried to think of the perfect gift for him. Jaehyun’s parents spent a huge part of that year in Korea due to his paternal grandfather’s declining health. Because of this, he and Jaemin spent a lot of time, particularly that summer, at the Seo family home since they were their closest neighbors.

Johnny being two grades above, created a distance in their friendship at certain times, but once they were both in high school, that gap became smaller once again. Through the course of that year specifically, they had gotten pretty close once again. He found himself itching to spend more time with Johnny, seeking praise and approval from his older friend. By November, he allowed himself to entertain the idea of having a crush on a guy, a friend no less—a crush that only intensified when he got assigned to be his secret Santa.

In the end, he decided on small, golden chain bracelet, with a custom gold plate that had 'Johnny' engraved on the underside. It was simple enough to not distract from other accessories or be out of place with various outfit choices, so he could wear it all the time. Jaehyun remembers being so excited to give it to him, and that’s what the picture from that night exposes. It’s a picture of Jaehyun standing in front of Johnny when he reveals to be his secret Santa. His back is to the camera, but he can see the box in hand, extended out to Johnny, who has a giant smile on his face as he’s reaching out to take the box. It was a small velvet box that contained the bracelet and a small note with a confession written in a sloppy cursive ‘I like you, Merry Christmas Johnny’.

Below the picture, much like the other pages, has the month and year scribbled. Below that, however, features the very same gold bracelet taped gingerly to the bottom of the page.

Jaehyun feels his heart drop into his stomach because it painfully reminds him of the events that followed that picture. Johnny had left immediately after receiving the gift, not even taking the time to open it, claiming he and Hansol had to go meet up with their other friends for something else. He remembers the hand that ruffled in his hair in thanks on the way out—being the only thanks he gets for the gift. And then it ended up being the last time he got to see Johnny the remainder of winter break because Jaehyun went with his family to Korea to spend one last Christmas with his grandfather.

Johnny never mentioned the gift, either. No text, or conversation ever brings it up and Jaehyun just takes it for what it felt like. Now, the bracelet currently stares Jaehyun in the face, a shiny symbol of rejection. It hadn’t remained lost or unopened, Johnny had seen it and chose not to ignore in favor of explicitly breaking his heart.

Jaehyun swallows and decides to shut the book for now, the smile on his face is a little forced, so he can’t bring himself to look at Johnny.

“I love it, Johnny. Thank you,”  he mumbles quietly, “You really shouldn’t have.”

“I see you noticed the bracelet—” Johnny begins, but Jaehyun decides to cut him off, not wanting to discuss his past-self’s embarrassing crush he had on Johnny. He sets the book on the coffee table and then presses close to Johnny. His kiss is a little dirty from the start while he crawls into Johnny’s lap.

“Let me show you how thankful I am,” he says against his lips, reaching down to unbutton Johnny’s jeans, “How grateful I am to have you as a _friend_.”

A hand grips Jaehyun’s wrist firmly to still his movements.

“A ‘friend’, Jaehyun?” Johnny seems to say carefully, staring at Jaehyun as though he were trying figure out any hidden meaning behind his words. Jaehyun just stares back, unblinking, to let Johnny know that he understands and he knows the unspoken boundaries of their not-relationship, relationship. Besides, Jaehyun is not one to sulk in the past—his crush on Johnny was fleeting and there’s no reason that he would still harbor those feelings.

“What else would we be?” He leans in, pressing a kiss to Johnny’s jaw.

There’s a pregnant pause, and then Johnny answers with his mouth, without using any words. He kisses Jaehyun with a sense of urgency and Jaehyun kisses back with equal force. It’s a little rough, and it’s not long before they’re both naked and Jaehyun’s pressed into the couch. There’s a new tension in the air as they get lost in each other and hours later after they eventually get to bed, when Johnny’s fast asleep and Jaehyun is laying a careful distance away from him, he can’t but wonder if the wrong words were spoken.

A small block sits uncomfortably in his chest and he isn’t exactly sure how to get rid of it.

When he wakes up the next morning, Jaehyun is alone in Johnny’s apartment with a note saying he’ll be back later, laying gently in the indent of his pillow. So Jaehyun spends the better part of the morning curled up on Johnny’s couch, watching holiday specials. By 2pm, Jaehyun grows incredibly restless. When he texts Johnny to ask where he is, he doesn’t get a reply until another 30 minutes have gone by.

_Something came up. I had to help Hansol with something, and I don’t think I’ll make it out of New York until late tonight. Sorry Jaehyun._

Jaehyun tells him not to worry and to just meet him at Jaehyun’s house whenever he gets back because of course he hasn’t packed for his flight tomorrow.

However, he doesn’t get another message from Johnny that night, and spends Christmas night alone in his room with Jeffrey VIII.

 ▷▷▷

The day after Christmas, Jaehyun sends one unanswered text to Johnny. It’s one letting him know he was about to get on his flight, and then another text the next day, at least in Korea, saying he had arrived safely. The third day after, he gets busy with his family and forgets to send another text until that night, asking if Johnny was in Korea yet and if not when he was planning to get in. He also asks him if he would like film something for their channel before the party. They were on a two-week hiatus for the holidays, but he still wanted have something for their subscribers once they’re back to posting content again.

All messages go unanswered, and by the end of the 29th, Jaehyun stops sending messages. The only thing that eases his anxiety is the social media activity he sees by Johnny through him favoriting posts and tweets, and occasionally commenting on other YouTuber’s content.

He knows Johnny is in Seoul on the 30th, because while out to dinner with his family, Jaemin shows him a picture Doyoung had posted of Ten, Jungwoo, and Johnny having a movie night at Ten’s apartment. Jaemin asks him why he didn’t ditch dinner to hang out with him, and Jaehyun pretends he's listening to his aunt’s current anecdote so he doesn’t have to explain that he wasn’t invited.

That night while in his bed, Jaehyun has his nightstand lamp on as he sits in bed and sifts through the photo book because _yes,_  he did bring it to Korea. Regardless of the block wedged in his chest, it still gave him some comfort browsing through the photos.

This time he starts looking through it backwards. The first pictures on the last page are obviously taken with their parent’s disposable cameras, because Johnny’s a four year old proudly attempting a smile at the camera, with a three year old Jaehyun mimicking his posture. They’re holding ice cream cones in their hands, and the picture below captures seconds later, featuring a very terrified Johnny and clearly crying Jaehyun when the ice cream cone got knocked out of his hand by a seagull.

Jaehyun’s cheek burn at the thought of Johnny having access to such pictures. The next few pages are much the same, capturing moments of their childhood together, something that was naturally expected from neighboring families that consisted of mothers that were best friends and fathers who went to school together.  

There’s one in particular of Johnny being in 8th grade and Jaehyun in 7th, after Johnny had played in a volleyball tournament. Johnny at that point, had already suffered through bouts of growth spurts while Jaehyun's baby fat and height was still that of a child. The size difference makes it look like they have an age gap larger than just a year. Jaehyun can’t help but smile at it because his former self is clearly trying to stand up as straight as possible, slightly on the tip of his toes.

A few pages later is a picture similar to that one, except Jaehyun’s sophomore in a JV basketball uniform and Johnny’s in a varsity volleyball one. Johnny’s still taller, but the gap is smaller. Jaehyun's baby fat is mostly gone, save for around his face. Jaehyun's face breaks into another grin and he can’t help but run his fingers run over the photos while his mind conjures the memories they bring up.

Before long, he can tell by the indention, that the next page is going to be the one from the secret Santa. The page he’s currently on is a picture that he’s sure Johnny had taken intending for the yearbook, except Jaehyun had most likely ruined it by staring at the camera. It’s a photo of Jaehyun sitting at one of the lunch tables, surround by the friends he shared that lunch period with—Lucas, Doyoung, Kun, Mark.

Everyone else was captured in a moment of disarray and laughter, while Jaehyun only shared a small, intimate smile with the camera.

Jaehyun doesn’t recall the moment in the slightest, but his ears prickle in wonder of how long Johnny had this photo and if he could see the look in Jaehyun’s eyes too.

He’s tempted to close the album right then, but there’s a small urge pushing him to turn the page once more. The bracelet sits dully in against the page, being just out of the lamplight shine, but it’s still the first thing that catches his eye on the page. He runs a careful fingertip over the golden plate and pinches it between his fingers, carefully pulling it until the tape gives way and comes up unstuck against the paper.

The delicate chain curls in a cool clump against his palm, the plate tilted up on its side. A weird feeling  jumps across his skin while Jaehyun begins to think about what Johnny thought when he first unwrapped the bracelet.

Jaehyun lets out a heavy sigh and sets the photo album down as he lays down with the bracelet still in hand. He lays on his side to get comfortable, the golden plate carefully held between his fingers. Once he’s settled in he brings it to eye level, the pads of his fingers running along the underside, feeling along where Johnny’s name is delicately engraved. He stares at the letters, thinking back to when he was at the jewelry store, his name being mumbled off his lips with his cheeks and ears stained pink with adolescent embarrassment.

Jaehyun is quickly brought out of his thoughts when he reads over the lettering a couple times, realizing the bracelet doesn’t say “Johnny”.

Engraved into the center of the small plaque is “Jaehyun” with a delicate outline of a heart next to it. It was an exact replica to the one he bought Johnny except—it wasn’t Johnny’s bracelet. This wasn’t the bracelet that Jaehyun had gifted to him, but perhaps it was a bracelet Johnny had intended to give Jaehyun.

Jaehyun’s instantly sitting up again, scrambling to grab his phone. He sends a text message to Johnny and patiently waits a minute, before sending him another message.

_Johnny_

_Can we talk? Please_

After he allows ten minutes to pass by, he stands and starts to pace the room, bracelet in one hand phone to his ear with the other.

The phone rings for what feels like ages before it suddenly stops. Jaehyun is expecting the automatic voice mailbox to start speaking, but then—

“Yes?”

Jaehyun lets out a noise in surprise at the sound of Johnny’s voice, not realizing until that moment how much he yearned to hear it after going so many days without.

“I don’t know if you have gotten a chance to see my texts—”

“I have.”

Jaehyun swallows, moving to the window, staring at the tree that ultimately shields the view of anything else outside.

“Um. S-so you know that I want to talk to you about something,” he begins, pausing in anticipation for Johnny interrupting him again, but he’s only met with silence, “It’s about the bracelet—”

“I don’t want to talk about that over the phone, Jaehyun,” Johnny says, this time quick to interrupt, “I’ll see you at Ten’s party, alright? We’ll talk then.”

And then the line goes dead before Jaehyun can say anything else. The bracelet in hand suddenly feels very heavy so he sets it down on his night stand, trying to ignore the block stuck in his chest growing larger with each sinking thought.

He’s awake late into the night and early morning, but eventually the weight of exhaustion presses on Jaehyun right before the sun starts peeking through the sky. And before his dreams carry him into the late morning—he thinks, as sleep is just about to overtake him, that maybe his feelings for Johnny never left.

▷▷▷ 

It’s reaching 11pm and Johnny is officially a no show to Ten’s party. It hurts a lot more than it probably should, but Jaehyun stupidly finds a short lived comfort in knowing that no one else seemed to know where he was either—until they would turn to Jaehyun for answers, which of course, he has no response to. He accidentally catches a scathing gaze from Ten a few times, but he’s too scared to acknowledge him and ends up turning away.

At some point he finds himself sitting on the couch, watching two people he didn’t recognize singing very bad karaoke. They’re very tone deaf, but Jaehyun cheers them on anyway. And that’s when he feels a sharp hand around his wrist, and it takes a few blinks for him to realize that it’s Ten’s hand.

So maybe Jaehyun’s also a little drunk off a few shots he took with Yuta and Sicheng to ease the anxiety of being at large party without an anchor.

“You okay?” Ten asks him, holding out a drink for him, and Jaehyun eyes it a little fearfully, not quite confident he wasn’t trying to poison him.

“I made a mistake,” he says a little too truthfully in lieu of taking the drink, “Johnny isn’t here.” Ten just stares at him coldly for a moment, before it melts into something a little more reserved.

“He will be. I’m sure of it. Now, I definitely don’t need to hear the specifics of your mistake, but I’ve talked to Johnny so I have an inkling to what it is. And let me tell you this, Jaehyun—”

There’s a pause, and it causes Jaehyun to look at Ten again. He seems to be waiting for some acknowledgement from him, so Jaehyun nods.

“Johnny knows it was a mistake too, okay? So whatever you have to tell him, be careful. He’s been too mopey and I don’t want him to be like that now that he’s going to be—” There’s another pause, then a shake of his head. “Here. This cup is just water. You should sober up before he gets here.”

Ten places the cup in his hand before he moves off the couch to go speak to another one of his guests. Jaehyun watches him go, annoyance prickling his insides. Of _course_ Johnny told Ten about them. He sets the cup down and stands to find another drink in the kitchen. With another bout of liquor in his system, he finds spare courage to start a conversation with someone he vaguely recognizes and tries to let himself get lost in the act of trying to have fun.    

The clock, Jaehyun thinks, reads 11:41pm, but he’s not quite sure because the room, walls and decor included, won’t stay in place even though his feet are firmly planted to the ground. Granted, he’s leaning against the wall for most of the support, but it still counts!

He’s talking to someone who keeps referring to herself as Sailor Venus. Though he isn’t sure why, he goes along with since she swears they’ve met before. She keeps pushing herself up next to him so they can take selfies using weird filters and he complies, until he notices a certain person walking up to Ten from across the room.

He watches Johnny mumbling something in Ten’s ear and the image of that sends a shockwave of jealousy down his spine, then back up through his throat when suddenly Ten points his way and they’re both staring at Jaehyun.

He more or less abandons Sailor Venus in favor of walking toward them, becoming acutely aware of how heavy his body feels. Jaehyun can’t help but laugh when he nearly falls to the ground after tripping over someone he doesn’t know—and this must cause alarm for Johnny because in the next moment, a strong hand is helping him stand straight.

“You alright?” Johnny asks him, holding him steady with both hands. When Jaehyun looks up at him he’s immediately wants nothing more than to kiss him stupid, and perhaps he manages to stutter something to that effect out loud because he watches Johnny blush like he’s the one drunk and begin to pull him away from the crowd of people.

Jaehyun lets himself be dragged away until suddenly they’re inside a bedroom. When Johnny shuts the door, the sounds of the party become muted and Johnny becomes the sole focus of Jaehyun’s attention. In a bout of desire, he crowds close to Johnny and pulls him into a sloppy kiss.

Johnny kisses back for a moment, before placing a careful hand on Jaehyun chest to put a bit of distance between them.

“Jaehyun, you’re drunk.”

“And I’d want you just as much if I was sober,” Jaehyun counters back, feeling a little proud of himself when he kisses Johnny again and instead of being pushed away he gets pushed back onto the bed. Though plenty flushed from the alcohol, he welcomes the warmth of Johnny’s body over his as they begin to make out on what he vaguely thinks is Ten’s bed.

Johnny starts to kiss at his jaw and Jaehyun’s ready for it, letting his head fall back against the pillow given an unspoken permission for Johnny to devour him however he’d like.

“Thought you wanted to talk?” Johnny mumbles against his neck, staring up at Jaehyun through his lashes.

Jaehyun cards a hand through Johnny’s hair, letting his eyes flutter closed when he feels his tongue slide along a pulse point.

“Why should we talk when this is so much better?” he replies—and then the spell is broken. His neck and the air around him feel cold and when he opens his eyes, Johnny is sitting up on the bed, staring at him with sad, ocean eyes that seem be trying to convey a deeper meaning Jaehyun isn’t sober enough to comprehend. He stares at the bed when Johnny speaks.

“Actually, we probably should talk,” Johnny begins, “Though to be honest, maybe you should sober up first.”

Jaehyun shakes his head quickly, looking at him again.

“No, let’s talk now,” he responds. _Let’s talk now so we can get back to kissing,_ “The bracelet—”

Johnny grabs his hand suddenly Jaehyun pauses mid sentence, almost forgetting what he was going to say. However, before he can pick up where he left off, Johnny starts speaking to fill the silence.

“It was a bad gift, I know. This whole...thing that we’re doing was a bad idea, if I have to be honest,” Johnny says, and Jaehyun remains silent for a new reason, “I shouldn’t have let you kiss me on Halloween, and I shouldn’t have kissed back for that matter either. Hooking up with a person who isn’t ever going to be anything more than a friend is pretty stupid, but I think it’s something we’re both to be blamed for.”

A wave of nausea hits Jaehyun like a train because this is _not_ supposed to be happening. He needs to say something, _anything,_ to tell Johnny that he’s wrong and that they’ve been doing everything _right_ —but he can’t seem to open his mouth. So Johnny continues.

“I don’t know if this is something we can just go back from, though. You mean a lot to me Jaehyun, but we can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep doing this, nor can I go back to how things were before Halloween. So, because of that, I’ve made the decision to stay in Seoul indefinitely.”

“What about J’s Gap?” is all Jaehyun can manage to say, even though there’s so much else stuck in his throat that he needs to force out.

“If that’s all you have to say about this,” Johnny answers with a scoff, sliding off the bed almost immediately, “Then I know I’m making the right choice. We can work that out later. I’m gonna go now, Jaehyun.”  

“Wait—!” Jaehyun says, scrambling to stand as well, only it causes another wave of nausea to hit, and then in the next moment he finds himself hovering over a tiny trash can in the corner of the room. Any and everything consumed in the last 4 hours begin to leave his body and he barely registers the door opening or closing. All he is able to note is that when hands quickly grab him and the trash can to guide him to the bathroom, they don’t belong to Johnny.

And as time pushes the world into a new year Jaehyun finds himself sick and crying in front of Ten, his toilet, and a black-haired stranger, the block in his chest developing roots and staking its claim on Jaehyun’s heart.

When Johnny texts him the next morning:

_Do you remember what we talked about last night?_

Jaehyun hopes his silence is enough of an answer.

▷▷▷

_JANUARY_

 

 **Johnny** _@thesecondJ_ 30m

I have a surprise for you, johfams :-) Big changes ahead.

 **Johnny** _@thejohnsuh75_ 2m

Come over and subscribe to my new YouTube channel where you can follow me and my move to Seoul! Link in bio :-)

 **Johnny** _@thejohnsuh75_ 1m

Don’t worry, johfam. Change can and will be a good thing if you let it!  #doyoulikemynewusername #plssayyes #youjohfamhavealltakenthegoodjohnnyusersnames

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe? also THANK YOU so much for your lovely comments so far!! I always intend to reply to them, but I am very scatterbrained and forget to, but they all mean a lot to me, so thank you once again!!!


	4. not your party favor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again, thank u 2 sarah for jst being there, and also thank u to everyone that's left lovely comments!!! they all really do mean a lot even if i get lazy and/or forget to reply after a while :3c
> 
> and lastly!! thank u for ur patience!!! we are almost to the end <3 while i rlly can't guarantee when the last chapter will be posted, it shouldn't take too, too long this time around since it's already about halfway done :p but for now!! i hope u enjoy this update :o)
> 
> p.s. mind the months posted, this chapter has a flashyback <3
> 
> p.p.s. this is mostly unbeta'd so apologies for any mistakes that i've missed!

_JANUARY._

“Okay, one, two, three!”

“YEAAAAH!” Lucas shouts at the camera, leading a chorus of yells from their other friends while Jaehyun clicks a substantial number of group selfies. Jaehyun stays quiet while he looks through the pictures afterward, Lucas hanging off his shoulder and pointing out his favorites. With his help, Jaehyun selects a fair few that he sends to the group chat and then follows his friends as they migrate out of the restaurant and prepare to say their goodbyes.

He and Lucas had met up with some friends in their graduating class for dinner. Jaehyun had actually been dreading this night because it meant the majority of them were heading back to school for the spring semester, which meant Jaehyun’s busy January was about to come to a halt, much like the snowfall that had emptied the clouds and blanketed his city.  

They make their goodbyes quick and leave generic promises of hanging out again next time everyone’s in town before running to the warmth of their respective cars. Jaehyun follows Lucas to his, grateful the car was already started and heater blasting when they climb inside. He peels off his gloves and lets his bare hands press near the air vents.

“Man, it was so good seeing everybody. Sucks we don’t have enough time to have another party before everyone leaves, though,” Lucas says as he begins the drive to their neighborhood.

Jaehyun nods as he fumbles to turn on the satellite radio, hoping the music would hinder the need for conversation.

Though of course, with Lucas, it was a bit of a useless attempt. Lucas was more than happy to fill the car with his own voice and in the end, Jaehyun was content to keep him going with occasional single or few worded replies. When they finally reach Jaehyun’s house, he agrees to have breakfast with Lucas before his drive back to New York state.

As Jaehyun enters his empty house, he feels every inch of exhaustion that cloaks his body. He can only sigh as he walks upstairs to his bedroom because he still has a long night of film editing ahead of him in order to meet his weekly posting deadline.

Getting into a routine of filming and editing sans Johnny was rather difficult. Even before Johnny had become a part of Jaehyun’s channel, he was always someone that Jaehyun preferred to hang out with. Thankfully, since most of his friends had been in town for winter break, he at least had things to do and people to see, but he felt so _awkward_ filming when Johnny wasn’t around. It was a new kind of feeling too, since Jaehyun has never been one to shy away from the camera before now.

And then, editing seemed so much more taxing without Johnny’s help. Though it had become an easier process through learning and developing his skills with Johnny, it just felt _harder_ when he had to do it alone. As a result, he started to do Instagram live-streams while he edited his content from time to time. Tonight was not one of those nights, though, as he felt way too tired to do any talking for the next hour or so.

Jaehyun turns on his computer and feeds Jeffery IX while he waits for it to boot up. The fish only nips at one or two of the flakes before swimming back into the castle. It makes Jaehyun uneasy and he hopes that it’s not a sign of sickness because he's only had this one for like a week. He feels his phone vibrate in his back pocket and it pulls his mind away from the worry as he checks the notification.

Jaehyun feels his heart momentarily leap into his throat when he realizes that it's Johnny liking his Instagram post that he uploaded while in the car with Lucas—the one he had captioned ‘#NowPlaying HONNE - Location Unknown ◐’, a song that had been stuck in his head for weeks. Another buzz pops up another notification from Johnny, this time with him commenting on the post with a string of random emojis. It should be weird, completely strange and inappropriate given their last verbal conversation ended with Jaehyun literally throwing up into the next year, but it had actually become a very usual occurrence. 

In spite of everything that had happened, Johnny was still commenting and interacting with Jaehyun a lot on social media. Rather, even though they hadn’t texted or talked since New Year’s, there was no indication that that was the case online. It didn’t exactly sit well with Jaehyun, but it was better than nothing at all. At least he could easily go through Johnny’s Instagram and Twitter without any qualms. Johnny only had less than a handful of videos posted to his YouTube channel so far, but their fans had taken to it quickly and his own following was building up fast.

Looking through the lens of their online presence, everything was going great!

Offline, it was much less desirable—and some of their friends had seemed to pick up on that as well. Jaehyun’s fumbling and nonsensical answers to questions regarding Johnny was probably enough that they knew something was up, but thankfully the more observant ones like Kun, knew to not pry.

Letting his fingers brush over the notification, he opens up the app on his phone and favorites Johnny’s reply before tapping into his profile to look through his latest updates. Johnny’s recent photo is still just one that was posted a few days ago of him with Ten, Jungwoo, and Doyoung. Jaehyun vaguely wonders if the person who took the picture was Ten’s mysterious boyfriend, when his phone dings and a text alert pops up at the top of his screen. He sits down and takes the time to open up his editing software before opening up his messages.

To his surprise, he realizes that it’s a text from Jungwoo.

_Jaehyunie. Let’s do a video collab together!_

Jaehyun stares at the message for a moment before he decides to just set his phone down and start to move video files from his SD card to the computer. While doing this, he starts thinking back to the last time he saw Jungwoo, a tiny blush creeping up his neck. He wasn’t at Ten’s New Year’s party, so it was at the Halloween party. Jungwoo had since apologized, citing it being a part of a 'master plan' to make someone jealous. Jaehyun essentially just shrugged it off, because of course during that time, he was very preoccupied with Johnny.

Jaehyun breezily accepted the apology, but they still didn’t exactly talk too much outside of social media. Curiosity getting the better of him, he decides to type out a quick reply.

_what makes you say that all of a sudden?_

Jaehyun adds the alien emoji to the end of the text before sending it, then sets his phone down.  Jungwoo replies almost immediately in a string of texts and Jaehyun idly wonders what time it was in Korea.

_We all miss you over here!!!!_

_Being on my channel is an excuse for u to come see everyone!!_

_Plus Johnny’s bday is soon_

_So you’ll already be here for his birthday anyway!_

Jaehyun stares at the message in a slight panicked feeling of uncertainty. He wasn’t sure how to go about to replying to Jungwoo. Had Johnny or even Ten not told him about what happened at the party? It jostled the settled block in Jaehyun’s chest and prickled the hair on the back of his neck at the mere thought of Johnny in Seoul acting like nothing was wrong.

And then, as if the thought was enough to summon him, Jaehyun gets another text notification from Johnny himself. Jaehyun allows himself a deep breath before he looks at the message.

_Hey, sorry to bother. I’m at lunch with Ten and Jungwoo right now and we were discussing video collaborations that we wanted to do in the future. Jungwoo mentioned you, then got all excited of getting to film something with you when you come to Korea for my birthday party. You see, Jungwoo doesn’t know what happened on New Years, or anyone for that matter except for maybe Ten and his boyfriend. I just don’t think it’s anyone’s business other than our own, and don’t wanna risk anything getting leaked onto social media for obvious reasons...Sorry, I’m rambling. I just wanted you to know that you’re more than welcome to come to my birthday party. It’s not really a party, more like a get together, but everyone will be there and they’d all like to see you. It’ll be on my actual birthday since it lands on a Saturday. Maybe we could film something together as well. It’ll mean a lot to our subscribers and I know much you value them._

It takes Jaehyun several minutes to digest the entirety of Johnny’s message. It’s an invite only given after what probably felt like the only option. He wonders if Jungwoo hadn’t brought it up would Johnny have even considered extending an invitation—and even then, it was incredibly vague. Johnny's last sentence feels more like a jab than an innocent statement and Jaehyun has to mentally convince himself that there’s no venom behind it, Johnny was just being frank because it's the genuine truth.

The last thing he wants is their hard work being overshadowed by a bad falling out. He quickly types out an agreeable statement to Jungwoo, then composes a reply to Johnny. In spite of everything that has happened, he genuinely misses Johnny. He'd be lying to himself if he was he wasn't eager to see him again, even if the feelings aren’t reciprocated.

_sure thing johnny. i do miss everyone. i look forward to seeing them._

After that, he decides to shut off his phone while he works on his video. He doesn’t see Johnny’s new Instagram update, a picture of him pensively sipping an iced coffee with a caption ‘#nowplaying 검정치마 - EVERYTHING’, until the next day.

_▷▷▷_

_SEPTEMBER, 4 MONTHS AGO_

“Has this room always been here?” Jaehyun asks as they walk into Johnny’s developing and print room. Johnny can’t help but feel pride at Jaehyun’s wide, curious eyes exploring the room after switching on the main light.

“Yes and no. It used to be just a guest room, but I had it converted last month. That way, I can develop and print my photos in the comfort of my own home,” Johnny answers with a grin. It was his favorite investment to date. He even had what used to be the walk in closet’s walls and door specially insulated so he could use it as a total darkness room to remove his film safely from the camera and prepare them in the developing canisters.

“Johnny, this is so _cool!”_

Johnny watches as Jaehyun moves to the sheets of glass he has propped against stands and studies them curiously.

“That’s where I put the photos after rinsing them off. I squeegee them against the glass and let the excess water drip off before I set them on the drying racks,” Johnny informs him, knowing Jaehyun felt too shy to ask. It was endearing, how much Jaehyun seemed so eager to talk to Johnny about his photography when he probably only understood 50% of the conversation when he allowed him to go on ten minute tangents.

It’s no surprise really, that Johnny fell in love with his best friend.

“Do you have any photos you need to print? Can we do some today? I’d love to try it.”

Johnny feels his heart flutter and can’t help the smile that blooms on his face.

“Really?” he replies, “You’d really like to help me?”

Jaehyun nods eagerly, a dimpled grin taking over his face.

“Only if you’ll let me, of course.”

Johnny laughs and moves to a bookshelf that was built next to the drying racks. He pulls out an orange binder with ‘high school’ scribbled on the spine.

“I’d be honored to have an assistant today,” Johnny replies as he moves further down to the lightbox so they can view the negatives, “Now come over here and help me choose some negatives to make prints of.”

Jaehyun’s at his side in an instant, shoulder brushing against Johnny’s while he opens the binder to unhook the sheets of negatives. Out of the corner of his eye, Johnny sees Jaehyun watching his hands intently as he switches on the lightbox. He finds himself smiling while he sets the sheets against the lights that illuminates them.

Johnny indulges and lets himself stare at Jaehyun to see the way his eyes brighten when he realizes that the light brings clarity to the otherwise hard to look at negatives.

“Oh,” Jaehyun says, leaning down to look at the rows intently, “These are from high school.”

He lets out a shy laugh and Johnny feels as warm as the tips of Jaehyun’s reddening ears.

“Everyone looks cute.”

“Everyone looks _young._ I look embarrassing.”

“You look the cutest,” Johnny replies easily, not looking up when he feels Jaehyun still his movement and glance at him, “Here, what do you think of these?”

He flips to the pages from his last year in high school, to one he has bookmarked with a sticky note, and pushes it toward Jaehyun. He watches Jaehyun lean in, his features softening to a grin.

“These are from your ‘last first day of school’,” Jaehyun murmurs as he stares at each one carefully, “I like this one best. The whole gang.”

He points to a group photo on the bottom row. Johnny remembers asking the principle to take the picture for them. Johnny, with Jaehyun on his left, sat on the steps in the center, their friends surrounding them with big smiles on their faces. It was after school and every one was already in various stages of ‘out of code’ with their uniforms. Johnny’s blazer was off and tie loose and Jaehyun matched him to a T—sleeves rolled up and all.

“Good choice, Jaehyunie,” Johnny says as he makes note of its placement on a small dry erase board, then moves to switch off all the lights. He hears Jaehyun make a startled noise and he can’t help but laugh before turning on the safe lights. A soft, amber glow begins to emit from them hanging in the center of the room.

He can sense Jaehyun staring at him, so he meets his gaze as his form slowly comes into focus in front of him.

“Now what?” Jaehyun asks.

Johnny’s quiet for a moment, just taking in how Jaehyun looks under the warm glow of the safelights before he begins to explain the next steps while they wait for the lights to fully brighten. He pulls him over to the photo enlarger and tells him how to use it, then takes his hand to pull him to the extended sink that houses the trays of solutions and washes.

After that, he helps Jaehyun put a lab coat and gloves on, then re-walks him through the steps, this time actually going through the motions for the test sheet.

It feels a bit selfish, Johnny thinks to himself, using this moment as an opportunity to indulge himself with intimate touches as he guides Jaehyun’s hands in the right direction, and then watching him closely as his brow furrows in concentration when he bathes the photo paper in the various solutions.

He reaches in front of Jaehyun, arm brushing against his chest in the process to flip over the photo. He doesn’t miss the way Jaehyun’s breathing hitches a little at the contact, and then transition to a gasp when the group photo comes into view.

It’s the perfect grainy, yet clear texture Johnny loves, split into 5 various test tones going from lightest to darkest. Johnny grins and takes over to move the photo into the water, quickly washing it off before using the tongs to put it into a tray. He grabs Jaehyun’s wrist with his free hand and leads them to the door.

Once in the living room, the natural light from the windows illuminate the black and white photo. He lets Jaehyun take the tray in his hand to stare at the picture closely. Johnny notices the pinking of his cheeks and can’t help but stare at Jaehyun like he’s staring at the photo.

“I think I like the second tone the best,” Jaehyun says eventually as he hands the tray back to Johnny.

“Good, me too,” Johnny replies and leads them back into the room, “Do you remember the settings?”

Jaehyun smiles a little devilishly, “Of course I do. Unlike you, I don’t need to write every little thing down in order to not forget—ow!”

Johnny hits his shoulder gently with his fist as he pushes them inside.

“If you think you can wound me with your words, you’re wrong!”

“I’m not trying to wound you, I’m just stating truths.”

They bicker back and forth comfortably for a few minutes while they work on the final print of the photo. After a while they fall into an easy silence while Johnny selects negatives he wants to print and Jaehyun creates them.

A little while later, Johnny begins to make room on the drying racks for the newly printed photos. He gathers the ones currently lying on them and puts them in an uneven, loose stack on a shelf bin. Later, he’ll press them, but for now he wants them out of Jaehyun’s sight.  

He was working on a special project for him—something he’s sure that Jaehyun will treasure close to his heart. During moments like this, when there’s no pressure from the cameras to act a certain way or play anything up, he thinks that maybe, _just maybe,_ through the tender moments they share in the privacy of their own time and space—Jaehyun still might harbor similar feelings that Johnny has for him.

And this time, Johnny wasn’t going to let his carelessness wedge another wall between them. 

_▷▷▷_

_FEBRUARY, PRESENT DAY_

What Jaehyun didn’t realize, is that when Jungwoo wanted to do a collaboration video with him, he also had plans to invite others. He especially didn’t realize that Johnny would be included in this collab either, yet there he was, following Ten inside Jungwoo’s roomy one bedroom flat

(and honestly—what was it with these people and their need for surprise guests?).

Jaehyun can’t help but stare at Johnny dressed in all black, from the ball cap sitting backwards on his head, to the black hoodie and joggers. He becomes painfully aware that they’ve somehow accidentally coordinated by wearing the same color.

The instant Johnny glances his way at the kitchen table, Jaehyun looks down and pretends to be preoccupied by his phone, grateful when his bangs fall down and hide the panic in his eyes. Doyoung, sitting across from him, lets out a snort, but Jaehyun refuses to oblige him by even sparing him a glare. What does he know, anyway?

It was still weird to him that Doyoung was even here at all—even after discovering that he and Jungwoo were _dating._

(It had went like this—Jungwoo invited Jaehyun over for breakfast, which had initially concerned him because he knew they both had the same skill level when it came to the kitchen. And then, to his surprise, he walked into Jungwoo’s flat to seeing Doyoung cooking. He vaguely recalled Jungwoo having a roommate, and of course, with their families being close he supposed it made sense, but then when they shared a tender kiss, Jaehyun was sure he would have choked on his food if he had any in his mouth.

“Are you two dating?”

“Yes.”

“Since when?”

“Halloween.”)

“I’m so glad you guys were able to come!” He hears Jungwoo say while closing the front door behind them.

“Oh, I’m always down for showing off my flexibility,” Ten says, Jaehyun finally looking up from his phone and chancing a glance in their direction. He senses Johnny stare at him and refuses to meet his gaze for a moment—then he realizes a little belatedly that he should probably be acting like everything is how it used to be.

He puts a smile and stands so he can greet them like the good friend he is. Johnny’s familiar cologne fills Jaehyun’s senses when he approaches him. He tries to not feel so comforted by it when he allows Johnny to embrace him in a tight hug.

“Nice leggings,” Johnny says into his year before pulling away from the hug, “Good to see you, Jae.”

“It’s been a while,” Jaehyun replies, ears turning pink, “since I’ve seen your face, I mean. Maybe I’ve missed it.”

Though it’s a facade, the words are still truthful. When they leave Jaehyun’s tongue, he’s left feeling a little hollow inside—but then Johnny’s laugh fills it. It’s not completely genuine, Jaehyun knows him well enough to tell the difference, but it’s enough to calm the tension in the air around them. Jaehyun’s smile sits more easily on his face while Ten’s starts up a conversation before any silence can fill up the room.

Eventually the conversation shifts to today’s film plans and Jaehyun’s ears perk up, curious and a little scared to hear what Jungwoo’s plans were now.

Initially, Jungwoo was wanting to show do something along the lines of an 'I make my friend do 10 hard yoga poses challenge'. Jaehyun was initially really excited for it because he was confident, as a regular gym enthusiast, that he would succeed in at least half of those poses.

Now, Jaehyun had a sinking feeling that Jungwoo was wanting to do—

“Couples yoga poses!” Jungwoo chirps happily, “A surprise ‘I make my friends do couple poses’ challenge.”

He saw it coming, yet he still felt the dread forming in the pit of his stomach. It wasn’t hard to figure out who he was going to be partnered with.  

Doyoung is the first to laugh and Jaehyun can hear the nervous energy behind it.

“How are they going to do couples yoga when there’s three of them?” He asks. There's a slight stutter in the beginning of his sentence, but Jaehyun pretends to not notice it.

“You’re going to join them, of course!” Jungwoo replies with a small smile, “You did say you would make another appearance on my channel soon.”

“Yeah, but I meant during one of your healthy meal planning segments,” Doyoung says with a sigh, then glances at around at everyone else, “Fine, but I want to be partnered with Ten. He looks like the person who can do most of the leg work.”

“Fuck you,” Ten says, then puts on a smug face, “You’re right. I do yoga on the reg’. Naturally, I am the best partner for this. I accept your partnership, but only because Johnny looks like he hasn’t stretched since grade school.” Jaehyun wants to feel offended on Johnny’s behalf. Just because that was essentially the truth, it doesn’t mean he looks like it, too. Johnny was still a very fit person—not that any of it mattered, but still.

More bickering ensues, but Jaehyun stops listening in favor of stretching. Neither weren’t exactly single-minded activities, but he’d rather pretend he was at the gym—just finished on his treadmill warmup—than tune in to a conversation of who would be who’s partner when he was so obviously excluded.

How Jungwoo thought this a good idea was beyond him.

He steps a little away from everyone and thinks about what song he would be listening to if he were at the gym. With his warm up stretches, he always prefer something slow—something that carefully stretched with his body. Jaehyun lets his eyes close while he begin stretching his arms. He thinks of a song on one of his slower playlists—something that has a soft guitar melody and gentle piano cadences. It pushes him through while he reaches up, arms directly above his head, and then descends as Jaehyun bends down to touch his toes. He does so with ease, and lets himself stay bent like that for a few seconds before standing back up.

Jaehyun realizes, as he opens his eyes that the room had gone quiet. He looks around to see everyone staring at him. Ten’s smiling at him in a way that both confuses and scares him a little.

“Oh, maybe this will turn out to be a bit of a competition after all,” Ten says, eyeing Jaehyun like he was seeing him for the first time. It makes Jaehyun’s skin crawl a little.

“Like I said,” Johnny says, catching Jaehyun’s eye, “Jaehyun works out regularly. He’ll be perfect for this.”

“Hmph,” Ten’s in front of him in an instant, forcing Jaehyun’s attention on him. Jaehyun expects a scathing comment, but instead he gets a cartoon cat smile and a shoulder bump, “May the best men win, then. Right, Jaehyunie?”

His name sounds wrong on Ten's tongue, he thinks, but ultimately he remembers he should be playing nice and smiles back, hands tucking in his pocket to keep from fidgeting.

“Oh, we will.”

Which, of course, Jaehyun realizes thirty odd minutes later, that it’s a bit easier said than done. It’s only the first pose—if you could even call it that. They’re told to sit cross-legged with knees touching. Jungwoo has a mischievous glint in his eye and a stack of photos in his hands. He reveals the first photo for them and it’s of a couple sitting like them, with their backs straight and hands on each other’s knees. The couple in the photo are staring into each other’s eyes very intimately and it makes Jaehyun’s nerves jump into his throat at the thought at having to stare at the one person who wants nothing to do with him.

Doyoung and Ten bicker somewhere to the left of their mat, but Jaehyun’s pays them no mind.

When he chances a look at Johnny, he’s staring at Jaehyun with a strange smile on his face. Jaehyun can’t look away, and then realizes that it must be intention because he makes a pointed glance at the camera and— _oh yeah._ This is all being filmed on camera and they have have to act like everything's normal.

Jaehyun looks at his partner and smiles, internally hating how forced it feels stretched across your face. It appears, where Jaehyun always felt confident and natural in front of a camera, he now felt nervous and vulnerable.

“This pose is meant to be a moment to relax!” Jungwoo says cheerfully, pulling Jaehyun’s attention out of his own head, “Take the time and really look your partner in the eye and take the time to really appreciate them.”

“Ugly,” he hears Ten say before yelling, “Ow! Jungwoo, tell your boyfriend to retract his claws out of my knees—Ow!”

While they do that, Jaehyun feels Johnny squeeze his Jaehyun’s legs just above the knee, causing Jaehyun to look at him again. Johnny’s smiling at him in such a way it makes his heart leap. It’s only when he speaks that he remembers it’s just for show.

“I really appreciate you, Jae,” Johnny says with a playful bounce in his voice.

“Oh, you always know how to flatter me,” Jaehyun replies easily, instinctively in spite of their situation. The smile he returns feels a little strained, but it’s still genuine. At the very least, they were both willing to do this for each other.

So the remainder of the filming goes by smoothly for the most part.

There’s certain moments that mess with Jaehyun’s head. Moments like when the pose requires Jaehyun to bend in ways none of them expect him to fold so pliantly into, and he feels Johnny staring at him, and whatever part of him attached to Jaehyun for the pose burning his skin like a brand iron. And then—other moments, where the exertion is equal and everything feels too intimate between them before Johnny breaks up the tension with a joke or cheeky comment.

After the last pose—Jaehyun and Johnny complete it successfully; Doyoung and Ten embarrass themselves and insult each other some more—they both collapse to the ground. Jaehyun lays starfished against the matts with Johnny just hovering over him, barely have caught himself from falling against Jaehyun. It was an airplane type pose Jaehyun remembers a nanny doing with him and Jaemin when they were toddlers. Jaehyun had been the one on his back, because he could do a better job keeping his legs straight up and perpendicular to his body. Johnny had successfully planked against them for three full seconds before they found themselves in their current position.

Jaehyun stares at Johnny with wide eyes as he tries to keep he breath even. Johnny’s cheeks are pink from the strain, and Jaehyun thinks he probably looks much the same. He swallows, heart aching a little bit at the thought of being so close to something he can no longer have.

“Johnny,” he murmurs with a nervous lick to his lips, but before he can say anything else Johnny is sitting up and then helping Jaehyun sit up.

“Later.” Is all Johnny says before standing up and moving into the frame of the camera that was primarily on Jungwoo. He declares himself and Jaehyun the rightful winner and accepts Jungwoo’s loud congratulations. Jaehyun, meanwhile stays on the ground, grateful that he had the excuse of catching his breath to dwell in his own thoughts.

Being so physically close to Johnny only reminded Jaehyun how much he really misses him. They _had_ to talk. Surely if they could do this, they could talk about what happened and the misunderstandings that twisted everything up for them.

The remainder of filming is just more banter and Jungwoo playfully crowning Johnny and Jaehyun the winner. They get to wear paper crowns and do an impromptu photoshoot to post later on social media once the video gets uploaded.

Jaehyun doesn’t really get a chance to talk to Johnny alone once filming is concluded. They all help clean up and move furniture back where it belongs and there just isn’t a moment where Jaehyun can pull Johnny aside without it looking weird.

Johnny and Ten don’t stay too much longer after that, with Ten going on about having to pick someone up at the airport. They all say their goodbyes, with Johnny’s to Jaehyun being for him to not be a stranger. Jaehyun playfully promises even though they both know outside of their act it would be Jaehyun saying that to Johnny and Johnny not saying anything at all.

He hopes, at least, Johnny will give him even the smallest time of day.

Having already have decided to stay the night at Jungwoo's, the remainder of Jaehyun’s evening is spent snuggled on Jungwoo’s couch watching movies.

Jungwoo’s sits on the other end, a soft blanket shared between the two. Doyoung was out having a dinner with his brothers who were in town for one last night.

Once the movie ends, Jaehyun yawns and rubs his eyes. He sits up straight and stretches out his arms, not bothering to stifle his yawn.

“Jaehyun?” Jungwoo says after shutting off the TV.

Jaehyun eyes him sleepily, his movement going still.

“Hm?”

“I’m sorry about today. You and Johnny—something’s happened, right?”

Jaehyun doesn’t want to look at Jungwoo, but he does anyway, and fortunately Jungwoo has an apologetic expression on his face rather than one of pity. He slowly nods, casting his eyes downward.

“Yeah, actually,” Jaehyun admits, “We’re sort of not on speaking terms outside of social media or our channels. Is it that noticeable?”

“Off camera, yes,” Jungwoo replies. He scoots closer and places a comforting hand over Jaehyun’s, “The last time I saw you two together, whenever you were near each other you were so in each other’s own orbits. I finally understand what people used to say about you two back in high school.”

It takes Jaehyun a moment for him to realize what Jungwoo meant by that. He always forgot that the Johnny had graduated the year before Jungwoo’s semesters in the States, and their paths never crossed until Ten brought everyone together. Jaehyun feels his cheeks heat up a little at the thought of people talking about him and Johnny from high school. Once again, Jaehyun wonders just how obvious he was to the people around him before he himself could understand his own feelings.

“Oh,” he says in the midst of processing all this, and then once he’s had the chance to organize his thoughts, “Yeah, erm. Something happened between us. I really want to fix it, but I don’t think he really wants to.”

Jungwoo’s quiet for a moment, and then he’s patting Jaehyun’s hand and humming.

“I can’t say anything with 100% confidence about the matter, especially when I don’t know the situation,” Jungwoo begins, and adds when Jaehyun opens his mouth to respond, “And I don’t need to know the situation. You don’t have to worry about me prying. But—if the way he looks at you when you’re genuinely not paying attention is anything to go by, I would have to assume he really wants to fix things too, Jae.”

Jaehyun lets Jungwoo’s words hang in the air for a moment and then wrap him in a blanket of hope. Maybe Jungwoo’s observation isn’t too far from the truth. He decides this is the kind of information he should be holding onto to propel him in the right direction of fixing his and Johnny’s relationship.

For the first time in a while, Jaehyun’s smile forms easily on his lips.

“Thank you for saying that,” he tells Jungwoo genuinely, “It really means a lot.”

Jungwoo smiles back at him and stands, Jaehyun following suit.

“You’re my friend, Jaehyun,” Jungwoo answers, patting his cheek affectionately, “It’s my job to tell you the truth and also ease your worries. We’re very fortunate that I am able to get 2 birds with 1 stone this time around.”

Jaehyun laughs a little at that, then after a for more quips back and forth, they wish each other good night and Jungwoo heads to his room. Jaehyun lays back down with one of the couch pillows and shifts around until he's comfortable.

Not long after, Jaehyun gets a text from Johnny. Much to his pleasure, it’s an invite to Johnny’s apartment to film something together. Jaehyun quickly agrees and Johnny tells him they can figure out the details of it all throughout the week and then film in the day before Johnny’s birthday party. Once again, Jaehyun’s in agreement and can’t help but hug his phone once their text conversation comes to an end. He snuggles further into the couch, and it doesn’t take him much long after that before sleep easily pulls him under her spell.

▷▷▷

And they actually do text each other through the remainder of the week. With a recommendation from Jungwoo, they decided to do a playful Not-Valentine’s day special that they dubbed the 'Brofriend Tag'. Jungwoo promised to provide them a list of questions from when he had Doyoung done the 'Boyfriend Tag' and Johnny said he would supply some fun Not-Valentine decorations for the video. They didn’t discuss anything outside of their video plans, but Jaehyun was still excited for it.

Johnny didn’t have plans until the afternoon, so Jaehyun was sure that this would leave them plenty of time to be able to lay everything out in the open and discuss what happened. Sure, he was _so fucking_ nervous about it and felt nauseous whenever he thought about what he should say, but Jaehyun was ready to get it over with. All he wanted was for things to go back how they used to be, or better. Preferably better, actually

It’s just past 11am when he arrives at Johnny’s apartment. He’s let in by Johnny who greets him a little stiffly before returning to the camera setup. Jaehyun realizes that without anyone else here, Johnny’s a lot more awkward around him. He has to remind himself that today they’ll have the opportunity to work things out and tries to not let it bother him too much. He grabs himself a glass of water and moves over to Johnny who’s setting everything up at the couch.

“Did you get the list of questions?” Johnny asks him, not looking up from his task at hand.

“Yeah,” Jaehyun answers with a nod even though Johnny doesn’t see it, “He got them to me just as I was leaving. I haven’t really looked over them yet, but he says we may want to skip over some of the questions.”

“We’ll see when we get there,” Johnny says and then remains quiet for several more minutes. Jaehyun keeps himself busy by arranging the pillows and background setting behind the couch. He tries not to blush when he goes over to the beds and makes sure they’re both made and tidied.

Once everything is set up and there’s nothing either of them can awkwardly do while they ignore the other, they find themselves sitting on the couch. Well, Jaehyun is sitting, and Johnny is getting ready to press record on the camera. Jaehyun fidgets a little nervously, going over some of his notes for their intro statements.

“Are you ready, Jaehyun?”

Jaehyun takes a sip of his water before he sets it out of frame on the coffee table, then nods.

“Are you, Johnny?”

Instead of answering, Johnny checks that the mics are okay, then gives the thumbs up once he’s pressed record. In an instant, a switch is flipped in both of them and Johnny’s smile believably genuine to anyone but Jaehyun. In return, Jaehyun can only try to match his smile.

They easily go through the introductions without any mess-ups. Johnny has a party popper and Jaehyun has a blowing noisemaker to commemorate their union after being apart for a month. They take a couple selfies on camera, and then Johnny segues to the theme of their video.

“And to celebrate it not being Valentine’s day yet, we’re gonna answer some questions for the brofriend tag!”

It starts off easy and Jaehyun is able to match Johnny’s wit almost like how things used to be. Jaehyun both loves and despises how naturally they slide into their YouTuber roles. Behind his smile is the urge to get through the video so they can talk sans cameras.

“Okay, onto the first question then,” Johnny says, grabbing a rectangular piece of paper from a bowl in the center of the coffee table. They had decided to cut the questions up and put them in a bowl to draw at random, “When did you first meet?”

“Oh, but we’ve known each other since we were in diapers,” Jaehyun answers, “Can’t we change the question a little bit?”

“Good point, Jaeby,” Johnny replies easily, looking at him, then at the camera, “How about, our first vivid memory of one another? And we can just answer for ourselves, just as some fun trivia for JohnJae nation.”

Jaehyun hums and grins, nodding, “Yeah, that’s good. Let’s see...” He pauses, genuinely taking a moment to think. “My first vivid memory of Johnny is when, I believe I was maybe 3 years old, and we’re at the park with, what was her name? Sarah, I think.”

“Ah, Sarah. My childhood nanny,” Johnny interrupts with a nostalgic sigh.

“Johnny’s childhood nanny,” Jaehyun agrees, “She gave Johnny bread to feed the ducks with. I think I wasn’t allowed the bread because I kept eating it, so I could only sit and watch. Anyway, this giant goose comes up to Johnny and snatches a full slice of bread out of Johnny’s hand. Johnny gets mad and begins to quack at it”

“Oh my god,” Johnny says, hiding his face in embarrassment, stifling his laughter, “I remember that.”

Jaehyun can’t help but laugh too.

“Yeah, and then the goose bit your finger and you started crying. I didn’t understand what was going on, but I remember seeing you cry made me think I was supposed to cry too, so I did.”

“And that’s your first vivid memory of me?”

“That’s my first vivid memory of you.”

They stare at each other with post-laughter smiles for a few seconds too long, and Jaehyun turns away, hoping his ears don’t turn pink.

“And what about you, with me?” Jaehyun asks, slipping back into YouTuber mode.

Johnny doing the same, dramatically pretends to think for few seconds, then _Ah’s_ with a finger pointing up.

“I remember! I think it was probably when I was 3 years old and you were 2 years. You and Jaemin were at my house and Sarah was watching us.”

“God bless, Sarah.”

“And you somehow got into a jar of peanut butter and somehow just got it all over your body. I think I vaguely remember Sarah even crying when she saw you.”

Now Jaehyun’s ears really do turn pink and he looks at Johnny in shock.

“Is that really your first memory of me, or are you just trying to embarrass me?” he accuses without any bite. Though he feels hot in embarrassment, there’s still an amused smile on Jaehyun’s face.

Johnny has a devilish look in his eyes. “Whether that was my intention or not, it’s still a very vivid memory from our childhood!”

Jaehyun stares at him flatly, then looks at the camera, a sharp smile on his face.

“Moving on!”

And the next few questions roll off without any problems—questions about pet peeves, guilty pleasures, animal resemblances.

”Does blank, oh, I mean, does Johnny want children and if so, how many? Oh, I remember once Johnny told me he wanted 10 children since he’s an only child and wants to experience a big family!”

“Okay, but I was probably 10 when I told you that,” Johnny says with a laugh.   

“So you _don’t_ want 10 children?” Jaehyun teases, pretending to sound affronted.

“As I climb further and further into adulthood,” Johnny, on the eve of turning 21, begins, “I can honestly say 10 seems a bit overwhelming. However, I think I could handle 2 or 3 kiddos.”

Jaehyun nods, inwardly thinking the same thing, but feeling too shy to say it out loud. Sensing a lull in the conversation, Johnny clears his throat and grabs the next question.

“What is the most,” he starts, then stumbles over his words a bit, “The most meaningful gift you’ve gotten from Jaehyun.”

The question hangs in the air like bait for a fish and neither want to make a grab for it. Jaehyun stares a little just below the camera, not wanting to chance a look at Johnny. The air is stiff with silence—and then Johnny begins to speak, a weird tilt to his voice.

“Well,” he pauses a moment and Jaehyun wonders if he’s going to bring up the bracelet. He feels his pulse quicken a little bit in anticipation, “I’m actually hoping Jae will give me something meaningful for my 21st birthday. I know we’re in Korea right now, but it’s a pretty big deal in the States.”

Ah, so that’s the route he chose to take. Jaehyun puts on a smile, crinkling his eyes in hope that it’ll at least appear that it reaches them.

“Ah, this is Johnny’s way of saying he wants me to gift him one of my mother’s expensive wine bottles from her collection.”

“Well, your mom does have the best wine.”

“My favorite gift from Johnny,” Jaehyun says, choosing to change the topic, by getting back on topic, “Is a photo album he gifted me over Christmas.” He pauses just long enough to glance at Johnny, who’s now staring at him with a serious expression on his face. Jaehyun looks at the camera and continues, “As you know, Johnny’s a photographer, so majority of the photos were taken by him, and all of them were printed by his hand at his home studio. You could tell he put a lot of effort in it for me, and it’s something that’ll always bring a smile to my face and make me nostalgic.”  

“That was my question to answer, not yours,” Johnny answers. When Jaehyun looks at him again, he can see the seriousness in his face to know that this section was most likely getting cut.

Jaehyun choose to smile and laugh easily, “Well I wanted to answer it too, so there.”

It’s enough that it pushes Johnny in a position to laugh back and play it off like he was just acting serious. Luckily, he rises to the bait and laughs along with Jaehyun.

“Fair enough. What’s the next question we can answer?”

Jaehyun pulls the question and feels his cheeks heat up as he reads the question before saying it out loud.

“Ah. Who was Johnny’s first kiss?” Jaehyun looks back at the camera, not wanting to see Johnny’s facial expression, “His first kiss was to a girl in our middle school choir when he was in 8th grade. I remember because we were all in choir together and she had pulled him into one of the practice rooms to kiss him. Me and Doyoung saw it through the door window.”

“Wait, _you_ saw that?” Johnny asks, a blush visibly appearing on his cheeks, “Were you the one who told the entire choir it happened?”

“No, that was Doyoung. None of that was a lie, it just so happens I saw it too,” Jaehyun replies, smiling a little sadly at the memory. Jaehyun’s remembers the uneasy feeling in his stomach that resulted from witnessing that. At the time, he couldn’t understand why he felt that way. Though now, years later, with his feelings for Johnny still lingering in spite of the current state of their relationship, it’s no wonder jealousy tugged at his stomach before he could even understand why.

“Interesting,” Johnny says, then pauses, clearly thinking for a moment, “Oh. I don’t think I actually know who Jaehyun’s first kiss was? Surely it wasn’t Wendy?”

Jaehyun’s ears go really pink and he all but mumbles as he avoids any eye contact with Johnny or the camera, “Jungwoo was my first kiss, actually.”

“Oh,” is Johnny’s reply, “We can leave that part out of the final cut.”

Jaehyun nods, no longer meeting Johnny’s eyes, and hands him the next piece of paper to read.

The next few questions are easier—what cake would you bake for the other, does the other have any weird obsessions, what song reminds you of the other, what was your first vacation together. The last question makes Jaehyun exceptionally nostalgic. The first time they vacationed together was a joint trip with both of their families. Having just bought a property on an island somewhere in the Grenadines, the Seos had invited their closest friends, the Jungs and their children, to spend a couple weeks with them. Johnny was 11 and Jaehyun was 10. It was the first time Jaehyun and seen Johnny so sunkissed. Jaehyun remembers feeling what he thought was jealousy because where Jaehyun’s skin burned and blistered, Johnny’s just simply turned warmer and more golden.

He doesn’t realize he’s staring until Johnny’s saying his name a few times too many.

“Sorry!” Jaehyun mumbles, grabbing the next question.

“What is Johnny’s best feature? Well that’s easy.”

It’s probably very comical, really, how quickly Jaehyun’s eyes drop to Johnny’s perfectly shaped lips. When he looks up, he catches Johnny watching at him. Jaehyun turns away quickly to look at the camera, smiling.

“His best feature is his heart,” Jaehyun says instead, still truthfully “He’s the kind of person who does everything with the best intention. I know that whatever decision he makes, it’s in everyone’s best interest.” Even though sometimes his decisions stem from mislead situations, Jaehyun thinks to himself.

Johnny hums and Jaehyun feels his eyes on him. For a moment, Jaehyun thinks that he’s staring at his lips and can’t help but swallow a little roughly. And then, in the next moment Johnny is putting his finger where one of Jaehyun’s dimples would be if he smiled. As if on cue, Jaehyun can’t help but let it form.

“And obviously Jaehyun’s best feature are his dimples.”

Johnny leaves his finger pressed into Jaehyun’s skin for several seconds longer than necessary and it makes Jaehyun’s skin tingle. He finally pulls his hand away to grab the next question.

“What does Jaehyun like to do when you two are alone?”

The question sends Jaehyun into a coughing fit as memories of many things that Jaehyun likes to do when he’s alone with Johnny. Jaehyun knows he’s probably breaking some unspoken exes-who-are-not-really-exes rule, but he can’t help how affected the question makes him when it he feels the smallest spark in his stomach.

“Well,” Jaehyun begins, realizing Johnny hasn’t answered the question yet, “What do I like to do when it’s just the two of us, Johnny?” He can tell by the distant look in Johnny’s eyes that his mind is going to similar places. When Johnny looks at him again, there’s an intensity Jaehyun hasn’t seen in a long time.

Johnny blinks and the stare is gone as he turns his attention back to the camera, completely composed. Suddenly, Jaehyun feels dread in anticipation to hearing Johnny’s answer. The question starts to feel too personal and too intimate to share with the world.

“Whenever it’s just us two, Jaehyun loves to sleep. I can’t tell you how many pictures I’ve taken of Jaehyun just sleeping. He can fall asleep pretty much anywhere too.”

The answer surprises Jaehyun because it’s also something very truthful, and he can’t help but blush a little because he’s sure Johnny is also being truthful about the pictures as well.

“I’m gonna change up the question a little,” Jaehyun finds himself saying, “I wanna say my favorite thing that Johnny likes to do when we’re alone.” He can feel Johnny shooting him a curious look out of the corner of his eye and Jaehyun can’t help but smile. “Whenever we’re just chilling in my room, he loves to take care of my pet fish. I don’t know why, but I always enjoy watching him feed him.”

“That’s,” Johnny says, his YouTuber voice dropping a little, “That’s really strange, actually. I wasn’t expecting that.”

Jaehyun cocks his head curiously, “What did you think I was going to say?”

Johnny shrugs, gesturing at the bowl for Jaehyun to pick another question.

“I don’t know, really. But it’s not like I can do much with a pet fish other than feed it.”

Jaehyun hums instead of giving any reasoning behind his answer, even though he knows that’s what Johnny is fishing (ha) for.

He clears his throat and looks at the question, reading it as he says it out loud.

“Is there something Johnny does that makes your heart skip a beat?”

At this point, Jaehyun realizes that maybe they should have screened the questions like Jungwoo suggested, before just cutting them up. Johnny makes a weird noise, something between a laugh and exasperation. Jaehyun thinks that he’s going to tell them to just skip the question, but then he quickly notices that Johnny’s staring at him expectantly. He was genuinely waiting for Jaehyun’s answer.

And of course, his reply quickly comes to mind and rolls easily off his tongue as he stares at the camera.

“I think if you guys could witness this, you would agree with me,” Jaehyun begins while he nods, “But it’s really something to see Johnny when he’s working on his photography—any part of the process. Whether it be when he’s taking photos, developing them, or printing them out. Though I think watching him manually print his photos is my favorite thing because he has his own dark room, and it’s truly an immersive experience. And whenever Johnny’s doing anything related to photography, he just gets this _look_ in his eyes that’s just so passionate. You can tell that photography is his whole world and his greatest passion. It’s admirable and I truly am so fortunate that I’m so close with someone who fully embraces their passion in life.”

When he finishes, Jaehyun realizes he might have been speaking for too long and wonders if he should have just kept it answer short. Jaehyun chances a look at Johnny who’s looking at Jaehyun like he’s unsure what to say. The silence begins to feel a little overwhelming and Jaehyun clears his throat, nudging Johnny a little by bumping his leg against his.

“Aren’t you going to answer the question, too, Johnny?”

The question seems to bring Johnny out of his head he looks away from Jaehyun rather quickly.

“Right, um. Yeah, give me a moment,” he laughs with only the slightest hint of force as he looks at the camera, “How am I gonna top something so poetic like that with our Jaehyunie?”

Their eyes meet again and Johnny’s with a brightness Jaehyun hasn’t seen in a while. He swallows, not wanting to break eye contact first, but it’s a little unsettling how Johnny just stares at him while he tries to come up with answer.

Eventually, Jaehyun looks away to smile at the camera.

“It looks like Johnny is struggling to say anything nice about me,” he says playfully. It’s a joke, obviously, but somehow it evokes a serious reaction from Johnny, who shakes his head immediately.

“No, that’s not it, Jae.” Johnny says, with sincerity in his eyes, “It’s just. Everything I want to say feels too intimate to say in front of the cameras.”

Jaehyun’s camera facade drops immediately, face coloring in surprise.

“Johnny—”

“Shit, I’m sorry. Can we cut this question out?”

“Yeah, If you wan’t. It should be a prob—”

“No, that’s stupid, I’m sorry, I know it’s not that deep.”

“It’s okay, I get—”

“Or we can still show it, but just cut to another question instead of having me answer too.”

“If that’s what you want—”

“No, I should answer it. I’m sorry, I don’t want you to feel bad.”

“Johnny—”

“It’s not because I can’t think of anything.”

“Johnny, I kn—”

“I promise, it’s just. Maybe this question is a little much given our history—”

“Johnny.”

“—Though I know some of these other questions have been a little awkward too—”

“ _Johnny—”_

“Which you’ve been able to answer all of them with ease. So maybe I’m just being stupid, I’m sor—”

This odd reversal of roles isn’t something Jaehyun is accustomed to. Because in the past, it’s always been Jaehyun rambling and Johnny having to bring _him_ down. Unfortunately all of Johnny’s methods were buried somewhere deep in his mind. It genuinely was not a thing Jaehyun thought he would be doing today, or any time in the near future, for that matter, but somehow the only thing he felt like he could do in this moment to shut Johnny up—was to kiss him.

It’s a simple kiss—firm enough to shut Johnny up, but innocent enough that Jaehyun just lets himself enjoy the moment and feel the familiar texture of Johnny’s lips against his. They stay like that for a few seconds too long that it becomes awkward and when Jaehyun opens his eyes, unsurprisingly, Johnny’s eyes are already open and staring. Jaehyun pulls back in that moment, but keeps the hand he placed on Johnny still against his chest.

There’s still shock written on his face and Jaehyun instantly feels bad.

“Johnny, I’m—”

This time when Johnny interrupts him, it’s still with his lips but not with his words. The second kiss has a lot more movement than the first because this time it was Johnny who initiated it and Jaehyun is more than willing to indulge him. It’s not long before their kisses become noisier. Jaehyun licks into Johnny’s mouth with a forgotten hunger, pushing closer and closer until he’s halfway into his lap and straddling one of his thighs.

He feels Johnny’s hand move to his hips and Jaehyun moans into his mouth when he feels his tightened grip. It’s loud enough that it seems to startle them both for a moment and Jaehyun breaks the kiss but stays close. They’re both breathing heavy and Jaehyun feels arousal pooling in his stomach at feeling of Johnny’s hot breath against his cheek.

“Jaehyun,” Johnny mumbles in a voice that sends a shiver down Jaehyun’s spine. Jaehyun turns his head so he can look at Johnny, but his eyes quickly fall to the swell of his kiss slicked lips. He can’t help but press his lips back to Johnny’s, already forgetting that he maybe had something to tell Jaehyun.

He indulges himself a little by cupping Johnny’s jaw with his free hand. Johnny gasps a little at the contact and eyes Jaehyun’s hand. Jaehyun meanwhile, feels the sharpness of his jawbone and runs his thumb along it before he tilts Johnny’s head to the side so he can kiss the other side of it. His eyes are open just enough that when he looks up he can see the way Johnny bites his lip. It’s such a beautiful sight to witness and it reminds Jaehyun how much he missed _this_ . He places open mouthed kisses down Johnny’s jaw to his neck, trying to coax out any noise he can from Johnny while using his tongue. Jaehyun grazes his teeth lightly along one of Johnny’s sweet spots and revels in the vibrations when he lets out a low and drawn out _ah._

“Jaehyun—,” Johnny says, this time his voice much more strained. Jaehyun lets the hand on Johnny’s chest slide further down as he pulls his head up to look at him. The way Johnny is staring at him makes Jaehyun so nostalgic and so turned on. He _knows_ it’s not even been two months since the last time they got to kiss like this, but it still _felt_ like it had been an eternity. All he wants to do is get lost in their lust for each other.

Jaehyun, once again, doesn’t respond. He attaches his lips back to Johnny’s neck and placed a hand in between his thighs and cups him through his jeans. It thrills Jaehyun to know that he’s just as turned on and missed this just as much.

Johnny lets out a gasp and his hips buck up a little, while Jaehyun continues to leave wet kisses, resisting the urge to leave hickeys. His feels his own dick hardening and constraining against the confines of his jeans so he begins to grind down on Johnny’s thigh. He lets out a whine that causes Johnny to pull Jaehyun off his neck so they can kiss again. This time it’s all tongue and teeth, with Johnny’s hands sliding under Jaehyun’s shirt. He moans into Johnny’s mouth at the feeling of his hot hand rubbing at his sensitive skin.

In return, Jaehyun makes work to unbutton Johnny’s pants and swiftly sticks his hand down them. He grips Johnny through his underwear and swallows his moan eagerly. Johnny moves a hand into Jaehyun’s hair and tugs until their lips detach. Jaehyun is about to whine in protest when he feels Johnny’s tongue on his exposed collarbones from the wide necked shirt he was wearing.

“You’re so—,” Johnny says as he begins to suck a mark into Jaehyun’s skin, “—much.”

“I’ve missed you so much,” Jaehyun says dumbly, getting lost in the feeling of Johnny’s mouth marking him up.

“Me— _ah—_ too,” Johnny replies while Jaehyun dips his hand into his underwear, “missed this too.” His words slur a little bit and Jaehyun feels momentary pride knowing he’s the cause of it. In the midst of pleasure, Jaehyun’s brain registers the words that rolled off Johnny’s tongue. His heart warms a little at their meaning and his arousal intensifies.

He begins to stroke Johnny a little bit and moans when he bites and nips at his skin in return.

“Can I blow you? Let me blow you,” Jaehyun says, his thumb smearing precome over the head of Johnny’s dick.

Johnny answers with a moan and lifts his head so they can look at each other. The slight nod and his lust filled eyes is all the assurance Jaehyun needs before he slides out of Johnny’s lap and to the floor, settling between his legs. He makes quick work once he’s on his knees, tugging Johnny’s pants and underwear down just enough that his cock springs free.

Jaehyun looks up at Johnny he begins to stroke him again. He maintains eye contact with him while he leans in to lick in a strip along his length. Johnny’s the first to break it when he lets his eyes close in a moan. It encourages Jaehyun to do it again, then swirl his tongue around the head. He pauses for a moment to let his saliva collect in his mouth before he lets it drip onto Johnny’s dick. He uses the excess spit to stroke Johnny some more as he licks along the base of his cock.

Jaehyun feels Johnny’s hand move into his hair. Familiar with the feeling and understanding of Johnny’s reaction, Jaehyun licks back up to the head and then opens his mouth. He takes Johnny’s dick into his mouth in one go, all the way until it hit the backs of his throat. Jaehyun lets out a shaky exhale, feeling tears prickle the corner of his eyes. Johnny opens his eyes again to look at Jaehyun.

In turn, Jaehyun begins to move his head, lips wrapped around Johnny’s dick and tongue sliding along the underside of it. He gently holds the base of Johnny’s cock as he works to suck him off, eventually moving his hand to fondle his balls.

Johnny’s hand tighten in Jaehyun’s hair and he knows this means he’s not going to last much longer. This only fuels Jaehyun’s desire and he relaxes his jaw and deepthroats Johnny again, whining low. The vibrations cause Johnny to buck his lips a little and it’s just enough that Jaehyun chokes a little on his dick.

Jaehyun can’t help but reach down and unbutton his pants to relieve some of the pressure on his own dick. He rubs himself as he pulls off of Johnny’s cock to breathe, then he does it again, this time pleading with his eyes for Johnny to fuck his mouth. Johnny obeys immediately and starts thrusting his hips. Jaehyun does his best not to gag, thin, hot tears running down his cheeks.

He groans around Johnny’s cock and Johnny tugs at his hair a little roughly.

“ _Jaehyun—”_ Johnny chokes out in warning. Jaehyun pulls his mouth off of Johnny’s dick and begins to stroke him quickly. The face Johnny makes when he comes is so beautiful, and Jaehyun missed it _so much._ The sight of it goes straight to Jaehyun’s dick and his eyes shut tightly as he spills into his underwear not even a second later.

For a moment, the only sound is their labored breathing. Belatedly, Jaehyun realizes there’s come on his face and he licks off what’s on his lips and uses his shirt to wipe off the remainder. He looks up at Johnny who is staring at him a little warily.

“I came in my pants,” Jaehyun says. They stare at each other for a solid few seconds before breaking out into laughter. It’s such a genuine moment that Jaehyun feels a lightness in his chest. Jaehyun gets up and plops back down on the couch, leaning against Johnny a little. His eyes wander to the camera and he feels his throat close up a little.

It was, of course, still rolling.

“Oh,” Johnny says as he stands. He quickly goes to the camera, “Maybe we should take a quick break.”

They finish recording their video once Jaehyun changes into one of Johnny’s hoodies (to hide the hickeys) and track pants with a drawstring (because, well). They play it off as _clumsy Jaehyun spilled his water,_ and pick up where they left off. They use this as inspiration for Johnny’s actual answer to the last question—“I think my heart flutters when I see Jaehyun in my clothes!”—and finish of the last few with ease.

They’re both quiet when they put the equipment away, but this time the silence is more comfortable than the former stiffness. Since this is meant to go on Jaehyun’s channel, he takes the SD card and tucks it away carefully in his wallet.

“Make sure you delete that part of the video clip as soon as you can.”

Jaehyun nods quickly. “Of course. It’ll be the first thing I do. Sorry that uh, it happened, by the way.”

Johnny’s demeanor relaxes a little as he hands Jaehyun his bag.

“It’s fine,” Johnny says with a slight shrug, “It isn’t really the first time we’ve had to cut out footage due to our intimacy.”

Jaehyun simply nods in response. The fact that this incident is a little more severe than body shots or extra flirty conversations, really does go without saying.

“I’m sorry that you can’t stay longer,” Johnny says after the beat of silence, “Are you sure you don’t want to come with Ten and I to dinner? He said he was going to bring his boyfriend along, so it’s not like it would be awkward or anything.”

“No, it's okay,” Jaehyun says while shaking his head, “I did want to talk to you though. About us and um, what happened. At Christmas, I mean.”

Johnny is quiet for a moment as he leads Jaehyun to the door.

“How about tomorrow?” Johnny asks, “I’ll probably stay at Ten’s tonight because he wants to do breakfast too, but maybe afterwards? I plan not to do much else but just relax before my party. Maybe we could work on a little bit the video together if there’s still time, too.”

Jaehyun nods quickly.

“Yes! I can do that. Let me know when you're back here and I can head over.”

After coming to an agreement they say their goodbyes with an awkward hug and Jaehyun leaves with hope continuing to build in his chest.

Once Jaehyun gets back to his hotel, he realizes that he is far too wired to nap like he initially wanted to do. Instead, he decides to pull out his laptop to start splitting up the footage into clips while he sips on some red wine.

True to his promise, he quickly locates the moment of his and Johnny’s, um, accident. He deletes it quickly, but not before stripping and saving the audio under an inconspicuous title in the edit file. He places it into one of his audio folders and makes a mental note not to forget where he put it. While he didn’t have any desire to watch what they did, he figures it wouldn’t hurt to keep an audio of Johnny’s moans—especially when he was the one to cause it.

After that, he cuts up the rest of the video into rough clips and starts placing them onto the editor’s timeline to create a first rough draft of the final video. It doesn’t take him long before he gets bored. Jaehyun eventually decides to do an instagram live. Once has his phone set up with a selfie stick, he starts and explains that he’s currently working on a special video and just wants to chat with viewers while he waits.

The response is over all great, and Jaehyun feels very comfortable with the attention he gets from doing this. The viewers begin to ask about the contents of the video and the moment Jaehyun mentions that he filmed with someone who was a February birthday boy—they easily conclude the person is Johnny.

“You guys are so intuitive,” he says into his phone before looking back at his computer. He works for a few moments in silence, beginning to insert plain graphics to the moments where they read the question out loud. With a glance at his phone again, he catches one of the requests that keeps appearing.

“Ah, you guys want a sneak peak?” He smirks a little at his phone at the viewer’s reactions, then looks through his audio clips. “Hm, maybe I can play an audio clip.”

He takes a quick sip of his wine and selects one inside his ‘questions’ folder. He turns up the volume a little and Johnny’s voice rings out as he asks a question about what song best describes each other. With a glance back to his phone, he grins at the comments popping up.

“Yeah, you guys have guessed somewhat,” Jaehyun says, “We are answering some questions about each other.” He laughs a little at the comments, then works through another few minutes of quiet editing, humming to some music he had put on in the background.

Another glance at the comments and he’s laughing again.

“You want to know our answers to that question? You’ll have to watch our video once it’s out to find those answers. But I guess I can play you another question huh?”

After reading several excited comments he grin and clicks back into his questions folder.

He selects one at random and smiles at the camera as it begins to play.

Only this time, instead of Johnny or Jaehyun asking a question, comes a questionable slurping sound and a very Johnny-like moan that follows.

Jaehyun’s eyes widen and he’s quick to pause the clip, cheeks heating up at the realization of what he just did. He chances a glance at the comments—

_WAS THAT PORN ??_

_THAT WAS SO PORN_

_AHSSJJ JAEHYUN????_

—are some of the comments that rapidly appear on his phone screen. It brings only a temporary feeling of relief at no one mentioning that it sounded like Johnny’s moans. Which, how would they know anyways? Jaehyun lets out a shaking laugh, not looking at his camera.

“Ah, seems that I entered the wrong folder for that one, oops,” Jaehyun says, glad the Instalive only shows his face and not his laptop screen, “Maybe drinking wine while doing this wasn’t the best idea, ha.” He says a couple more things and few goodbyes, then shuts off the live feed and grabs his phone.

Jaehyun quickly opens up his iMessage thread with Johnny and types out a message.

_i accidentally did something_

Once he sends the message he opens up his twitter feed, and of course their fan community is going haywire. The majority of them are freaking out over Jaehyun playing audio from a porn clip, but there is a select view who _swear_ that was Johnny, and others even arguing it was Jaehyun himself. Regardless, no one seemed to be really sure what exactly happened but it sure was causing a _bit_ of a fuss.

What’s worse is that some people had been screen recording Jaehyun’s Live and he could see video clips being posted in his mentions.

Jaehyun begins to feel uneasy. As the minutes go by, some of his friends send him a few messages in regards to it, but none of them are from Johnny. He decides to send another text.

_it was an accident, johnny_

_i don’t know if you saw but i accidentally played a little bit of some audio._

_it was just a few seconds and most people think i played a porn clip by mistake._

Still no answer.

_i’m sorry._

He saves his work one last time before shutting his laptop. The night was still early but all he wanted to do now was sleep, so he decides to start getting ready for bed. His phones pings a few times for a couple more messages from people who aren’t Johnny, so he sets his phone down while he prepares for bed.

It’s not a long process, since he stays in Johnny’s clothes. After he washes his face, he crawls into bed and grabs his phone again after turning out the lamp light.

Jaehyun opens up his messages to clear the notifications. He feels bad for leaving some of them, like Jungwoo or Yuta, on read, but he really was not in the mood to speak to anyone other than the one who’s also most affected by this new incident—even if they were just wanting to check on him.

He’s just about to lock his phone, when he gets a notification from the last person he’d expect. Jaehyun opens the message from Ten and reads it immediately, his heart sinking further and further down after reading each word.

_Hey I think it’d be best if you stop texting Johnny for now. He’s very upset and a little angry about what happened. While he knows you both are at fault for letting the camera roll while you fooled around, he trusted that YOU would delete the content IMMEDIATELY and you didn’t. So that’s on you. I don’t care if it was an accident, it’s pretty fucked up that you played something while live broadcasting. So. For the love of god PLEASE just leave Johnny alone. He was already hurting enough before you guys fooled around, and now he’s once again realizing his mistakes. Consider this you being un-invited from his party. It’ll be better for everyone this way._

Jaehyun doesn’t bother replying to Ten, just like everyone else. He never gets his reply from Johnny, and he doesn’t see him active on any social media for the remainder of the night. Ultimately, Jaehyun begrudgingly heeds Ten’s suggestions. On the morning of Johnny’s birthday, he foregoes sending any more texts to him and books the first flight he can back to the U.S.

He knows, especially now, they _really_ need to talk. But now that Johnny’s once again the one going radio silent, his will to try has dwindled down to nothing. And for now, all he can do is march forward.

 


	5. promise you it's worth it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to everyone that has been following this story—THANK YOU. <3

_DECEMBER, 3 YEARS AGO_

 

“Thanks again, John,” Hansol says sheepishly once they’re inside the car. 

Johnny shrugs his shoulders, staring at the small gift box in his hand, his thumb brushing over the paper before setting it in the center console so he could rub his hands together. Being gloveless in a light snow drizzle made the walk from Gong Myung’s house, to Hansol’s car a bit miserable.

“No biggy,” he replies as Hansol starts the car, “I know you would do the same for me.”

Hansol smiles at him gratefully and starts driving off the Kim’s property and onto the secluded roadway. 

“Yeah. I didn’t think they would be so...affectionate. I mean, we broke up barely a month ago.” 

Johnny thinks back to their night at the Kim’s home. Hansol’s ex and her new boyfriend didn’t do anything other than modest hand holding. Then again, Johnny wasn’t a scorned lover—he’d only had one girlfriend in the entirety of his adolescents so far, and he wasn’t the one who came out of that relationship with a broken heart—needless to say, Johnny had no experiences to relate to this situation. 

“Yeah, I’m sure that was tough,” Johnny replies eventually, honest sympathy coloring his facial expression. 

“It was—I thought everything was fine,” Hansol says with a sniff, and not for the first time either. Everything wasn’t fine. Johnny remembers Hansol spent as much time with his ex as he did flirting with other people. Luna had even caught him kissing some junior class dude during homecoming and Hansol insisted it was just on a dare. While Hansol was just a natural _flirt with anything that breathes,_ this was very much one of those _you don’t know what you have until it’s gone_ situations. And who was Johnny to bring it up before Hansol’s ready to hear it?

“I’m sure someone better will come along soon,” Johnny says instead. Hansol seems to ponder that for a moment. 

“I suppose you’re right. You know, Jaehyun has been looking pretty good ever since he started working out with the basketball team. Doesn’t he turn seventeen in February? And he’s never had a girlfriend, has he? I wonder what his deal is?” 

Johnny lets Hansol’s words sink in and they don’t settle well with him. It prickles uncomfortably beneath his skin. When Johnny doesn’t say anything, Hansol tries to press a little further. 

“I mean, you are his best friend, aren’t you? So you must know something.” 

“Uh, I’m not sure, actually,” Johnny says. Not that he would tell Hansol anything if he did know. Obviously if Jaehyun did have a preference for guys, it wasn’t something he was open about and therefore, it wasn’t Johnny’s place to say. 

Hansol looks like he’s about to say something else, but then all of a sudden the car lurches nastily on Johnny’s side and the ride becomes incredibly bumpy. 

“Fuck!” Hansol swears, slowing down the vehicle and making his way off the road and to the service lane, “I think that was a tire.” 

Once they’ve come to a complete stop, both of them get out of the car. As Hansol predicted, his front passenger tire was completely shredded to the rim. Unfortunately for them, they were on one of the more secluded rural highways and neither had any inkling on how to change a tire, so minutes later they’re both on the phone—Hansol with emergency roadside service and Johnny with his mother. With the incident at present, he knew that their night was over. Ultimately, his mother tells him to get an Uber because her and his father’s night still wasn’t. 

Fortunately, Johnny’s Uber and emergency roadside service arrive around the same time. Hansol waves him off before he can insist on waiting until the tire is fixed, so Johnny goes home. It’s not until much later that he realizes he left Jaehyun’s gift in Hansol’s car. Johnny doesn’t bother messaging Hansol about it, because he knows there won’t be any time for him to pick it up until after New Year’s, anyway. 

The next day, he’s off to Chicago with his family and the gift gets pushed out of his mind. He wishes ‘Happy Holidays!!’ in a couple group chats, but doesn’t really text anyone individually because spending time with his extended family fills up the majority of his time. 

They don’t end up coming back from Chicago until the day before the new semester begins. His teachers show no mercy and Johnny is slammed with heavy coursework that he struggles to keep the deadlines for. His social life suffers quite a bit, especially with friends he didn’t share a class with. Before he knows it, his 18th birthday breezes by and all he can manage between his extracurriculars is a dinner with his closest friends. Jaehyun’s missing presence is noticed, but Johnny doesn’t think too much of it because the JV basketball team had made it to playoffs, and though Jaehyun didn’t necessarily get much play time, he was still required as a team member to attend all of the practices. 

Jaehyun’s gift, all but expelled from Johnny’s struggling brain, doesn’t come to mind until Hansol comes over one evening before a party.  It gets tossed onto Johnny’s bed without any indication of what it is. Johnny stares at the small box in confusion for a moment before he remembers it. 

He can’t help the smile that plasters his face as he lays on his stomach to grab it. Jaehyun had taken such care to wrap it so neatly and tightly—the ribbon was still wrapped around it. He makes a mental note to text him about this while be begins to unwrap it. Underneath the wrapping is a tiny, navy box. Interest peaked, Johnny lifts the lid and reveals a delicate, golden chain. It faintly sets off a memory of them late August, just before school started. 

They were at the mall, killing time after attending a suit fitting at Neiman’s—for a November wedding that was ultimately called off. Remembering his mother’s upcoming birthday, they ended up browsing through one of the jewelry stores. There must have been something intimate about their demeanor, paired with the large Burberry shopping bags in their hands, that the employee felt compelled to show them a variety of couples jewelry. It amused Johnny, but when he saw Jaehyun’s reddening ears paired with a panicked look on his face, he ended up letting the salesperson know his actual reason for coming into the shop. 

Not much else happened after that, but he does remember making an offhand comment about how he preferred something more simple than what the salesperson was trying to sell them. Something that was subtle and not too flashy, that you could wear all the time. He did remember eyeing a set of golden bracelet, but never said anything about. 

Johnny carefully picks up the bracelet from the box and notices a piece of paper neatly folded underneath it. He gets a funny feeling in his chest as he unfolds it, thinking back to Hansol’s question the night of the gift exchange. 

It’s simple and to the point, Jaehyun’s note. It’s something that’s very much him and also a little confusing. Was this meant to be a joke, or was it a real confession? They definitely spent a lot of time together last summer and fall, and probably still would have been hanging out just as much if it weren’t for their busy school schedules and extracurriculars. 

Johnny carefully puts the note back in the box along with the bracelet. He’s grateful that Hansol was still working on his hair because he was sure that his emotions were very much written all over his face. His stomach bubbles with nerves at the thought of having to reject Jaehyun. 

It’s not that Johnny had anything against the possibility of one of his best friend being gay—what with Hansol’s ‘no preference’, preference he declared the moment that kind of thing seemed to matter. He just knows that Jaehyun is someone who keeps his heart in his chest and not on his sleeve, and would rather suffer in silence than become a burden to anyone else. 

The sinking feeling becomes an anchor weight the longer he dwells on the thought. If this was a confession, then that would mean he would have been mulling over it for a while. 

“Man, you look like that one time Gong Myung told you he accidentally broke one of your cameras. Not a good party face.” 

And just like that, Johnny is pulled away from his worries and to a party hosted by a senior cheerleader, Krystal, and her little sister Wendy. Everything was decorated in sickening pink and read lights. The hosts in questions had heart sequins on their cheeks. It was a detail that stuck in his mind, because while he never really interacted with Wendy, she wasn’t someone he’d easily forget after tonight. 

For the next time he sees her heart sequined face, Jaehyun’s doing body shots off of her. It’s a sight he can’t stand to see for longer than the single shocking second that brings an unfamiliar feeling to Johnny’s chest. 

At the very least, it confirmed for him that Jaehyun’s gift wasn’t meant to be anything serious. Johnny feels a little stupid for even considering otherwise. 

But the realization ends up being a turning point for Johnny—because when he feels a sadness creep into his soul, he can’t help but start to see Jaehyun differently. It’s that moment, really, that Johnny begins to see a lot of his life differently. 

Not a lot of people can recall the moment they realized their blooming affection for a person, but for Johnny, it’s something that will always burn so clearly in his memory. 

▷▷▷

 _PRESENT DAY, MAY_  

 

Jaehyun had never felt so sunken into the earth, it was like the block weighing down his heart had turned to lead and dragged him down to the coldest depths of the ocean. 

His final  _i’m sorry_ text remained unanswered and the last interaction Johnny has with Jaehyun online is him sharing their ‘Brofriend Tag’ video. From that point on, it’s radio silence. 

Jaehyun’s days begin to blur together. He knows the videos he’s been posting lately are lackluster, but where he used to have the constant desire to go out and do things, no matter how simple, he finds himself less than enthused. The weight of his camera becomes an uncomfortable burden. Where he used to struggle putting the week’s worth of video content into a single video, he now struggles to fill even 5 minutes of content. 

He hadn’t been back to Korea since February and had mostly stopped interacting with other YouTubers on social media. As the March snow melted into April, and April rained into May, his social media presence dwindled down to nothing, save for the weekly YouTube video. Yuta and Jungwoo messaged him from time to time just to check in, but Jaehyun always insisted that he was fine—that— _I’m just trying to live life offline_ —and that was enough for them to let him be. 

They, at least, didn’t have contact with his local friends to verify that. There was really only one person who seemed even subtly worried about Jaehyun, and that was just his brother. Jaehyun felt a bit bad actually, because his little brother was in his last year of high school and thus pretty busy, yet he still found time on the weekends to be with Jaehyun, rather than hanging out with his own friends. 

In the same vein, though, Jaehyun was very grateful because it least gave him something worth filming and his viewers quickly grew fond of his younger brother’s appearances. 

And today, they were going to an opening of a new restaurant that Jaemin has been really excited to try. In the meantime, Jaehyun wasn’t doing much of anything but stare at his empty fish tank while his mellow Spotify playlist blasted through his portable speaker. 

Initially, he had planned to buy another fish, was even preparing to vlog the trip to the store, but he never got around to it. It was a little amusing to Jaehyun, that though no fish has lived in the tank for a couple months, the housekeepers still made sure it was kept clean and decorated. For most of April, it donned bunny stickers and had stone eggs in the water. For May, they stuck flower decals to the outside of the tank. 

It’s another solid hour before time finally allows Jaehyun to leave to pick up Jaemin. Like many other times recently, he’s eager to get behind the wheel. Whereas before he always preferred to have other friends or Uber drive him around, he had recently developed a preference for driving himself. Maybe it had initially stemmed from being terrified of Jaemin’s driving, but he still found it a bit therapeutic. 

He shoots Jaemin a quick text that he was on his way to pick him up, then begins the drive to the Kims. It’s a peaceful drive on the mostly empty rural highways before he’s pulling into their neighborhood and onto the property. Jaehyun sends Jaemin another text indicating that he’s here and then waits. 

When Jaehyun gets through another song on his playlist, his patience wanes and he gets out of the car to walk up to the front doors. 

To his surprise, when he rings the doorbell and someone answers, it’s neither Jeno nor a worker. 

“Doyoung,” Jaehyun says, “You’re here.” 

“It’s my house,” he replies flatly. 

“Is Jaemin here?” Jaehyun asks, having no energy to reply with anything snarky. 

“He’s probably still at the movies with Jeno,” Doyoung answers before turning away, “If you want to wait inside, I don’t care.” 

Jaehyun ignores his tone and chooses to follow him in. Doyoung leads him into their kitchen. Jaehyun does his best to not think about the last time he had stepped foot in his kitchen—about the party last summer. The memory burns Jaehyun’s ears and he avoids Doyoung’s eyes on him as he leans against the counter. 

After a moment, Doyoung pays him no mind and Jaehyun can see him in his peripheral beginning to mix things in a bowl. 

“Are you making a cake?” Jaehyun asks. 

“Yes.” 

“What for?” 

“My mother’s birthday is tomorrow.” 

“Oh, is Jungwoo here too?” 

Doyoung stops his mixings to look at Jaehyun, clearly annoyed, “No, but you would know that if you would actually talk to him.” 

The remark makes Jaehyun freeze him and he becomes unsure of how to respond. Instead, he just looks at his phone. There’s still no messages from Jaemin and he can’t help the frustrated sigh that leaves his lips. 

“They went to the movies for their date. They’re probably still in it and why you haven’t heard anything from Jaemin.” 

Jaehyun gives him a startled look, eyes wide, “Date?” 

Doyoung is quiet for a moment as he puts his cake batter into the oven. Jaehyun tries to speak, but Doyoung shushes him. Once he has a timer set, he props himself up onto the countertops and looks at Jaehyun. 

“Do you, by any chance, know why we don’t get along, Jaehyun?”

Jaehyun thinks back to the time he accidentally ran over Doyoung’s plastic slinky with his tricycle when they were about 4 and 5 and as a result, Doyoung shoved Jaehyun’s face into his own sandbox. He feels like that isn’t the answer Doyoung is looking for, so he just looks at him expectantly. 

Doyoung sighs. 

“It’s because you never see anything, but I notice everything.” So maybe Jaehyun wasn’t that far off in the end. “For example, I’ve noticed that my younger brother has been dating his best friend since probably Christmas.” 

Jaehyun lets his words settle for a bit. On one hand, he feels a little bad that he never noticed. But also, in his defence, Jaemin was literally with the Kims for Christmas so of course Doyoung saw more intimate moments between them. And well, after the holidays, Jaehyun clearly was going through his own share of troubles. Besides, it wasn’t like Jaemin ever said anything himself. 

“I also know,” Doyoung says, “That you have liked Johnny for a long time—years even.” Jaehyun feels his heart jump down to his stomach. “Even when you and Jungwoo had your _thing_ in high school. When you had his heart and broke it, he had mine, you know.” 

Jaehyun didn’t know that. Jungwoo never explicitly said anything about feelings or wanting anything more than what they had. Not even recently when they finally started talking again. Was it obvious? _Should_ Jaehyun have noticed? He starts to feel that familiar set of panic bubble up to his throat. There’s an onslaught of ringing in his ears as he tries to think this through. 

He knows Doyoung is saying something, but it’s far too muffled on Jaehyun’s ears for him to understand. Why didn’t Jungwoo tell him? Why didn’t Jaemin tell him anything either? Or is it that they both _had_ tried to tell him, but he was far too into his own mind to notice anything? How does Jungwoo not hate him? Same with his brother, is that why he hadn’t messaged him? Did he finally have enough with Jaehyun’s obliviousness and selfishness? 

“Jaehyun.” Doyoung’s voice is firm and loud enough that it finally pulls him out of his head. Belatedly, he realizes that it’s because Doyoung’s standing super close to him now—not too close for comfort, but enough that it anchors him back into reality. Their eyes meet for a moment and he sees actual concern in Doyoung’s eyes—which isn’t something he’s ever seen directed to him before. Jaehyun takes a few steadying breaths, suddenly feeling a little embarrassed. 

“Sorry,” he finally says, eyes averted to the ground. Doyoung sighs again, but this time it’s soft and void of any frustrations. 

“Jungwoo and I are fine, you know.” Doyoung begins, “It may have taken us a while, but we got here eventually, and I wouldn’t change anything about our journey together, no matter how trying it may have been.” 

It’s weird to hear such a sentiment from Doyoung, but he finds comfort in it nonetheless.  

He carefully looks at Doyoung, who meets his stare right away. The usual coldness reserved just for Jaehyun is gone. Regardless, Jaehyun can’t hold his gaze too long and eventually looks away again. 

“So you and Jungwoo love each other?” 

“We do,” Doyoung says softly. Jaehyun can feel the tenderness and smile on Doyoung’s face before he sees it. He thinks back to when he stayed with Jungwoo back in January. Through whatever journey he and Doyoung went through, their love for each other was strong as it was genuine. 

It makes Jaehyun’s heart ache in something not quite, but adjacent to jealousy. 

“I love Johnny.” 

Jaehyun knows the power of saying words out loud. As a content creator, he knows the impact of a single sentence, but he also knows that words are just that: words. In spite of how much they can hurt or the storm and aftermath they can create, the world keeps turning and time keeps marching forward. 

It’s the first time he’s ever admitted his love for Johnny out loud and nothing happens. They don’t hang in the air or float to Johnny’s ears on the other side of the world. It’s a measly sentence digested by two acquaintances, but at the very least, the block in Jaehyun’s chest begins to shake loose. 

“He loves you too, you know.” Doyoung says after a moment. 

“I know.” Jaehyun replies because he does know. Looking back at the past year and miscommunications, he knows that it must be true. “I know he does, but I know he doesn’t want to. I’ve hurt him too much.” 

The words are heavy on his tongue and the admission prickles his heart. 

Doyoung is quiet for a moment, and then he releases a long sigh.

“But you never did it intentionally, right? You never went out of your way to hurt him, Jaehyun. Isn’t that correct?” 

Jaehyun nods. 

“Then,” Doyoung begins again when Jaehyun doesn’t say anything out loud, “you should talk to him. He’s hurt because of what I’m sure is a miscommunication, and it’ll only continue to hurt him if you don’t try to clear the air. Both of you deserve that, at the very least.” 

Jaehyun digests Doyoung’s words easily. They’re of sound logic and Jaehyun can’t really think of any rebuking statements to them. 

“I guess you’re right,” Jaehyun says after a moment, “But I doubt he has plans to come home any time soon.” 

Doyoung rolls his eyes before giving Jaehyun a pointed look, “Okay, and what, you can’t fly to him? Don’t speak as if you don’t have the means to.” 

Jaehyun can feel his ears flush. Doyoung did have a point, however he couldn’t exactly picture himself flying to Korea, alone, staying at a hotel, alone, and somehow pluck up the courage to go to Johnny’s, alone. 

“Look,” Doyoung begins, pulling Jaehyun out of his spiraling thoughts once more, “I’m heading back to Seoul on Wednesday and Jungwoo and I are moving into a larger apartment. You should come and help with the move.”  

“Why don’t you just hire movers?” he can’t help but ask, “I mean, uh, congratulations?” 

“Of course we’re hiring movers, Jaehyun,” Doyoung snaps, “You can help with the unpacking, rearranging, or just be a cheerleader, I don’t care. But it gives you a reason to be in Seoul, c’mon Jaehyun, use your brain.” 

Oh, right. Jaehyun rubs the back of his neck in embarrassment of his own idiocy and nods in agreement. 

“Of course. You can, um. Count on me then.” 

“Good. I’ll text you the flight details so you can book your ticket.” 

Jaehyun agrees and after that they fall into silence. It’s still awkward, but the tension is mostly dissipated from the air and he doesn’t mind watching Doyoung prepare icing for his mother’s cake. Eventually Jaemin texts him back, apologizing that he only just got out of the movie. Jaehyun calls him and offers to meet him and Jeno at their planned restaurant. He can tell Jaemin is surprised at Jaehyun’s inclusion of Jeno, but he quickly agrees. 

After a short goodbye to Doyoung, Jaehyun swiftly leaves to meet his brother and his boyfriend. Dinner goes just about as smooth as it was hanging out with Doyoung, but Jaehyun can see how happy Jaemin is around Jeno. Once it’s over, after they’ve dropped Jeno off, Jaemin even admits that they’re boyfriends and Jaehyun’s blooming smile is completely genuine as he explains his happiness for them. 

That night, the tired weight in his bones and heart is still there, but this time when he sleeps, he can feel the smallest flower of hope attempting to bloom once again. 

▷▷▷

The flight to Seoul, per usual was an exhausting one. Anxiety gnawed at every crevice of Jaehyun’s mind, only dormant whenever he managed to fall in and out of sleep. And even then, Jaehyun kept having a weird, continuous dream that he was stuck at some red painted, wooden house with an overgrown garden. It was weird and he could only remember flashes of it, perhaps where he was some viewer watching the movie of his and Johnny’s life in said wooden house. 

It definitely wasn’t to his or Johnny’s taste, but he felt it was rather a version of themselves he was watching. Once he was finally awake for good, the exhaustion still weighed heavily in his bones, but felt as if the sporadic dream left a comfortable blanket around his mind and soul. 

Once they arrive to Jungwoo’s apartment, Jaehyun expects it to be a weird atmosphere, but it ends up being anything but. Jungwoo is genuinely kind and friendly like Jaehyun hasn’t been ignoring him for the last few months. 

It makes Jaehyun feel a little guilty, but he provides Jungwoo with plenty of unspoken apologies through a once again rekindled friendship. And then of course, Jaehyun was a very obedient set of muscles in the couple’s new apartment, arranging, and rearranging their furniture for two solid days until primarily Jungwoo was finally satisfied. 

He spent the better part of the week just hanging out with Jungwoo and Doyoung, and eventually even Yuta. Once again, Jaehyun was surprised how quickly their friendship had picked up again, as if he had only ghosted him for a weekend instead of months. Granted, Yuta was a little miffed at first, but Jaehyun found himself opening up to Yuta in explanation and he quickly changed his tune. Along with Jungwoo and Doyoung, Yuta was also in favor of Jaehyun talking to Johnny. 

It was a bit overwhelming for Jaehyun, being so honest about his feelings with his friends and having them voice their supportive opinions. Jaehyun was sure he was stepping into a new level of his life with this development and he hoped it was for the better. 

Now all he had to do was actually talk to Johnny. Which is how he found himself seatbelted in the back of Doyoung’s car on a Monday night. 

“They know you’re here,” Jungwoo says, turning around in the passenger seat to look at Jaehyun.

“‘They’? Wait, what?” Jaehyun replies, nerves shooting into his throat and making it feel constricted. 

“Ten is there,” Doyoung says, parking alongside the curb before also looking back to Jaehyun, “Did we forget to tell you?” Jaehyun is sure that forget is the wrong word, but he chooses to not voice this. 

“Should I just wait for Ten to leave?” he asks, even though he knows the answer. 

He now definitely regrets asking Doyoung to drive him to Johnny’s flat. 

“No,” is Doyoung’s reply at the same time Jungwoo says ‘Sorry Jaehyun.’ “Jungwoo and I are having our date night, and you’re not invited. So no offense, but get out.” Jaehyun pouts for a moment, then sighs and gets out of the car. The moment he steps onto the sidewalk and shuts the door, Jungwoo’s window rolls down. 

“But if we do need to come and get you, please don’t hesitate to call us, okay?” Jungwoo says sincerely. Jaehyun only nods and gives a weak smile before mumbling a goodbye and walking into the building. 

Jaehyun reaches Johnny’s floor far quicker than his mind had anticipated. When the elevator doors open, Jaehyun nearly jumps out of his skin when he stands face to face with Ten the moment he steps into the hallway.

“You’re lucky that was me and not another resident,” Jaehyun mumbles, rubbing his chest as if it would soothe his quick beating heart. He tries to walk to Johnny’s apartment door, but Ten once again stands in front of him. 

“Now, tell me why I should let you talk with Johnny?” Ten says. Jaehyun has to look down to meet Ten’s gaze but he’s still a little terrified of the sharp look he’s given.  

“I—,” he starts, then pauses trying to quickly think of what to say, “He’s my friend, too, Ten. Do I really have to explain anything to you?” 

“Actually, yeah,” Ten says, “Johnny’s told me a lot of things about you and your relationship. So I’d like to know what you plan to do with Johnny if I let you go in there—because if you’re here to break his heart again or suck his dick, you’re gonna have to turn right back around and get out of here.” 

Jaehyun feels his face flush and hot anger flash through his body before settling into humiliation. Why did Ten of all people have to be the person that Johnny confides in?

“I’m not here to do either,” Jaehyun says calmly, eyeing Johnny’s door. 

“You’re here to apologize then?” 

Jaehyun resists the urge to shove Ten aside and says instead, “I just want to talk to him. We have a lot of...things to go over.” 

“And to apologize.” 

“Yeah, maybe,” Jaehyun snaps, irritation growing, “But I also want him to know my side of everything, and for him to see that I’m not the only one at fault. I know you don’t like me, Ten, but I don’t actively try to be the bad guy, you know.” 

To that, Ten is silent, regarding Jaehyun with a harsh stare that this time Jaehyun doesn’t look away from. Finally, Ten steps aside. 

“You can speak to him, but just know—”

“Yeah, got it,” Jaehyun says, moving past him without sparing another glance and knocks on Johnny’s door before he’s entering the keycode and walking inside. The moment he’s through the threshold, Jaehyun feels his nerves shoot up and seep through his skin. To his right, he sees Johnny sitting cross legged on the bottom bed, laptop in front of him and eyes trained to the screen. Jaehyun can tell from the set of his jaw that he’s not paying any attention to what’s on the screen. Jaehyun toes off his shoes and sets his bags down in the kitchen before he speaks. 

“You sure tell Ten everything, don’t  you?” He only half regrets the words when Johnny gives him a look, but it also meant that Johnny was finally acknowledging him.  

“He’s a good friend to me,” Johnny says, “I know you don’t really like him, but he’d do anything for me.”

“Yeah, that I’ve gathered,” Jaehyun says, “He’s not exactly pleasant when he thinks you’ve wronged his friends.”

Johnny doesn’t reply so Jaehyun figures he should just dive right into the reason he came. 

“So, you’re probably wondering why I’m here.” Jaehyun says and hates how awkward the words sound on his lips. 

“I heard Jungwoo and Doyoung moved this week and you were helping them.”

“Oh. Well, yeah, that’s one of the reasons I’m in Seoul, but I mean here specifically. Right now.” 

Johnny looks at Jaehyun again, “I don’t know, but I also don’t really care.” 

Jaehyun feels his heart break beneath his ribcage.  

“You don’t care?” he repeats as a question, but Johnny doesn’t reply and instead looks back to his laptop and appears to be working again. 

“Johnny,” Jaehyun tries again, but Johnny continues to not look at him, making a show of not responding to him, even trying to smile at whatever he’s looking at on his laptop screen. 

A small stream of tears are hot against Jaehyun’s cheeks before he realizes that he’s crying. 

“How—how can you even say that to me?” Jaehyun starts and the shake in his voice is enough that it startles Johnny, and only then is his attention back on him. Jaehyun finds it humiliating. 

“Jaehyun—” Johnny starts but Jaehyun doesn’t give him a chance to say anything else. 

“After all we’ve been through, you won’t even give me a chance to speak? How can you treat me like this, when I have been in love with you for _years_?” 

Jaehyun had always envisioned that his second love confession would have been more impactful and to someone who would instantly be able to reciprocate the words. Yet there he stood, confessing to the same person he tried to tell the first time. Only this time, the words are said out loud and instead of staying in the air and swelling the atmosphere with _love,_ once the confession is out of Jaehyun’s mouth, it's gone—the only remnants being the unreadable look on Johnny’s face. 

“You—”

“No, let me finish, please.” Jaehyun interrupts him once more, pinching the bridge of his nose, willing the feeling of wanting to cry to go away so he can speak clearly. Jaehyun takes a shaky deep breath before he feels comfortable that his voice won’t crack if he continues. “I have loved you for so long, and when I first confessed with the bracelet, you never even responded to me. To top it all off, you stopped hanging out with me as much. Naturally, I could only just take it as a rejection. It hurt a lot in the beginning because I thought that maybe it was because I practically came out to you and you were just straight, and maybe a little homophobic. 

“But—but I was able to get over it, eventually. I guess it helped that you kept leaving the country once you graduated and I only ever found out about it through other friends instead of you. And then the following school year after you graduated I met Jungwoo and, well. Things happened there and then stopped pretty quickly because, I—I couldn’t help but think about what It would have been like if I was with you instead. And I realized that maybe I was just using Jungwoo as a person to experiment on, so it was short-lived. 

“It put me in a bit of a weird slump again but then I started hanging out with Wendy more often again and even went out with her for the better part of a year. Then, when we broke up and I started hanging out more with our friends again, this time you were there a lot too and we got close again. At that time, I figured that I was finally over you, and you seemed to have come to terms with, well, I don’t know, but things felt normal between us again. Fast forward to me starting my channel and you joining in and suddenly we were hanging out literally _all the time._ It didn’t take long for me to realize that maybe I possibly still had feelings for you. 

“But I pushed the thoughts to the back of my mind and refused to think about it because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship again. Things just continued as they were and then Halloween came along, and well. You know what happens after that.” 

Jaehyun takes a moment to take another deep breath, sneaking a quick look at Johnny to see that he’s still staring at Jaehyun very intently. Jaehyun swallows. 

“And then,” he continues, “on Christmas Eve you gave me the photo album with the bracelet—that I initially thought was the one I had gifted you all those years ago. I figured that for you, it was just a weird blip on our friendship that you wanted to document because you’re a photographer and that’s what you do. But for me it was just a painful reminder of the heartbreak I felt and that, in spite of all we had done in the past few months, we were just going to be friends. And, once again, I didn’t want to ruin our friendship again, so I just wanted you to know that I was okay with it—being just friends. I didn’t realize that the bracelet—” Jaehyun looks down, fingers ghosting over the gold chain around his left wrist. He doesn’t see Johnny’s eyes following his fingers. “—was a replica of it, that you had bought to give to me. And then when I wanted to tell you what I belatedly realized…” 

“I had already had it in my mind that you didn’t have any feelings for me and decided to put an end to our _thing,_ ” Johnny finishes softly. Jaehyun can only nod, looking at Johnny once again.

“And then you left me drunk and alone at Ten’s New Year’s party.” 

He notices Johnny visibly wince and avert his eyes away. 

“I’m—I’m sorry about that, but Ten told me that Hendery had it all under control and to just leave. So I did.”  

“Still was a shitty thing to do,” Jaehyun can’t help but say with a pout, crossing his arms and unable to look at Johnny anymore, “You know how I get when I’m alone in unfamiliar places.”  

“I know,” Johnny’s voice is gentle, careful with each word, “And I know that this doesn’t excuse my actions, but I genuinely thought that you were still just trying to hook up with me after having rejected me.” 

Jaehyun can’t help but laugh a little at that, realization hitting him rather suddenly. He looks at Johnny once more and breaks out into full on laughter. Johnny’s clearly startled by it, and Jaehyun can only shake his head until he manages to stop long enough to speak. 

“I’m sorry, it’s not right for me to laugh right now, but it’s kind of ridiculous how quickly everything could have been resolved if we tried to use our words instead of attempting to be lamely romantic.” 

To that, Johnny breaks out into his own genuine smile for the first time of their conversation. 

“You do make a very good point,” he replies. 

“To think,” Jaehyun starts, the smiling slowly fading from his face, “if I would have just told you how I felt as a stupid 16 year old, maybe we could have talked out the awkwardness instead of letting it split us apart for a couple years.” 

Johnny is no longer smiling either when he replies, “About that. Actually…” And so Johnny tells him about _his_ point of view back then—about Hansol’s car, about time just getting in the way, and upon the actual gift reveal, being genuinely shocked by the confession and initially feeling bad because he had never thought about Jaehyun in that way. And then about realizing that maybe it was a joke after all when he saw Jaehyun doing body shots off of Wendy at that party (Jaehyun’s ears burn at the memory), and then his thinking more about it and realizing that maybe he could have feelings for Jaehyun after all. 

As both of their stories finally untangle from their webs of confusion and come together in a smooth braid, Jaehyun truly realizes that the pair of them are indefinitely stupid.  

“So, you mean to tell me that both of us have been idiots in love with each other for years?” Jaehyun finally asks, no longer wanting to beat around any more bushes for the remainder of his foolish life. Johnny nods in response, his smile a little sheepish. 

“Seems to be the case,” Johnny says after a moment before he’s sliding off the bed and moving to a set of drawers along the wall with his closet setup. Jaehyun watches Johnny pull something out of it, and when he turns around, he realizes that it’s a small box. 

Jaehyun’s heart skips a beat upon the realization of what it is. Johnny approaches Jaehyun while he opens the box and pulls out the delicate gold bracelet, then holds it out to Jaehyun. For the very beginning of a second, Jaehyun thinks that maybe he really is giving it back to him this time, but then the words are quick on Johnny’s lips. 

“Would you mind helping me put this on?”  

Jaehyun’s heart swells and the box keeping it cold and hidden for so long seems to shatter. He quickly fastens the chain around Johnny’s left wrist and Jaehyun can’t help but admire his wrist next to Johnny’s, the chains resting so perfectly against their skin. 

He grins and once he finally tears his eyes away from them, he realizes that Johnny is doing the same as him. Eventually, Johnny looks at him again, the smile still gracing his lips. For the first time in a while, Jaehyun feels suddenly shy at his gaze and can’t help but look away, a soft blush dusting his cheeks and the tips of his ears. 

“What is it, Jaehyunie?” Johnny asks and Jaehyun feels like he could melt into the ground with the way Johnny is speaking to him again. 

“Is...Are we...We’re okay?” Jaehyun feels stupid for asking, but he wants to be sure—he _has_ to be sure they're okay. 

“I know that we’ve been through a lot,” Johnny says, “And we still have a lot more to talk about, but we established at least one thing, right?” 

Jaehyun nods, but waits for Johnny to say it. He needs to hear Johnny say it. Johnny takes Jaehyun’s hands into his and squeezes them firmly. They look into each other’s eyes and Jaehyun can’t help but feel calmed at the ocean’s depth of sincerity in Johnny’s eyes. 

“After everything that has been said or done, you still love me, Jaehyun. And of course, I still love you.” 

He was waiting for it, but the admission still takes Jaehyun’s breath away. Suddenly Jaehyun feels like he’s sixteen again and it feels like the butterflies are trying to fly up to his throat. 

“We—we love each other,” is all Jaehyun can manage to spill out of his mouth as he stands there, eyes wide and hands limply in Johnny’s. 

Johnny’s quiet laugh is soft and warm to Jaehyun’s ears. 

“I know it makes you nervous.” Johnny squeezes Jaehyun’s hands before he leans in and ghost his lips to Jaehyun’s forehead, under his eye, once along his jaw before they’re centimeters away from brushing over Jaehyun’s lips. “I promise you, Jaehyun, it’s worth it. That is, if you’ll stay.” 

This time, Jaehyun is more than happy to answer with his actions than with his words as he closes the tiny gap to kiss Johnny. It’s nothing like their first kiss, but it still feels like _a_ first kiss. They still do have a lot to talk about, but for the first time, they’re able to finally kiss as _lovers._ And for now, it’s enough. 

It starts off tender, with Johnny encompassing Jaehyun in a warm embrace. Jaehyun reciprocates by putting his hands in the familiar place around Johnny’s neck. He’s not sure who deepens the kiss first, but soon enough, Johnny’s tongue is in his mouth and Jaehyun finds himself falling back against the bed. Johnny coaxes him further onto the bed before he brackets his hips and runs his fingers lightly along Jaehyun’s light grey t-shirt. 

Jaehyun stares up at him, slightly breathless and with adoring eyes. Johnny moves his hands to grab both of Jaehyun’s, pressing them against the bed on either side of his head before he leans down to kiss the corner of his mouth. 

“I really have missed you so much, Jaehyunie,” Johnny mumbles as Jaehyun’s eyes close. Jaehyun nods, then lets Johnny kiss him slow and sensual before he replies.

“I know,” Jaehyun says quietly against Johnny’s lips, “Missed you too.” 

He feels Johnny smile before he begins peppering kisses along Jaehyun’s jaw and throat. Jaehyun sighs at the feeling, keeping his hands obediently where Johnny left them when one hand slides under his shirt. He arches into it and a shiver shoots through Jaehyun’s spine at the contact of Johnny’s warm hand sliding up the expanse of his torso and chest. 

Johnny’s soft kisses against Jaehyun’s skin turn more aggressive when he begins to feel suction and tongue licking at a particularly sensitive spot at the base of his neck. A soft whine leaves his throat and a familiar arousal begins to tug at his lower half. 

“Missed your sounds,” Johnny murmurs when he mouths up his neck and to his ear before sitting up. Jaehyun’s eyes open a little just as Johnny’s lifting up his own shirt and pulling it off. Jaehyun unabashedly stares at the plains of Johnny’s softly defined muscles. He gives in to the urge and lets a hand roam along them before pulling Johnny down for another kiss. Johnny keeps it chaste because then his hands are on Jaehyun shirt and he pulls it over his head. 

Jaehyun lets his hands fall back to where Johnny had initially placed them and they stare at each other while Johnny’s hands start to roam over Jaehyun’s bare chest. His breath gets caught in his throat as his thumbs rub over both of his nipples. 

“Missed you like this,” Johnny says while Jaehyun whines, “How you look underneath me, so pliant and willing.” 

Jaehyun’s hips stir a little at the statement and Johnny essentially smirks at him, shifting further back. He spreads Jaehyun’s legs easily so he can settle in between them. Johnny’s quick to pull down his pants. He rubs Jaehyun through the fabric of his boxer briefs, watching carefully for his reaction. 

“Ah—Johnny,” Jaehyun says in a strained voice, unable to stop the way his hips buck at the contact. 

“That’s another thing I missed,” Johnny says, dipping his hand inside to stroke him, “How quickly you come undone for me, already so hard because of me.” 

Jaehyun flushes at Johnny’s words, though more so out of desire than embarrassment. He lets himself thrust into Johnny’s hand. 

“Only for you,” he manages to say, if not a little breathy, “Always for you.” 

To that, Johnny leans over and kisses him again. This time it’s void of any sweetness, their tongues sliding over each other and Johnny swallowing each and every one of Jaehyun’s moans. They kiss like it’s their last time, even though it’s the prelude to the rest of their lives and Jaehyun gets lost in it. He lets his head fall back against the pillows and allows Johnny to leave hickeys wherever he can get his mouth on. Jaehyun moans in appreciation, a hand resting in the fluff of Johnny’s hair as he does so. 

He can feel his arousal building, and with a particular twist of Johnny’s wrist he has to grab Johnny’s hand to stop him. Johnny bites lightly at a spot underneath Jaehyun’s collarbone. 

“Something wrong?” he asks, looking up at Jaehyun with curious eyes. 

Jaehyun shakes his head, combing his fingers through Johnny’s hair. 

“I just wanna come with you inside me,” he says softly, reveling in the way Johnny’s eyes shift at his words, “I’ve missed how you feel when you’re fucking me.” 

Johnny pulls his hands out of Jaehyun’s pants and he almost whines at the loss of touch, but in the next moment, Johnny uses the same hand to grip Jaehyun’s jaw. He directs Jaehyun’s head downward so he can look at him, his thumb pressed to Jaehyun’s bottom lip. Jaehyun tries to stare at Johnny’s hand before finally making eye contact like he was meant to. 

Jaehyun can physically see the way his words have affected Johnny with his wide pupils and red cheeks. He smiles a little as he waits for Johnny to speak. 

Instead of saying anything though, Johnny shifts and stretches off the bed to pull open one the nightstand drawers. Jaehyun turns his head and eyes the bottle of lube appearing in Johnny’s hands. 

“Still have some lube, but we never bought more condoms after we stayed that extra week here after Halloween.” Johnny says, getting ready to put the lube back into the drawer. Jaehyun quickly grabs Johnny’s wrist. 

“That’s fine,” Jaehyun says once Johnny looks at him, “We don’t need them. I haven’t been with anyone else and you haven’t either, right?” 

Johnny nods and then he’s hovering over Jaehyun once more, studying him carefully. 

“Right,” he answers after a moment, “Are you sure about this, though?” He leans down and kisses along Jaehyun’s jaw. “There’s plenty else that we can do.” 

“Please, Johnny,” Jaehyun says, angling his head to he can capture Johnny’s lips in a kiss, “I want to feel you, all of you.” 

They stay like they for a while, just kissing languidly until Johnny’s body gives way and he presses his body against Jaehyun’s. When Jaehyun feels the bulge through Johnny’s pants, he’s reminded of the task at hand. He reaches down and slides his hands into the back of Johnny’s joggers and underwear, squeezes his ass while biting at his lip. 

Johnny seems to get the message and groans before sitting up and removing Jaehyun’s hands from his pants. Jaehyun smiles sweetly, and Johnny seems to take it as a challenge because then he’s pulling Jaehyun’s underwear completely off. Jaehyun’s breath hitches in anticipation as he watches Johnny spread his legs open once again. He stares at Johnny with bated breath as he coats his fingers generously with lube, waiting expectantly for the intrusion that he hasn’t felt in so long. 

What he doesn’t expect when Johnny’s pressing a finger at his rim, is for him to lean down and lick a strip along Jaehyun’s dick. 

He lets out a choked moan when Johnny takes him into his mouth and pushes a finger in simultaneously. Jaehyun can’t even be bothered to watch, getting completely lost in the sensation as Johnny works him open and sucks his dick. He lets his own hands wander shamelessly along his body, his own nails grazing along the purpling skin where Johnny’s mouth left marks. 

The pressure in his gut starts to build quickly and when Johnny has two fingers curling at just the right angle, he quickly reaches to grab Johnny’s hair, trying to pull him off. 

“Johnny—stop—I’m gonna—” he starts, but Johnny only stares at him and hums around Jaehyun’s dick. He continues to thrust his fingers at that dangerous angle before Jaehyun can say anything else, his orgasm is ripped from his body. He moans Johnny’s name as he comes down his throat, hand limply falling from his hair. Johnny swallows everything like the champion that he is before sitting up and pulling his fingers out. Jaehyun whines and clenches at the absence of his fingers, too blissed out to do anything other than watch as Johnny removes the remainder of his clothes. 

Jaehyun eyes Johnny’s hard cock and the way he coats it with a generous amount of lube. He can’t help but lick his own lips and watches with heavy eyes as Johnny strokes himself a few times to spread the lube. His moans already have Jaehyun’s own dick twitching in interest again and he unconsciously spreads his legs a little wider. 

Johnny must notice because there’s an evil smile on his face as he grips one of Jaehyun’s hips, sitting on his knees and getting ready to position himself.

“You like that, don’t you, baby?” Johnny asks, his voice a little rough from having Jaehyun’s dick down his throat, and strained from his self pleasure, “Watching me get myself off right in front of you. Seeing how much you affect me even though you haven’t touched my dick once.” 

Jaehyun nods, biting his lip. Johnny’s words make him want to touch his dick—with his hands, his tongue, anything—he just wants to make him feel good. The only thing preventing him from voicing this out loud is Johnny’s warm hands on his thighs as he hoists him up a little. Jaehyun bends easily where Johnny guides him to and soon enough he feels his dick pressing against his hole.  

He looks up at Johnny, waiting patiently. But Johnny’s slow—so fucking slow, taking time to run his free hand along Jaehyun’s thigh.

“Johnny—” Jaehyun starts to whine, but is cut off by Johnny slowly pushing into him. Jaehyun gasps and grits his teeth as he steadily gets filled by Johnny’s cock. It’s a fullness he hasn’t felt in a long time and it takes him a moment to grab his bearings when Johnny bottoms out. Johnny’s hand finds his as he leans down a little when Jaehyun legs wrap around his hips. Jaehyun lets Johnny place his hands above his head and their lips brush against each other’s when he finally starts to move. 

Jaehyun’s moans grow steadily higher as Johnny thrusts into him, his dick almost to full hardness once again. Johnny changes his angle a little and his dick finally hits where Jaehyun wants it to. His moan is loud and he clenches a little that causes Johnny to groan in response, his movement stuttering slightly as a result. 

“You feel so good around me,” Johnny mumbles against Jaehyun’s jaw as he tries to leave lazy kisses, “So _tight.”_

Jaehyun answers with a whine, his dick starting to leak once more with precome. Johnny notices where Jaehyun’s eyes are averted and starts to move his hand so he can wrap it around his dick—but Jaehyun stops him. Instead, Jaehyun guides Johnny’s hand to his throat and stares at Johnny with desperate eyes. 

“ _Please_ ,” he says, is voice wrecked from his near constant string of high pitched moans and mewls. Johnny nods and sits up a little to get a better grip and change the angle of his thrusts. Jaehyun’s eyes flutter shut as Johnny squeezes just enough that the familiar pressure starts to build. His moans are a lot more strained and breathy and he can start to feel the familiar tug in his gut. Johnny applies slightly more pressure around Jaehyun’s neck. He can feel his head starting to spin and his eyes are slightly crossed when he opens them again. 

Johnny observes this and removes his hand, and this time Jaehyun doesn’t stop him when he wraps his hand around his dick. It doesn’t take but a few more strokes and another hit to Jaehyun’s prostate before he’s spilling into Johnny’s hand and onto his own torso. He clenches hard around Johnny, causing him to moan Jaehyun’s name. His thrusts grow less coordinated as he tries to chase his own orgasm. Through the haze of his own, Jaehyun can tell he’s getting ready to pull out when his hips still. 

He keeps Johnny inside by tightening the grip that his legs have around him and pulls him down for a sloppy kiss.   

“Come inside me, Johnny,” he says, slightly out of breath. The reaction from Johnny is almost instant when he moans and starts thrusting in one, two, three, more times before he finally comes, his face buried in the crook of Jaehyun’s neck. 

For a moment, there’s nothing but the sound of their labored breathing as they come down from their highs. Johnny has already pulled out and Jaehyun winces a little at the feeling of his come already leaking out. But then in the next moment, Johnny just collapses against him and Jaehyun wraps his arms firmly around his neck. 

The air is unforgivably stiff with the heat of sex, but neither make any move to separate from each other. Jaehyun feels Johnny plant a light kiss to his neck before resting a cheek on Jaehyun’s shoulder so they can look at each other. Jaehyun brushes his fingers through Johnny’s hair as they stare into each other’s eyes. 

They should really clean up, what with the drying come between their stomachs and what’s still dripping out of Jaehyun. He should be nudging Johnny out of bed to grab a wet cloth so they can get cleaned up and tie up any loose ends.

But—there’s still a bit of natural sunlight peeking through Johnny’s window and it illuminates his eyes that Jaehyun is sure he can see every single texture of his irises. 

His next words to Johnny feel so natural on his lips, while his arms securely prevent him from getting up. 

“I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” 

▷▷▷

It’s a digital camera, but there’s still a satisfying _click_ as he presses the shutter button, and it’s loud enough that Johnny hears it and turns around. Jaehyun uses this moment to snap another photo. He smiles when he stops walking to look at the photos. The second photo captured the moment before Johnny realizes what he’s doing and Jaehyun wasn’t afraid to admit how stunning his boyfriend looks, even when he isn’t smiling. 

“What are you doing, Jae? We’re already late,” Johnny says, voice a little playful as his expression melts into a smile. He holds out his hand and Jaehyun lets the camera around his neck rest against his chest as he lets go to grab Johnny’s hand. 

“Nothing,” he answers cheekily with a dimpled smile, his fingers lacing through Johnny’s, “It’s a secret, anyway.”

It had only been 2 days since The Talk, but Jaehyun was already making plans for Johnny’s Christmas present. Essentially, it was more or less exactly what Johnny had gifted _him_ last Christmas. Jaehyun’s plans for it were slightly more digital, opting for using his digital and video cameras to create a collage of their life starting from 2 days ago through, well, Christmas. 

The idea came to him rather naturally after the first night. They were lying in bed with nothing but the blanket and each other to keep warm. Johnny wouldn’t stop wrapping his arms around Jaehyun, and kept kissing any part of his face he could manage. Jaehyun had jokingly told Johnny to just take a picture if he was so obsessed with his face, but then he ended up doing just that, taking dozens of silly couple selfies with him. 

Later on, when Johnny had finally nodded off, Jaehyun was browsing through the photos he made Johnny send him. He couldn’t help but think how perfect the pictures were. Jaehyun’s idea to document their new start only blossomed from there. Wanting to capture both their most intimate and open moments, he did so freely because in the end, the gift would be for his and Johnny’s eyes only. 

If Johnny had any indication of what Jaehyun’s plans were, he didn’t let on, nor did he seem to have any qualms of Jaehyun’s constant picture taking or video capturing. And really, they were still YouTubers, after all. 

These thoughts make Jaehyun smile and he squeezes Johnny’s hand affectionately as they arrive at their destination that was only a few blocks away from Johnny’s flat. They walk into the restaurant in silence, Johnny content to let Jaehyun get lost in his own head while their hands swing sweetly between them. 

Johnny immediately spots Ten and his boyfriend and waves at them while leading the way to them. Instantly, Jaehyun starts to feel a little nervous, but he’s surprised that when they sit down in front of the pair, Ten is giving _both_ of them a wide, genuine smile. 

“Happy to see that both of you could get out of bed long enough to have lunch!” Ten proclaims. Both Johnny and Jaehyun blush. Johnny says something but Jaehyun’s still too startled by Ten to catch it, so he opts to look at the person in front of him. Presumably Ten’s boyfriend, he sits just a little bit taller than Ten, but is still just as thin with charcoal black hair and bright, wide eyes. 

The smile on his face is much warmer and Jaehyun can’t help but smile back at him. 

“Johnny, of course you remember my boyfriend,” Ten starts, wrapping his arm around the dude, before glancing at Jaehyun, “And Jaehyun, this is my boyfriend, Hendery. Hendery, of course you remember Jaehyun.” 

 _Remember?_ Jaehyun mouths, but doesn’t say out loud, eyebrows knitting together in confusion. His ears burn a little in shame at not remembering ever seeing Hendery. 

“It’s nice to officially meet you,” Hendery says, moving out of Ten’s grasp to shake Jaehyun’s hand, which Jaehyun accepts quickly. His phrasing makes Jaehyun wonder if maybe they had had a few conversations online before that Jaehyun just doesn’t remember, so he just nods and smiles. 

“Yeah, likewise,” Jaehyun replies, because at the very least, it was nice to actually see that Ten’s boyfriend was a real person and not just some made up joke that he wasn’t in on. 

Having already ordered before he and Johnny arrived, the buzzer for their order is already going off. 

“Perfect timing! Johnny, use your big hands and help me get our trays,” Ten commands, and if it weren’t for his boyfriend sitting right next to him, Jaehyun thinks his words would have annoyed him more. This time they only make Jaehyun smile because _yeah, his_ boyfriend, Johnny, did have big hands. He can’t help but watch Johnny for a few moments before he remembers that Hendery is still here, so he turns to face him again. Jaehyun’s surprised to find Hendery staring at him and can’t help but feel slightly embarrassed for being caught staring at Johnny with what was probably a very stupid look on his face. 

His smile is a little sheepish when he manages to give one back. 

“So um, I feel really bad about saying this, but I don’t remember you. I’m sorry.” Jaehyun tells Hendery while his leg begins to bounce nervously. 

Hendery laughs to Jaehyun’s surprise and shakes his head. 

“You’re fine. It’s fine. I don’t expect you too,” Hendery replies, “When I first met you it was New Year’s in Ten’s bathroom. I would actually be more surprised if you did remember that encounter.” 

The blush on Jaehyun’s cheeks come back to full force as he vaguely recalls crying into someone’s arms. That was really the extent of his memories of that night. 

“Ah,” Jaehyun says, “Well, thank you for taking care of me then.” 

“No problem, Jaehyun,” Hendery answers, his eyes on Ten and Johnny as they begin to make their way back to the table, “I had heard quite a bit about you from Ten and even a little bit from Johnny. Don’t worry, I take most of what Ten says about people with a grain of salt because he’s a rather harsh judge of character. But I do want to let you know, that even though you were a bit of a mess that night, I could tell that you’re a very genuine and caring person. I’m very happy to see that you and Johnny were able to work things out, in the end.”  

The words are warming to Jaehyun’s heart and his smile is shy when Johnny sets their bowls of food down on the table. He gives Jaehyun a curious look when he sits down, and Jaehyun replies with a shake of his head and a smile before he digs into his cold noodles. 

The rest of their lunch together is easy. Jaehyun and Ten will never be close friends, but the animosity isn’t as prominent anymore. They talk freely and enjoy conversation between the four of them, Jaehyun all but glued to Johnny’s side and their hands once again intertwined underneath the table.

Once they’re finished and have paid, they head outside to take a few pictures. Eventually, Ten tells them that he and Hendery have to leave so they can spend some time together alone before he has to drop him off at the airport that evening. They say their goodbyes and Jaehyun and Johnny wish Hendery good luck on his final exams. Once they get in their taxi, Jaehyun and Johnny begin the walk back to the apartment. The sun is sitting a little higher in the sky, and Jaehyun is grateful when Johnny hands him a spare pair of sunglasses. 

They chat idly about their lunch with the other couple. At some point, Jaehyun makes a comment about how hard it must be for them to be long distance for so long before he stops and realizes something they hadn’t talked about yet. Johnny stumbles a little in his step because of it and shoots Jaehyun a curious look. 

“I have a question,” Jaehyun says once they’re walking again, “Are you—are you going to be staying in Seoul?” 

He feels his heartbeat pick up a little bit in anticipation of Johnny’s answer. While he didn’t have any pressing _need_ to be back home any time soon, he still figured he would be heading back within the next few days. Jaehyun had yet to think about how Johnny may not be just as eager to come back. 

Johnny’s quiet for a moment before he finally responds. 

“You know,” he begins, “I initially didn’t mind staying here for so long because I had lost my desire to work on any of my photography projects.” 

Jaehyun nods, aware that Johnny’s studio apartment here was not even a quarter of the one he had back home, and obviously had no room for a photo lab. He hadn’t given it too much thought before, but now Jaehyun realizes that it’s probably been a good five months since Johnny worked on any of his film photography. It makes his heart ache a little at the thought. 

“Recently, however,” Johnny says, taking Jaehyun’s nod as an enough of an affirmation to continue, “I’ve started thinking a lot about projects that I’ve put on hold, and have even started thinking about new ideas as well. Plus I do have a little bit of film I’d like to develop that I have from being here the last few months. It’s only a few rolls, but regardless, I guess it would be nice to be back home again.” 

Jaehyun nods. 

“Understandable,” Jaehyun replies, feeling a little giddy that Johnny would be coming home, if not with him, at least _soon._

“But mostly, I just want to be wherever you go, Jaehyunie.” 

Jaehyun feels a sense of warmth that’s from more than just the sun. He doesn’t voice it out loud, and he doesn’t need to, because Johnny already knows that Jaehyun agrees with him on that sentiment, what with the smile on his face and the warmth of palm against palm of their connected hands. 

The sun is hot against the back of their necks and sweat begins to layer their skin, but neither of them make any effort to pull apart. Jaehyun and Johnny are each other’s home and for now and forever, it will be enough. 

▷

_Epilogue, 1 month later._

 

“Jaehyun, are you ready?” 

“Yeah!” Jaehyun answers, closing the lid to Jeffery X’s food and sprinkling the remainder of what’s in his hand into the large tank. The fish tank sits beautifully behind Johnny’s sofa and Jaehyun smiles while thinking about how nice it'll look in the background of their video. 

He quickly tucks the food back into one of the drawers underneath the table and rushes to sit on the couch. Johnny takes a few more minutes making sure the camera settings are perfect while Jaehyun takes a moment to adjust his wire framed glasses. There was just something about spending all morning in bed with his boyfriend that made him too lazy to slip in his contacts before their video shoot. 

“Okay,” Johnny says, giving a thumbs up to indicate that it’s recording, before sitting down next to Jaehyun. They both spend a few seconds staring at the monitor they have set up, making sure everything was in place, then Jaehyun takes a deep breath and smiles at the camera. 

“Hi, uh, welcome back? I know it’s been a while, but I am, no _we_ are back and better than—” Johnny cuts him off by kissing him on the cheek and Jaehyun grins and lightly shoves at Johnny. “Hey—at least wait until after the coming out part, please.” 

Johnny matches his smile, “I can’t help it when you look so cute.” 

Jaehyun doesn’t bother responding to that and readjusts his glasses again, trying to will his grin back into a normal smile before speaking into the camera. 

“Okay, let’s try this again,” He gives Johnny a look as if to warn him to not do it again, then looks at the camera once more, “We’re back and better than ever, so let’s go ahead and get started because we have a lot to—” 

Once again Johnny kisses his cheek and Jaehyun can't help but laugh.

“Hey, do you really have to kiss me on camera?” he asks, playfully wiping his cheek. 

“Yes,” Johnny replies before tackling Jaehyun into the couch. In spite of himself, Jaehyun lets Johnny assault his face with kisses, knocking his glasses askew. He smiles when Johnny’s lips find his and Jaehyun wraps his legs around his waist to pull their bodies completely against each other.  

They stay like that for several minutes, content with just making out and neither pressing for anything more. Johnny gives Jaehyun a particularly wet kiss to the cheek and Jaehyun uses this moment to glance at the recording monitor. Thankfully, they’re out of frame, but he’s sure the audio picked up all of their noises. 

He blushes a little and nuzzles Johnny’s cheek. 

“I suppose we should delete this and start over?” 

Johnny smiles and shakes his head a little. 

“We don’t have to delete it, but maybe we should start a completely new take just to be on the safe side.” Jaehyun laughs a little kisses Johnny one more time before shoving at him lightly.  

“Move then, so I can stop the recording,” Jaehyun says, putting his glasses back on. Johnny complies and Jaehyun rolls off the couch, using his knees to scoot to the camera. He face fills up most of the monitor while he presses the button to stop the recording and he takes a few more seconds to start recording a new take. He stays there, using his reflection in the monitor to fix his hair. Once he’s content with how he looks, he smiles at the camera and looks back at Johnny. 

An idea springs into his head when Johnny smiles at him, and maybe instead of smoothing out his clothes and sitting next to Johnny, he crawls into his lap and proceeds to kiss him stupid for another five minutes. 

It takes them several takes to finally settle down and record actual content for their channels, but they have all the time in the world as they stare into the face of summer once more—and all is well. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> find me at [twitter](https://twitter.com/botticeIIi)/ [writing twitter](https://twitter.com/suhweaterpawz) !  
> if u would like to chat or yell at me, feel free to hit me up<3 or find me on [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/b0tticelli). 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading. <3


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